Okay my friends out there in Blogland...I have been struggling with something for the past couple of days, seriously, so I thought I would solicit your input/feedback.I beat myself up for years for my children having different fathers. My mother would always try to console me and reduce my dissonance by pointing out the fact that I was with W's father for 5 years, and D's father off and on for 7...thus, if the relationships MEANT something, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. It took me a while, but finally, I got over it.
Now my new dilemma...how much does a name really mean? Before Christmas, my son W had not seen OR heard from his father in 3 1/2 years, and D's father...well, we kinda see him when we see him, but if you can remember from previous posts, he has been in a relationship with one of my (ex) closest friends of 13 years+, and in my estimation (among MANY other things) can't teach the children much in the way of values...he lives by the "Every Man for Himself" creed, and from my point of view may do more harm than help by actually being a consistent part of the boys' lives.
And you want to know the kicker? I am elated that I have moved away from Ohio, because if either of my boys attended schools in that particular school system, their names alone may have severe implications with regard to teachers' perceptions of them the older they got.
So I ask you...am I stressing too much over this? I know that all of us at some point have made some choices that we may not necessarily be proud of, but have to live with them our entire lives, and I feel this may be one (or two of them).
Back to Matters of the Heart soon...I just really need your input on this.
15 comments:
I think you're stressing about it too much...a name doesn't make you who you are or aren't.
Unless it happens to be "hilton"..;)
Susan~I knew you'd make me feel better ;-) Besides the boys have accomplished so many wonderful things already, and they're not even teenagers yet!
My sons have different last names and I have never given it much thought. They are MY sons and are very special-who cares about their last names being different-what's important is what We as moms instill in them.Stop stressing :-)
If you wanted to I suppose you could change their names... but in the end your sons will remember you. That's all that matters. Good moms trump last names every time.
Spunky~Welcome to P&P!!! I am learning to stress less and less, and know that all that matters is that I raise them well. I hope you visit us again :-)
Kofi~You may have said exactly what I needed to hear...as I read your comment, "If you wanted to I suppose you could change their names..." my immediate reaction was...It's not that serious, and you know what...it shouldn't be! Thanks!
Yeah, what everybody else said.
Or drive everyone nuts and hyphenate all three names together for all three of you. What a pain in the beehind that would be.
NoR~To think of those names hyphenated made me chuckle! Thanks :-)
I know that I'm a bit spaced out these days...but I don't get it. What is it exactly that you asking? :)
Nina~Reread it then, and while you're at it, read the other one! :-)
Sounds like you've already gotten your affirmation. That was easy. Maybe you already knew and just wanted to hear it.
Nance~I think I knew it, but just can't understand those feelings of embarassment when I fill out paperwork and such...I'm sure it will pass :-)
I don't think you should stress about it. Anyone thinking bad things about you because of your children's names is small-minded and living in a bubble where life always goes as planned.
I can't say I'm stressed over it...yet. My first two boys will have a different name from the new boy. Of course, there's a decent enough age span that it'll only be noticed by schools at the elementary level.
Woo~and to that end...no one can judge me but God. It's sad that so many still live in those bubbles!
Just make sure that when the new Bambino comes, you don't stress over it either :-)
take it from a mother who has 2 children with 2 different last names....it doesnt matter. my oldest daughter's dad was good for nothing, but that has had no effect on her....let the kids be who they are and who YOU teach them to be. They will see who cared for them and taught them the way in life.
I think most people fret over the long term well being of their children. You worry about your child being bullid in school, worry about their health, worry about their popularity status... etc. etc. But kids are tough. They learn to adjust and deal with their circumstances. And your situation is by no means unique. The important thing is that they have you to help them, guide them and love them.
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