MORE Breaking News!

I know many of you have to inability to keep your minds out of the gutter for more than 69% of your day. I also know that given some of the things I've blogged about and/commented in your blogs about, you don't think that I am "innocent" by any stretch of the imagination. But, if you should happen to hear this story on the news today, contrary to popular belief and in spite of your chit-chatter amongst friends, this WAS NOT me!!!

Kentucky woman charged with trading sex for Gas Card!

I'm appalled.

My cousin already called me...you know, just to check and make sure---the nerve!

In Other News...

I don't know which is more unbelievable...the story I am about to tell, or the fact that I have strangely developed a case of Blogger-(Tour)ettes and have posted for 3 days straight! I have known about this for quite some time now, but the moment at which I learned about it precedes my Blog tenure. It just so happens I was reminded of it the other day...

(We're in the car)

W: Mommy, what did you say B (my 19 year-old and obviously from this conversation-pregnant sister) was naming the baby?

*I have the tendency to ignore my children about trivial matters while on the way home from work as I work tirelessly to make my brain shut up, my nerves calm down, and my focus shift.

(Silence)

D: (In a voice with a hue of-I know everything so you had better not question a damned thing I say!) Tsk, Delquaysia...she's naming her Delquaysia!

In the famous words of Nina and/the person she got it from, "silence my little grasshoppers, patience..." Rest assured that no, B is not naming the baby Delquaysia, and I have to friggin idea how in the hell D came up with that, but it reminded me of this...

On my previous job, I worked "in the hood." So folks from all walks of life would come to our office be it to get help finding a job, get help with/as a troubled youth, for housing assistance, and to occasionally take a "Hoe-bath" in our facilities. We all thought we had seen it ALL until 2 people signed up for a short-term program we were operating. One of the women's names was Shithead...yes, that's how it's spelled, but it is pronounced Sha-THed. And the other...you ready for this?

Marijuana Cocaine Clark...which happens to sound just the way it's spelled...she asked us to call her M.C.

Not one of us objected.

This Just In...

You know, sometimes you would swear that I ride the short yellow bus while I conduct regularly scheduled activities on a daily basis, but after this morning...I truly have my OWN doubts about my cognitive ability!

This morning I was coming in to work. The time was roughly 8:15 a.m. and yes, I know I am supposed to be here at 8:00 a.m., but I have made a particular practice of being "fashionably late." Anyways...I was sitting at a light next to the gas station down the street, and the sign had, "$(blank white spot).99" on it. I didn't think anything of it---perhaps they were putting a "3" in said blank white spot??? Who knows, but needless to say, I kept driving.

As I turned the corner, I noticed police directing traffic and a line which consisted of 5% cars, 45% crossovers/SUV's, and 50% vans and trucks were lined up for at LEAST 10 blocks...I was still confused...

I could have just slapped what they call THE SHIT out of myself when I arrived at work (at 8:30 a.m., but what the fuck ever!) and found out what was going on...GAS WAS REALLY FUCKING "$(blank white spot).99" PER GALLON for the first 250 customers and my dumb ass was #1 in line on the one side---and kept going!!!!!!

Piss. Piss. PISSTIVITY!

Calgon...Take Me Away!

It's the "end of the year" for us at work, so there are many contracts to be written, policies to be made, and schmoozing to do for more money during this drought season. I am just tired, tired, tired.

My sons got in the car the other day and had a VERY interesting convo...it went a little something like this:

Me: It's looks like you boys are getting along with the kids very well at Summer Program!

W: (Under his breath) Yeah, the girls!

D: (Realizing that I hear W and looking at him with the look of, DAMN you're a snitch!) And the boys too, Mom!

W: For real, I got like 7 girls that like me Mom!

D: (After a long pause and seeing my grin in the rear-view mirror---total affirmation it was okay to continue this conversation) Well there's a 15 year-old girl who likes me!

Me: D how do you know, and why would a 15 year-old girl be interested in an 8 year old?

D: I don't know, maybe it's my personality...perhaps it's my style...Mom, she just digs me!

I was speechless...utterly speechless.

I had to pay roughly $240 today to renew my tags...and gas here is $4.29/gallon. No further explanation needed on how I feel about that.

I went grocery shopping yesterday and realized the ridiculous markup on food! I may be forced to live off of bologna and cereal for a while!

My bedroom TV is on the blink.

Things are going pretty well with Wal-Mart Guy...wait, did I tell you guys about him? Hmmm...guess not...great idea for my next post!

W is starting Middle School next year and aside from the fact that I will be paying out of the wazoo to buy uniforms, I am NOT mentally and emotionally ready for this!

I have not produced one, single thing at work today except this blog post.

Did I mention that gas is $4.29/gallon?

*Sigh*

Woe is me.

I'm In Love-Part 2...The Reveal

Now that everything has been perused and pondered, all the ado is done, and 69 comments have been posted, I thought it high time to share with you who the said Blog Crush is. I mean I haven't been reading his stuff for very long, but the time that I have been seems like an eternity. You just never know what to expect when you go to his place. And aside from the great anecdotes, the smut, and the "high" times, he also keeps it all the way real...Damn it, 100%.

And do you want to know, my friends, how he put the icing on the cake? He stood up for me and was ready to put a Mofo, that found me through his blog, on BLAST for disrespecting me. The guy e-mailed me thinking that I was the skinny, bustaceous broad on the cell phone depicted on my avatar and was disappointed when he found out I was a thick, voluptuous, CORNBREAD-FED sista from around the way! I told the Good Doctor not to bother, but I rested assured that this "folk" had my back.

So with that being said, Torrance Stephens, Raw Dawg Buffalo, you are, beyond the shadow of a doubt, undeniably, almost inexplicably, and unequivocally, my Blog Crush. That's you my friend.

And there you have it "folk...the truth, uncut funk, DA BOMB!"

I'm In Love-Part I

Okay, Nina brought it up, so...I dare to go there. The topic you ask? Blog crushes. I know that many times before, we've toyed with this, and had a few cute-sy ones of our own, but what I'm speaking of here my friends is something a little deeper...

Each day we visit our blogs, those of you who are like me, we go up and down our Blog roll and read the latest post by our wonderful friends. We also check out any new Bloggers who may stumble upon our paths in comments. Well, one day I stumbled upon...correction, actually, I think he stumbled upon me, and the moment I clicked that link, I was hooked. Literally.

This man is someone to be admired. He is the epitome of greatness in/through his writing. His words quite often jump right off the screen and move me in ways unknown to mankind. To him, it seems as though the world is crazy, life is real, and time is of the essence. The more I read, the more I'm drawn to him. His writing has taken my imagination down the road less traveled. He has style, grace, and a certain charm about him...he's mysterious, he's untamed...he's all that and a bag of fucking Lay's potato chips...I'm telling you Nance!

So when I confessed "my love" to Nina one day, before she alluded to it in her blog, she decided to check him out, and was quite impressed with him. She completely understood my overactive hormones, and my impetuous fervor with each and every mention of his name...I am in Blog Love!

In comments...how do you feel about Blog crushes? Is this a naughty little thing for us to do and/a sly little way for us to "cheat?" How about a stab at who my crush is?

While I'm Still Drafting The More Serious Stuff...

Now THIS my friends is TRULY Ghetto Fabois!!!!