So I wasn't reminded of the fact that I wanted to blog about this until today when I read comments in someone else's post...What do you all think about those leashes they make for children now-days? Do they make that occasional stroll in the park much safer? Do they protect the child from all harm? Perhaps they give the average pooch a sense of belonging and make them fit in better among the family conglomerate? Because honestly, I don't like them...not at all...not even a little bit. When I see folks walking down the street with those, all I can picture is a child running toward the street; the parent panics, thus yanking the leash very hard; and then instead of getting hit by the car--which I see as the only positive in the situation--, the child has a scratched knee and forehead, perhaps a broken arm or rib, a missing tooth and a slight concussion if not whiplash. Is it just me? Your thoughts?

The Little Things...

How has everybody been? It's been rather busy over this way as I am grappling with issues related to life, family, finances, career exploration...yada yada yada--I'm certain that I'm in that boat alone. Anywho...I thought I would cruise by Peruse & Ponder and dazzle you all with another Will & Damoe anecdote.

A couple of weeks ago, we were taunted with a bit of la primavera. The sun was beaming down and the breeze was pleasant. You could even "smell" spring in the air as the birds chirped and a few locals fired up their grills. The boys and I decided to take a ride. As we traveled on a main--very busy--road near our subdivision, we came to a red light, and had to sit there for what seemed to be an eternity. So, of course, the sun was brilliantly shining through the windshield...

Will: (Impatiently squirming and fighting the sun's glare) Dannng! How LONG is this light?!

Me: (With a silent chuckle) Will what's wrong? Is the sun too much for you? Usually when that happens, people do this (as I pull down the visor--then there's a long pause).

Will: (As if he had just discovered an invention of the upper echelon) Oh. My. GOODNESS!!! What the...? I never knew that's what that was for (the look of "wowness" transformed to utter astonishment and amazement)! Why didn't anybody tell me (looking at me as if I had kept the world's best secret from him)? WHOA, I thought that was just to hold papers and stuff up! And look, there's a light in there (as he tried to see if the light would stay on as he lifted and lowered the mirror flap--at least 3 times).

Me: (Chuckling a bit louder by now) Really Will? I'm sorry you didn't know that, but I am very happy to have made your day!

I take a gander in the rear-view mirror, and an impatient Damoe is sitting in the back seat rolling his eyes--pretending to ignore us--while singing along with the radio. Just then I turned onto another street heading south--and the sun is now coming through the passenger window...

Will: (After a sigh of disappointment while trying to shade the sun from the side of his face) Awww man!!! Well I guess it worked for a minute...

Me: Well, usually when THAT happens, people do this (as I unlatch the visor and shift it over to the passenger side window).

Will: (Absolutely tickled to DEATH!) Mom! This is the best thing EVER! Wow! It moves and everything?! This is awesome (he continues to move the visor back and forth--totally ignoring the sun now of course, because he is now equipped with knowledge that--intellectually--places him far above the rest)!

Me: You see Will, you learn something every day!

Damoe: (With a look that was a combination of sheer disgust and "do I really know these people, and if so, why am I related to them?" on his face as he sighed deeply before exclaiming) LOSERS!!!

It cracked. Me. UP!!!

Is It Over Already?

Well since it is the last day of Black History Month, I decided to go in the old archives and pull this one out...ENJOY!

Say It Loud!!!

...But Deliver Us From Evil

God is GOOD my fellow Bloggers! Today, I join my Mommy in celebrating 11 YEARS of sobriety. Life has been full of trials and tribulations for this family as we were on this roller coaster ride with her. Of course the childhood memories are difficult to erase when you have a parent that is an addict. You even choke on forgiveness as it too is a tough one to swallow. But as I learn more about the program, and what I need to do as her daughter to be supportive and work on mending my relationship with her, I am amazed by her tenacity--I become increasingly proud and admire her more as the years go by. I know that for her, this is truly a tough journey...she does not walk alone.

I have heard her describe her circumstances as living from second to second...then minute to minute...then day by day...and look what she has accomplished now. I commend her for her determination, and I thank God for her DELIVERANCE. Sobriety is an uphill battle, so I continue to pray for her will power and strength.

Congratulations Mommy...I Love You!

