Can I Get A 2-Piece...Hold The Stank Ass Attitude?!

You know...I hate to make a come back on some complaining s-h-i-t, but is all that's on my mind at present. For some odd reason unbeknownst to mankind, GOOD customer service no longer ranks very high among workers' list of priorities. Allow me to elaborate...

Today (as well as a gazillion other days lately) I left work late. In this day and age of stimulus funding, my job is extremely hectic. As of February 17th, I was awarded roughly $1.4 million for one of my programs, and basically I need to shit a miracle by June 1 in order to make the program a success...so in case inquiring minds want to know where I've been, there you go! I digress. My boys needed to be at Boy Scouts today by 7 p.m. so of course, there's no time to cook. I tend to like the new grilled chicken at KFC, so I decided to stop to pick up some grub.

I waited in line for MORE than 10 minutes. I was highly agitated because there was like 9.2 workers in the back, and surely they could assign more than one person to the registers, right? Wrong! I stuck it out and prayed that the 50-11 people in front of me had simple orders. By the time it was my turn, I was VERY specific in that I wanted---the 10-piece family meal special, NO WINGS, legs instead, 1/2 grilled, 1/2 crispy. Easy enough right? I have no idea why hell I didn't check my bucket, I just made haste to get home in enough time for the boys to eat.

We washed our hands and prepared for dinner. All the way home, my hungry dial went from 5 to 5,000 as the wonderful aroma burst out the of the little holes in the top of the bucket...so needless to say, I was ready......I popped that top off grinning like a Cheshire cat, looked down, and to my dismay........right at the top of the fucking bucket.........5 WINGS!!!!!!!! That really burned my asshole! So I made several attempts to call and speak to a manger and belly-ache about it, but they never answered the phone. Finally, the fax machine picked up. Then finally a person picked up......and hung up on me! I immediately call the Corporate office.

***After 14 minutes of AWFUL elevator music***

Numb Nuts: "This is Numb Nuts, may I help you?"

Me: "Yes, and acutally I called to complain about my local store, but should I also complain about my nearly 15 minute wait time?"

Numb Nuts: "Ma'am just as you have something to say so do others, so when we finish listening to what others have to say, then we can pick up your call and listen to what you have to say."

Me: "Excuse me?"

After repeating exactly what he said in an exponentially nastier tone...

Me: "I would like to speak to a manager. I am highly agitated, I have waited on this phone forever, and I don't appreciate your tone with me."

Numb Nuts: "Oh, if I were getting smart with you, you would know it, for sure!"

Me: (In sheer disbelief) "Really? Well perhaps I should report you."

Numb Nuts: "Perhaps you should."

Okay...what is wrong with that picture? The nerve of that guy to speak to me in that manner. Of course I get my money back and a call from the local manager, but that PISSED ME OFF!

I will truly need 2 or 3 more blog posts to share my bad customer service experiences from the past week, so...in an effort to not be greedy, I will open the floor for comments of your recent experiences.

P.S. Please accept my apologies in advance if I don't make it to all your blogs. I am stressed, tired....and I guess we'll add pissed to the list.

Smokers Really Blow!

Hey folks! I had time for a quickie, so I thought I would oblige.

**Disclaimer: I will not be held responsible for any thoughts shared on this post, and will not apologize for my views on this matter as it is MY blog and I can say whatever the hell I please...so if you don't like it, KICK ROCKS!**

Now forgive me if I'm wrong, but I kind of thought that there were a few pre-requisites (if you will) for living such as food, water, and hmmm...I don't know, perhaps...breathing??? Apparently, in some parts of the country, this is not the case, and it really burns my ass, so I must vent.

Do people that smoke think they are the only ones who exist in the universe? I mean do they think that everyone wants to inhale their carbon monoxide, nitrogen oxide, hydrogen cyanide, with a splash of ammonia, cocktail along with the rest of the toxins and carcinogens we are already subject to via pollution? Yes, they do, because each day when I arrive at work, after walking through the garage and past the nursing school (where they congregate in droves and block pedestrians' access to the sidewalk) I am on the verge of an asthma attack before I can even get to my office door!

