Tuesday, January 22, 2008

What's In A Name?

Okay my friends out there in Blogland...I have been struggling with something for the past couple of days, seriously, so I thought I would solicit your input/feedback.

I beat myself up for years for my children having different fathers. My mother would always try to console me and reduce my dissonance by pointing out the fact that I was with W's father for 5 years, and D's father off and on for 7...thus, if the relationships MEANT something, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. It took me a while, but finally, I got over it.

Now my new dilemma...how much does a name really mean? Before Christmas, my son W had not seen OR heard from his father in 3 1/2 years, and D's father...well, we kinda see him when we see him, but if you can remember from previous posts, he has been in a relationship with one of my (ex) closest friends of 13 years+, and in my estimation (among MANY other things) can't teach the children much in the way of values...he lives by the "Every Man for Himself" creed, and from my point of view may do more harm than help by actually being a consistent part of the boys' lives.

And you want to know the kicker? I am elated that I have moved away from Ohio, because if either of my boys attended schools in that particular school system, their names alone may have severe implications with regard to teachers' perceptions of them the older they got.

So I ask you...am I stressing too much over this? I know that all of us at some point have made some choices that we may not necessarily be proud of, but have to live with them our entire lives, and I feel this may be one (or two of them).

Back to Matters of the Heart soon...I just really need your input on this.

Friday, January 18, 2008

WNG Meme By Way of NoR!!!

I know I know, I promised to do this shit days ago, but I've been busy at work (imagine that!!!), my computer at home had been down for 2 weeks, and you know what, my brain has been rather scattered!!! But anywho...NoR has once again tagged me for a wonderful meme thusly, I must perform duties as your fellow blogger...Enjoy!

…(two names you go by)…
1. Tera
2. Tie between Tizzy and T-Dub

...(two things you are wearing right now)...
1. My jeans that make my booty look oh so licious!
2. My kick ass brown leather boots!

...(two things you would want (or have) in a relationship)..:
1. Honesty...yeah, I know it's quite a stretch
2. Love

...(two of your favorite things to do)...:
1. Spend time with my sons
2. Relax

...(two things you want very badly at the moment)...:
1. Mucho dinero
2. A private jet (and of course a sexxxy pilot!)

....(two pets you had/have)...:
1. (As a child), Weasel
2. Snowball...I no longer enjoy the pleasures of owning wildlife!

...(two people you think will fill this out)...:
1. Nina (shut up, it should be easy, you've already done it in e-mail!)
2. Susan (she's the only one other that NoR who cares when I'm gone!)

...(two things that you did last night)...:
1. Made room for my new furniture
2. Prayed

...(two things you ate today)...:
1. Athenian Broiled Chicken from my favorite Mediterranean restaurant
2. Pizza

…(two people you last talked to)...:
1. My mother
2. My cousin

...(two things you're doing tomorrow)...:
1. Going to D's basketball game
2. Working

...(two longest car rides)...:
1. Atlanta
2. Myrtle Beach

...(two favorite holidays)...:
1. My Birthday (you skeptics shut the hell up!)
2. Christmas (that's when I can take the most days off and get away with it!)

...(two favorite beverages)...:
1. Kool-Aid
2. A good Margarita/Daiquiri

…(two people no longer alive who you'd like to talk to)...:
1. My Grandmother
2. My Aunt

Tagging Nina and Susan.....back to Matters of the Heart next week!!!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Matters of the Heart I-Self

As all of the holiday ado is done, resolutions have been made, and folks get back on their daily grind, I decided to stop for a moment and think...how do I begin my New Year? Do resolve to budget better...to take on a hobby...to be less busy...to curse less...to exercise more...to diet? I mean, that's what most people do right? When I woke up yesterday, I thought about it a bit...and then I called my good friend T---that's when the dust settled. I will begin this New Year dealing with Matters of the Heart.

I moved to Kentucky 2 years, 3 months, and 1 day ago. As I reflect upon my life during that period, I realize that although gradual, a sort of transformation has, and is taking place. I'm not the person I used to be. Given the chain of events in the past couple of months, I had to stop and ask myself..."How would Tera a year ago have handled it? Tera 2 years ago?" It was then that I realized that I am not the same, negative, impulsive, aggressive, chronic complaining, and sometimes nasty person that I once used to be. Now don't get me wrong, I am a good person by nature, and there are dozens of people in my social circle who can attest to that. It's just that there were times in my life and certain events (many of you have read about and/know about quite a few) which required me to build a wall and pour concrete around my heart.

I know it is a process, but it was 2 years, 3 months, and 1 day ago that I began to chisel away.

Today, I know that I am a better person...I feel like a better person. Self is a matter of continuous improvement, and I am sure that my esteem (which had at one point hit an all-time low) will improve tremendously as I deal with this particular matter of the heart---Self.

In comments, your thoughts? Your New Year's Resolutions?