The Life and Times of Will & Damoe Part III

Hello all! A few of you have asked either via comments or through e-mails how my boys are doing. They are doing just fine. You know, your average 13 and 11 year old middle-school aged boys I suppose! I haven't posted about them in a while, so thought this would be the perfect opportunity to go ahead and give you all a little taste of the latest goings-on and happenings. Just for recollection purposes, feel free to refer to one of my favorite posts about them here.

Setting: I am cooking dinner while the boys engage in snickering and random chatter at the table. After a moment or two, they begin arguing in a whisper...

Damoe: (whispering even lower) You ask her!

Will: (whispering back) NO, You ask her!

Me: Ask me what?

The Boys: (simultaneously) Nothing!

Me: Why is it so hush hush? If you want to ask me something, out with it!

Damoe: (hesitantly) Well....we were wondering...(he couldn't control his little smirks and giggles enough to get the rest of his sentence out).

Will: We were kind of wondering...(see above parenthetic statement for Damoe).

Me: WHAT?!

Will: Well, did you..."do it (of course it was some made up word that my kids have patented in their own personal language that I can hardly remember and wouldn't dare attempt to spell)?"

Damoe bursts out with laughter and is rolling all over the kitchen floor. I think he may have spewed a bit of Hawaiian Punch from his nose in the process. I swing around with a hot spoon gasping for air--on the verge of hyperventilating...

Me: What the....? Why on Earth would you ask me a question like that???

Will: Well, we saw some...condoms in your room.

Me: What were you doing in my room, and furthermore, it's none of your business what I do! I pay the bills around...

Will: (in his "Mom seriously?" voice) But you don't even have a Boyfriend!

Me: I am GROWN! What I do is my business, and how do I know you two weren't in there on a fishing expedition playing with said condoms?

Damoe: (with that one look where you draw your lips to the side and smack them with that "c'mon now" look on your face) Mom, now you KNOW we don't wear a large!

What. In. The. FUCK?!

Sigh

What's In A Name II

I of course had to name this post "What's In A Name II" because I have in the past named another post "What's In A Name..." not that you really care, but still...

Anyways...

When you sit back and ponder it for a moment what is the origin of your name? Do you know from whence it came? You see, I chuckle every time I think I have a "plain" name and don't like it very much until my Mom reminds me that I was almost "Mamie Jean (like my dear Grandma)." I am also on the verge of tears when I hear chatter about soap operas and am further reminded that my 2 cousins and I were named after characters on "All My Children" and "The Young & The Restless." I guess our parents didn't have the desire to do much during the day...but I digress.

I get semi-excited when I think about other people and places that have my name (even if it's spelled as if it's pronounced TAR-uh) like, in Gone With the Wind, but am bubbling over with joy (okay, maybe that's an overstatement, but you get the point) to know that it means--in many translations--Mother Earth.

Even though they are named after their fathers, I believe I have given my boys nice, strong names. Dameus (pronounced DAY-me-us) doesn't really have an origin or meaning of sorts, but I still think it sounds like it possesses authority and demands one's undivided attention. William, which means, "protector of the kingdom" always reminds me of royalty.

So what about you? Were you named after someone? Do you believe that your name defines you? Does your name determine how far you will go job/career-wise? How does it look on a resume? Well when I was talking to my cousin today, she reminded me about a visit that I had at my "doctor's office" a couple of years ago. I (over) heard a conversation that went a little like this:

Setting: There was a mother sitting the waiting room with her 3...or maybe 4...children waiting to be seen. The children were kind of all over the place, meddling with this and that while she dilly-dallied around in her purse. Just then one of the doctors entered...

Doctor: (as she s-l-o-w-l-y and with a VERY HIGH level of uncertainty reads the clipboard, which apparently had a name spelled "Zava") Zava? Yes, Zava please follow---

Rude and Super-Country: (Smacking teeth) Um ex-ca-yoose me, his name IS Zava (pronounced Zah-Vee-AY)...

Doctor: Oh I'm sorry Ma'am, the way it's spelled, it looks like--

Rude and Super-Country: (Cutting off the Doctor mid-sentence again) No, it's Zah-Vee-AY....spelled Z-a-(you ready for this?) LONG V-a.

Sigh.

While I am still trying to figure out how I picked up my jaw without her noticing and got over my sheer disappointment, pure disbelief, and utter amazement, your thoughts?

Baby, 'Cuz He's A Thug!

