Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Rules Are Made to Be Broken

So I haven't given you an anecdote on the boys lately. The latest little escapade nearly made me piss my pants, so I HAD to share!

Every 2 weeks, I take the boys for a hair cut. Since we've been going to this particular Barber Shop for a while, we typically engage in small talk with the Barbers, and they have also grown quite fond of the boys. As I've told you in past posts, the boys have their individual personalities. William (I mess up too much with the W and D shit!!!), the eldest is more cool, calm, and collected. Although he can be a little sneaky and quite manipulative at times, he is a great kid. He's very bright, extremely helpful, and very compassionate.

Damoe on the other hand is all over the place! He is commonly known as "That Little One," and usually makes quite an impression on the people that meet him. He's my little muscle man...ripped up, full guns, AND six pack at the ripe old age of...9! He's a character...loves to joke and laugh. He gets great grades, but is more into art and music and know, stuff that allows him to use his energy!

Well I guess the last time we went to the Barber Shop, Damoe had too much idle time. So during commercials, he would read magazines, crack a few jokes, and ALAS! He noticed the rules on the Barber Shop Wall:

1. No Profanity

2. No Loitering

3. No Solicitation

4. Children must remain seated at all times.

5. No Smoking

A look of sheer amazement glazed over Damoe's face a he leaped from his chair. And the conversation began:

Damoe: Uhhh, why do ya'll have rules in the Barber Shop if all you are going to do is break them?

Barber #1: What do you mean? What rules do we break?

Damoe: says, 'No Profanity...' Ya'll be cussin'!!!

Barber #1: Who cusses?

Damoe: Ahem, Barber #2 cusses, Barber #3, AND YOU!

Barber #1 (Laughing-while the owner was shaking his head in an "I told you so" manner): Man Damoe, cut that out!

Damoe: Uh, and 'No Loitering?' Man there is paper ALL OVER the ground outside! Cigarette butts and EVERYTHING!

****Long Silence before a loud thunderous roar of laughter as Barber #2 tried to explain to Damoe that he misread...of course he had yet another rebuttal for that****

Damoe (interrupting): And what is solicitation?

Barber #1: It's when people try to sell stuff.

Damoe: What?!?! Don't ya'll sell movies and CD's in here?!?!?!

I had to interject by this point...

Me: Damoe and it also says, 'Children must remain seated at all times,' now sit your behind down before you get us banned from the Barber Shop!

The customers were overwhelmed and coughing and choking because he cracked them the hell up!

As I went to buy my movies at the 4th booth, I apologized profusely.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I Was Tagged!!!

Thanks to my lovely new friend T. Michelle Theus (also referred to as "T" by me in comments), I have to post! Fuckety Fuck! Anyways (it took me 3 times to type that just now), at least this is an interesting one...and just guess who I am going to tag!

1. I am absotively, posilutely, undeniably, hopelessly, and inextricably afraid of............................FROGS! I will never forget the day I was in the back yard, and of course my son did not possess this little tidbit of knowledge and came running up to me announcing excitedly, "Mommy, look what I found!" My eyes bulged, my palms got all sweaty, my mouth felt like I had been chewing on chalk, and I immediately began to hyperventilate...It was a true brush with death! No, I don't want to frapping go on Maury for help to try to overcome my fear, ass cheek is just waiting for "smootches" if you're one those who think the shit is funny.

2. I wasn't diagnosed with asthma until I turned 23.

3. I once thought I "heard" a worm "breathing" in my apple when I was a child.

4. I still live in denial but really can't successfully pronounce the word "handkerchief" if I say it normally, and struggle when I say it syllable by syllable! It sounds like haint-cha-ker or haint-ker-cher.

5. I missed 32 days of school my Senior year and STILL graduated 8th in my class (which started out with 339 students and ended up somewhere around 250).

6. Most of you who have known me for a while know this, but you new Blog Friends don't...I was born with 6 fingers on each hand. It's called Polydactily. My boys find it quite amusing when they look at their baby pictures! In fact, if I had 100 boys, they would all have it, because I believe it is a dominant trait carried on the X chromosome...go figure!

7. I'm not certain, but I'm about 91.73% sure that I could live without chocolate.

Pamela, MrT, Nina, Susan, Heather, Alan, and Churlita...guess what? YOU'RE IT!!!