Hello out there in Blogland! Over on Facebook in recent days, there have been a hodgepodge of posts about women who date thugs and/or get with these "dead-beat" men only to turn around and make them into their "Baby Daddies." A lot of the men on there have tuned in on the topic expressing their views, commenting that women aren't interested in the good "men," and have asked, "Why?" Many responses from women poured in...among them were explanations ranging from these guys "puttin' it down" in the sack to looking for love in all the wrong places. Of course much of what we said was well received, but I felt that it was my civic duty to toss one back at 'em.

I wanted to know why do some of these men ignore the good women out here? I mean why do they pass US up to date the next hood-rat, duck-head, tramp ass, gold-digger, sleaze bucket, or scag they encounter in the streets? I wondered why they are not pleased with the fact that WE are highly educated and that we're handling our business; paying our bills; taking care of kids, house, and home; and can cook a bomb ass meal for them and--of course--I would be negligent if I left out--"represent" between the sheets. Oh noooooo...they are looking for the next jump-off--that trick that they can call at 3:00 a.m. so they can get down and dirty. Listen here, ain't nothin' open at that time but Convenient Stores, jail doors, and the legs of whores!!! Can we please get it together?

So I would like to ask you all to chime in...if you dare...

Temptation

So they say that "those who flee temptation usually leave a forwarding address." Is that true? I mean I am going to keep it real...I'm not perfect...hell, nobody is! And quite frankly, there are a couple...okay maybe a few...oh shit, okay maybe several...things that I've done in the past 6 months that I am not necessarily proud of. The only problem is that they didn't seem so bad at the time, and the more I realize that I shouldn't engage in such acts again, the more I want to. I am actually quite disappointed in myself, because I usally have much more will power and constraint in tow! Sigh.

Anyways, in order to combat these urges, I have tried to create diversions for myself. The only problem is they are only temporary fixes...band-aid solutions, if you will. I need something more permanent. I truly fear that the burning desire will remain until I am a bit more creative and inventive enough to douse the flame for good. Damn...is there a 12-Step program out there for me? Help a sistah out here!

How is your week going so far? Smile! It's Hump-Day!

Have You Ever...?

Have you ever wanted something so much that you can feel it deep down in your bones? You dream about it both day and night...you execute the plan in your mind play by play in many different ways...you hope and you wish that your minute, aspiring bud that began as a mere thought would blossom into the most beautiful and exotic of orchids. You trust and believe that the stars in one million galaxies would cooperatively align. You feverishly pray that your little private fantasy would manifest itself in reality...

Have you ever needed something so badly...I mean long for it over and over...yearned for it...been a fiend for it...ached for it until your body, mind, and soul are in a state of paralysis? It's the air that is critical for breathing, the food that is purposed for nourishment, and the water that is intended to quench the thirst of an army. Do you understand...I'm talking about NEEDING something as it is the fundamental piece--the epitome of essential for your vitality?

Have you ever had something so good that you wished it would never end? I mean so much to the point where you thoroughly savored the "flavor" of every little morsel...you let the taste, the aroma, the and the texture, permeate every ounce of your being. It appeals to all senses and overwhelms you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually...It rushes through your veins with the fire of the earth's core followed by the most frigid of waters that registers 273.15 on the Kelvin scale. This is the ultimate high that liberates you beyond belief. Like, you passed Cloud 9 an Eon ago. I'm talking about euphoria here...I'm talking about somewhere over the rainbow type shit here.........total bliss.

Now can you take that ALL in? Can you? If so can you all please tell me what I'm going through right now...right this VERY moment...

It's In The Air

Hello out there in Blogland...how have you been? Well, lately, I have been feeling such a range of emotions, so I decided I needed to sit down and write about it. Amongst the chaos associated with feelings of joy, depression, care-free (ness?), stress/anxiety, happiness, sadness, gratitude, selfishness, kindness, hateful (ness?), compassion, coldness, togetherness, loneliness, and downright BLAH...ness, I would like to release today on the one that seems to emerge at just about every hill and valley of the roller coaster--LOVE.

I just don't know what it is. Other than a few dates here and there, I have been single for over 5 years. I am not really in like with anybody at present, so love would surely be a far stretch. So why this sudden urge for...longing for...yearning for a companion? I mean I see other couples and their ups and downs--the drama, the infidelity, the lack of trust...and the list goes on--so I always think to myself, "Whew! I am so glad I don't have that problem." But some kind of somber mood sets in at the end of the night when I settle down to sleep--as I look at the empty bed and cool pillow beside me.

Could it be the fact that summer is gradually fading away? Could it be that I have been steady in my career for 4 years and will be purchasing a home next week? Could it be a subconscious fear because the boys are at most 6 years from graduation? I don't know...you fill in the blank.

The bottom line is I would like to explore the possibility of having someone in my life. Someone who is HONEST and understanding. Compassionate and committed. Open-minded and spontaneous. Goal Oriented and Successful. Loving and Caring. Someone who will not only love my children, but also love me for who I am. Someone who will be there for me mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Someone who will compliment my strengths and supplement my weaknesses. Someone who will uplift me. Someone who will complete me.

Now is that too much to ask for? Why this feeling all of a sudden? Comment away!

Life

Hey there my fellow Bloggers...how is everyone? Life sure has its share of curve balls doesn't it? I mean one moment things could be just peachy, then the next, you find yourself standing on the ledge of the 2nd floor window only to realize that you might want to go up to at least the 5th floor if you plan on doing more than merely breaking a leg! There have been so many waves and turbulence...ebbs and flows...showers and storms lately--soooo needless to say, I need a little catharsis.

Why don't I start with my career...you know I really DO love my job. I love the difference that my programs make in the community. And for every youth who earns their GED or better still a degree, or client who transitions from public assistance to earning a sustainable, living wage, or laid off worker who figures out what they want to be when they grow up and enrolls in school on our dime, I am most elated. I am extremely, intrinsically motivated by this work and honestly even though this is not what I set out to do when I went to college--I have to feel like this is the right thing for me to do. So you may ask...okay Tera, what's the point? Well, the point is it's not my job that makes my ass hurt...it's the people who work here. So I have been spending a lot of time praying, because I know there's a place out there who will accept me for who I am, won't criticize my every move, and will not describe me as "loud and large, thus at times intimidating" in the same breath as saying that I do, "great work."

My love life...hmmm is there really even such a thing? I mean I've tried this dating thing, I've tried the "friend" thing, and although my lean is celibacy these days, even the strongest person has relapse tendencies when the going gets tough. So I think I am still waiting it out. And as badly as I want a little spice in my life, I am going to concentrate on what's important and hope that the rest will fall in to place...someday...soon.

I shared with you that I would begin the house buying process...well things are working out quite well. So well in fact, I believe I will have a new address in about a month. :-)

Kids you ask? Oh they are SUCH a treat! They have also acquired a new hobby...so, on top of Boy Scout-, Beta Club-, Brothers of Peace-, Basketball-, Band-, Mom, I have to figure out how to add Football to the equation. Of course that doesn't count the "night-time" parties that my teenager attends where his entourage greets him at the door. Nor does it include the miscellaneous activities that my younger son prefers to do so that he won't appear to be lame. I have just got my hands full...beyond measure!

What else is going on out there. I am drafting a post (slowly) that I am debating on posting but it will take a little work. Post your comments please, and someone, if you have the time, FedEx some Calgon to me...Pronto!

Flashback Fridays---I've Got Your B*T*H!

Hello out there in Blogland. I had every intent on posting this of Friday, but I was side-tracked 50-11 times before I realized...it wasn't Friday any more!!! Anyways, as you know, I dedicated Fridays to digging in the archives and posting some things from the past, so for your reading pleasure, the following blog post can be used as a point of reference:

http://peruseandponder.blogspot.com/2009/05/can-i-get-2-piecehold-stank-ass.html#comments

So you ask...or you may not have asked, but I don't give a damn, because it's my blog..."why did Tera choose this post this week?" Well, get ready, because I am about to share a story with you.

I was preparing for vacation and noticed that one of my Rx's needed to be refilled before I hit the road. So I remembered that a local pharmacy--which I will not name, but it begins with a K, ends with R and has r-o-g-e in the middle--mailed out a circular which included coupons...consumers get $20 loaded on their card for every new or transferred Rx. Easy enough right? So I called my doctor at around the ass crack of dawn and asked them to call in the Rx. When I arrived to pick it up at around 6:00 p.m., things did not go as planned.

In a nutshell, they did not fill the Rx and made me stand there over 10 minutes while they scurried around to figure out what happened. After all else failed, they tried to blame my doctor's office by saying that when they called, they didn't give them all of my info, and when I asked why they didn't call them back, they compounded the lie by saying that they also did not share the doctor's name/info for reference...only the name of the Rx. So, I stormed off, because I was already irritated, it was time to hit the road, and I didn't have my Rx. I would handle it when I returned home...the only problem is the first in the series of coupons would expire the day before I was to return.

When I got back in town, I called my doctor's office. They didn't have to tell me that the pharmacy was lying, because I already knew that. To take it a step further, she told me how they rushed her off the phone, but assured me that she would call them to straighten the matter out. So I called the pharmacy manager to tell him my story, and with this call, I wanted 2 things accomplished. #1, He needed to address the apparent customer service issue, #2, He needed to honor my coupon which I missed out on because of said customer service issue. Our conversation went something...no, a LOT like this:

Me: Hello, I would like to discuss a customer service issue that I had in your store last week. I came to pick up an Rx that had been called in, but it was not filled because your....(he cut me off).

Manager: Ma'am what is your date of birth?

Me: It's 6-3-** (wink), so instead of just telling me that they neglected to fill the Rx, they tried to....(he cut me off AGAIN).

Manager: Ma'am what is the issue? I don't know what you want me to do about it.

Me: Well, if you would let me explain the issue without cutting me off, I would tell you how you can help me. You see I had those coupons you all mailed...(he cut me off yet AGAIN).

Manager (LOUDLY): A coupon?? A coupon?? Is that what this is about, a coupon?? I will honor your coupon if it's that big a deal.

Me: Wow! If you don't mind, I would like you to give me the number to your Corporate office. Perhaps they will hear me out and assist me with this matter.

Manager (henceforth known as Needledick): (Lying the phone down loudly announcing to his staff, and consequently any customer that was standing there, considering his volume) What a BITCH!!

**Needledick comes back to the phone with a stern voice and rattles off the number to Corporate**

Me: Thanks, and um excuse me, but did I just hear you call me a bitch?

Needledick: Well that's what you're acting like!!!

Me: I'm trying to explain a situation to you, a manager, and you call me a fucking bitch (I know, I know, I shouldn't have cursed, but I was pissed!)?

Needledick: See, you've been dropping f-bombs this entire conversation!

Me: I've said it once, and that doesn't excuse nor justify what you said about me.

Needledick: You know, I'm not sure why I'm even still talking to you.

And he slams the phone down...hanging up on me.

Okay...Blogland, seriously??? Your thoughts on that, puh-lease!

Flashback Fridays

Hello all!!! Since I haven't been on in a while (as my dear friend Nina keeps reminding me), I decided to look through my archives for some laughs...found a few tears too, even pisstivity in some shit that...wait...I digress. Anywho, I came across one of my favorites, and since it's been about 8 months since the last time I "did the grown-up," reading this was almost torture, but I can appreciate the flashback in its entirety!!

Enjoy...

http://peruseandponder.blogspot.com/2008/08/sometimes-you-feel-like-nut.html

Falderal and Fiddle Dee Dee...Fiddly Faddly Foodle!

Well hellloooo there Blogland! It's been ages, but for some reason, I have this burning urge and desire to post something! :-) I think I will just provide an update of the goings-on this past year and open the floor for you all to catch me up on what's going on with you.

With that said...

I guess you could say that I pretty much gave up on dating. I mean I dibble and dabble a bit, but at the end of the day, I think I'm quite happy in my own little world. I concentrate mostly on work, church and kids. Sure, I would LOVE to meet Mr. Right instead of Mr. Right Now, but I just don't have the energy to search. Perhaps he shall fall in my lap one day and we will join in Marital bliss.

Will is now on the verge of being a teenager...I mean right on the cusp. I'm sure you all know about the longer showers, the cologne that makes you gag, the girls getting all googly eyed etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Oh yeah, it burns my ass. And you see both my boys get excellent grades in school, in fact Will earned straight A's this last time. The only problem is this puberty thing is breeding bad behavior and he keeps getting in trouble! I am going to keep praying on that one, because not only am I "Old School" when it comes to consequences, if he keeps it up, he will not be permitted to do much more than eat, sleep, shit, shower and breathe the rest of his childhood years!

I have finally decided to buckle down and purchase a house. All the money down the drain in rent for something that I will never own has me well on my way to record levels of pisstivity. So I will keep you posted, but so far, it's looking pretty good!

And now for the most earth shattering and monumental event that has happened in my life in the past year...I just got out of the hospital last week. I went to the doctor for what I thought was a pulled muscle, and it turns out that I have Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT) in my left leg, and a Pulmonary Embolism (PE) in my right lung. All the doctors were looking at me in amazement saying how lucky I was because the pieces that broke off in my leg and traveled to my lung had to have passed through my heart. In my estimation, I am blessed and am quite elated that God has other plans for me. To this day, they cannot figure out what caused it, but I know that I was on Yasmine for a number of years...I will be contacting them upon closing this post.

So (exhaling vigorously), what about you all? Are you still out there? Talk to me...what has been going on in Blogland?

Can I Get A 2-Piece...Hold The Stank Ass Attitude?!

You know...I hate to make a come back on some complaining s-h-i-t, but is all that's on my mind at present. For some odd reason unbeknownst to mankind, GOOD customer service no longer ranks very high among workers' list of priorities. Allow me to elaborate...

Today (as well as a gazillion other days lately) I left work late. In this day and age of stimulus funding, my job is extremely hectic. As of February 17th, I was awarded roughly $1.4 million for one of my programs, and basically I need to shit a miracle by June 1 in order to make the program a success...so in case inquiring minds want to know where I've been, there you go! I digress. My boys needed to be at Boy Scouts today by 7 p.m. so of course, there's no time to cook. I tend to like the new grilled chicken at KFC, so I decided to stop to pick up some grub.

I waited in line for MORE than 10 minutes. I was highly agitated because there was like 9.2 workers in the back, and surely they could assign more than one person to the registers, right? Wrong! I stuck it out and prayed that the 50-11 people in front of me had simple orders. By the time it was my turn, I was VERY specific in that I wanted---the 10-piece family meal special, NO WINGS, legs instead, 1/2 grilled, 1/2 crispy. Easy enough right? I have no idea why hell I didn't check my bucket, I just made haste to get home in enough time for the boys to eat.

We washed our hands and prepared for dinner. All the way home, my hungry dial went from 5 to 5,000 as the wonderful aroma burst out the of the little holes in the top of the bucket...so needless to say, I was ready......I popped that top off grinning like a Cheshire cat, looked down, and to my dismay........right at the top of the fucking bucket.........5 WINGS!!!!!!!! That really burned my asshole! So I made several attempts to call and speak to a manger and belly-ache about it, but they never answered the phone. Finally, the fax machine picked up. Then finally a person picked up......and hung up on me! I immediately call the Corporate office.

***After 14 minutes of AWFUL elevator music***

Numb Nuts: "This is Numb Nuts, may I help you?"

Me: "Yes, and acutally I called to complain about my local store, but should I also complain about my nearly 15 minute wait time?"

Numb Nuts: "Ma'am just as you have something to say so do others, so when we finish listening to what others have to say, then we can pick up your call and listen to what you have to say."

Me: "Excuse me?"

After repeating exactly what he said in an exponentially nastier tone...

Me: "I would like to speak to a manager. I am highly agitated, I have waited on this phone forever, and I don't appreciate your tone with me."

Numb Nuts: "Oh, if I were getting smart with you, you would know it, for sure!"

Me: (In sheer disbelief) "Really? Well perhaps I should report you."

Numb Nuts: "Perhaps you should."

Okay...what is wrong with that picture? The nerve of that guy to speak to me in that manner. Of course I get my money back and a call from the local manager, but that PISSED ME OFF!

I will truly need 2 or 3 more blog posts to share my bad customer service experiences from the past week, so...in an effort to not be greedy, I will open the floor for comments of your recent experiences.

P.S. Please accept my apologies in advance if I don't make it to all your blogs. I am stressed, tired....and I guess we'll add pissed to the list.

Smokers Really Blow!

Hey folks! I had time for a quickie, so I thought I would oblige.

**Disclaimer: I will not be held responsible for any thoughts shared on this post, and will not apologize for my views on this matter as it is MY blog and I can say whatever the hell I please...so if you don't like it, KICK ROCKS!**

Now forgive me if I'm wrong, but I kind of thought that there were a few pre-requisites (if you will) for living such as food, water, and hmmm...I don't know, perhaps...breathing??? Apparently, in some parts of the country, this is not the case, and it really burns my ass, so I must vent.

Do people that smoke think they are the only ones who exist in the universe? I mean do they think that everyone wants to inhale their carbon monoxide, nitrogen oxide, hydrogen cyanide, with a splash of ammonia, cocktail along with the rest of the toxins and carcinogens we are already subject to via pollution? Yes, they do, because each day when I arrive at work, after walking through the garage and past the nursing school (where they congregate in droves and block pedestrians' access to the sidewalk) I am on the verge of an asthma attack before I can even get to my office door!

Please note my top 10 gripes regarding smokers (these are in no particular order):

1. There are dumb asses who warn you about how everything causes cancer from McDonald's fries to putting lotion on your boobs (okay, maybe that's a bit dramatic--but someone--yes, a smoker actually DID tell me that)....but they blaze a pack a day!

2. Doctors and nurses--you know, those officials who preach health--at hospitals--you know one of those places which allegedly "promotes" health--meet regularly in the courtyard for coffee...and yes, a cigarette.

3. Your co-workers who smoke not only take a 15 minute smoke break before they start work, mid-morning, after their 1 1/2 hour lunch, and mid-afternoon, they also take one in the late afternoon right before leaving 15 minutes early tallying up their total amount of actual hours worked to a whopping 2! While us non-smokers bust our asses...well maybe not while blogging, but I'm making a point here!

4. People in the Club or at social gatherings clearly can tell that you are a non-smoker--of course because your nails aren't yellow, your teeth aren't stained, and your voice isn't one octave below its normal level--and they stand right by you and exhale their ghastly fumes!

5. There are certain individuals who will buy a carton of cigarettes on a regular basis, but use WIC and other social services for formula and pampers.

6. How about those folks who stand right in front of no smoking signs and blaze them up?

7. Do you enjoy watching the elderly man who wheels his oxygen tank along side him yet smokes 3 cigarettes between the time he leaves his car and walks into the doctor's office?

8. Have you not heard that there are those who get lung transplants shortly after they've used and deteriorated their original lung(s) by smoking...........and they still smoke!

9. Now don't you get really get fired up when you see those who work in fast food restaurants and they're outside smoking as you walk in...don't wash their hands...and go right over to wrap your sandwich, package your fries, and grab your cup (at the rim) to make your drink.

10. And how on EARTH could I leave out the idiot who as your sitting at a red light and glance over at them, they're on their cell phone, smoking a cigarette and through the misty cloud, you can see a baby in a car seat, a child in a booster seat, and a pre-teen in the front.......and the windows are up!

Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Okay, now I feel better...not really....but at least I got that out. In comments, by all means, agree, disagree, and/add to the list!

I Am Here...Therefore, I Blog

Greetings, and thank you for those of you who have reached out to me via e-mail to check on me and make sure I was still alive and kicking...I appreciate your concern and sincerely apologize for my absence. Yes, I'm still here, but I have been busy, busy, BUSY!

In this day and age of an economic crisis where states and local governments are being forced to skim down and cut back, I happen to be among the thousands whose salary is on the old chopping block. So the stress of having to take furlough days and watching what little savings was there, slowly dwindle away, has overwhelmed me...I have been forced to get a 3rd job.

So my friends, that's where I've been...at the local auto parts store during my free evenings, getting greasy and dirty, meanwhile still juggling those other fun activities like basketball games, Boy Scouts, band, track...and trying to maintain sanity by going to church. Contrary to popular belief, I was not abducted by aliens...I did not run away and join the circus...or join a nudist colony or a convent (wow, that almost felt like blasphemy to put those two items side by side!)...I am here...therefore, I blog.

In comments...what has been going on with all of you? I dare not try to catch up on all the reading I've missed, so I will count on you to give me an update and will try as much as I can to pick up where I left off.

Rules Are Made to Be Broken

So I haven't given you an anecdote on the boys lately. The latest little escapade nearly made me piss my pants, so I HAD to share!

Every 2 weeks, I take the boys for a hair cut. Since we've been going to this particular Barber Shop for a while, we typically engage in small talk with the Barbers, and they have also grown quite fond of the boys. As I've told you in past posts, the boys have their individual personalities. William (I mess up too much with the W and D shit!!!), the eldest is more cool, calm, and collected. Although he can be a little sneaky and quite manipulative at times, he is a great kid. He's very bright, extremely helpful, and very compassionate.

Damoe on the other hand is all over the place! He is commonly known as "That Little One," and usually makes quite an impression on the people that meet him. He's my little muscle man...ripped up, full guns, AND six pack at the ripe old age of...9! He's a character...loves to joke and laugh. He gets great grades, but is more into art and music and such...you know, stuff that allows him to use his energy!

Well I guess the last time we went to the Barber Shop, Damoe had too much idle time. So during commercials, he would read magazines, crack a few jokes, and ALAS! He noticed the rules on the Barber Shop Wall:

1. No Profanity

2. No Loitering

3. No Solicitation

4. Children must remain seated at all times.

5. No Smoking

A look of sheer amazement glazed over Damoe's face a he leaped from his chair. And the conversation began:

Damoe: Uhhh, why do ya'll have rules in the Barber Shop if all you are going to do is break them?

Barber #1: What do you mean? What rules do we break?

Damoe: Welll...it says, 'No Profanity...' Ya'll be cussin'!!!

Barber #1: Who cusses?

Damoe: Ahem, Barber #2 cusses, Barber #3, AND YOU!

Barber #1 (Laughing-while the owner was shaking his head in an "I told you so" manner): Man Damoe, cut that out!

Damoe: Uh, and 'No Loitering?' Man there is paper ALL OVER the ground outside! Cigarette butts and EVERYTHING!

****Long Silence before a loud thunderous roar of laughter as Barber #2 tried to explain to Damoe that he misread...of course he had yet another rebuttal for that****

Damoe (interrupting): And what is solicitation?

Barber #1: It's when people try to sell stuff.

Damoe: What?!?! Don't ya'll sell movies and CD's in here?!?!?!

I had to interject by this point...

Me: Damoe and it also says, 'Children must remain seated at all times,' now sit your behind down before you get us banned from the Barber Shop!

The customers were overwhelmed and coughing and choking because he cracked them the hell up!

As I went to buy my movies at the 4th booth, I apologized profusely.

I Was Tagged!!!

Thanks to my lovely new friend T. Michelle Theus (also referred to as "T" by me in comments), I have to post! Fuckety Fuck! Anyways (it took me 3 times to type that just now), at least this is an interesting one...and just guess who I am going to tag!

1. I am absotively, posilutely, undeniably, hopelessly, and inextricably afraid of............................FROGS! I will never forget the day I was in the back yard, and of course my son did not possess this little tidbit of knowledge and came running up to me announcing excitedly, "Mommy, look what I found!" My eyes bulged, my palms got all sweaty, my mouth felt like I had been chewing on chalk, and I immediately began to hyperventilate...It was a true brush with death! No, I don't want to frapping go on Maury for help to try to overcome my fear, and...ahem...my ass cheek is just waiting for "smootches" if you're one those who think the shit is funny.

2. I wasn't diagnosed with asthma until I turned 23.

3. I once thought I "heard" a worm "breathing" in my apple when I was a child.

4. I still live in denial but really can't successfully pronounce the word "handkerchief" if I say it normally, and struggle when I say it syllable by syllable! It sounds like haint-cha-ker or haint-ker-cher.

5. I missed 32 days of school my Senior year and STILL graduated 8th in my class (which started out with 339 students and ended up somewhere around 250).

6. Most of you who have known me for a while know this, but you new Blog Friends don't...I was born with 6 fingers on each hand. It's called Polydactily. My boys find it quite amusing when they look at their baby pictures! In fact, if I had 100 boys, they would all have it, because I believe it is a dominant trait carried on the X chromosome...go figure!

7. I'm not certain, but I'm about 91.73% sure that I could live without chocolate.

Pamela, MrT, Nina, Susan, Heather, Alan, and Churlita...guess what? YOU'RE IT!!!

Just Another Manic Monday

Pamela, learn to hold your horses, or as Nina would say, "Patience little grasshopper," I had a meeting this morning. I was going to post this Friday, but didn't quite get around to it.

Anywho...

I love this list and have found it quite amusing over the years, so if you have seen this before, hopefully, you normally practice at least 27% of this list on a regular basis. If you haven't seen it before, I implore you, do as many of these as you can (in no particular order) within the next 48 hours.

Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can on Your Desk and Label it 'In'.

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write 'For Smuggling Diamonds'.

7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water when you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

In comments...NoR, I know you've done number one before...and you probably forgot your bra that day too! How many of you want to bet money that MrT has done numbers 2, 5, 6, 9, and there is a very strong possibility of number 12 as well? I am very tempted at present to do number 4.