Please note my top 10 gripes regarding smokers (these are in no particular order):

1. There are dumb asses who warn you about how everything causes cancer from McDonald's fries to putting lotion on your boobs (okay, maybe that's a bit dramatic--but someone--yes, a smoker actually DID tell me that)....but they blaze a pack a day!

2. Doctors and nurses--you know, those officials who preach health--at hospitals--you know one of those places which allegedly "promotes" health--meet regularly in the courtyard for coffee...and yes, a cigarette.

3. Your co-workers who smoke not only take a 15 minute smoke break before they start work, mid-morning, after their 1 1/2 hour lunch, and mid-afternoon, they also take one in the late afternoon right before leaving 15 minutes early tallying up their total amount of actual hours worked to a whopping 2! While us non-smokers bust our asses...well maybe not while blogging, but I'm making a point here!

4. People in the Club or at social gatherings clearly can tell that you are a non-smoker--of course because your nails aren't yellow, your teeth aren't stained, and your voice isn't one octave below its normal level--and they stand right by you and exhale their ghastly fumes!

5. There are certain individuals who will buy a carton of cigarettes on a regular basis, but use WIC and other social services for formula and pampers.

6. How about those folks who stand right in front of no smoking signs and blaze them up?

7. Do you enjoy watching the elderly man who wheels his oxygen tank along side him yet smokes 3 cigarettes between the time he leaves his car and walks into the doctor's office?

8. Have you not heard that there are those who get lung transplants shortly after they've used and deteriorated their original lung(s) by smoking...........and they still smoke!

9. Now don't you get really get fired up when you see those who work in fast food restaurants and they're outside smoking as you walk in...don't wash their hands...and go right over to wrap your sandwich, package your fries, and grab your cup (at the rim) to make your drink.

10. And how on EARTH could I leave out the idiot who as your sitting at a red light and glance over at them, they're on their cell phone, smoking a cigarette and through the misty cloud, you can see a baby in a car seat, a child in a booster seat, and a pre-teen in the front.......and the windows are up!

Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Okay, now I feel better...not really....but at least I got that out. In comments, by all means, agree, disagree, and/add to the list!

I Am Here...Therefore, I Blog

Greetings, and thank you for those of you who have reached out to me via e-mail to check on me and make sure I was still alive and kicking...I appreciate your concern and sincerely apologize for my absence. Yes, I'm still here, but I have been busy, busy, BUSY!

In this day and age of an economic crisis where states and local governments are being forced to skim down and cut back, I happen to be among the thousands whose salary is on the old chopping block. So the stress of having to take furlough days and watching what little savings was there, slowly dwindle away, has overwhelmed me...I have been forced to get a 3rd job.

So my friends, that's where I've been...at the local auto parts store during my free evenings, getting greasy and dirty, meanwhile still juggling those other fun activities like basketball games, Boy Scouts, band, track...and trying to maintain sanity by going to church. Contrary to popular belief, I was not abducted by aliens...I did not run away and join the circus...or join a nudist colony or a convent (wow, that almost felt like blasphemy to put those two items side by side!)...I am here...therefore, I blog.

In comments...what has been going on with all of you? I dare not try to catch up on all the reading I've missed, so I will count on you to give me an update and will try as much as I can to pick up where I left off.

Rules Are Made to Be Broken

So I haven't given you an anecdote on the boys lately. The latest little escapade nearly made me piss my pants, so I HAD to share!

Every 2 weeks, I take the boys for a hair cut. Since we've been going to this particular Barber Shop for a while, we typically engage in small talk with the Barbers, and they have also grown quite fond of the boys. As I've told you in past posts, the boys have their individual personalities. William (I mess up too much with the W and D shit!!!), the eldest is more cool, calm, and collected. Although he can be a little sneaky and quite manipulative at times, he is a great kid. He's very bright, extremely helpful, and very compassionate.

Damoe on the other hand is all over the place! He is commonly known as "That Little One," and usually makes quite an impression on the people that meet him. He's my little muscle man...ripped up, full guns, AND six pack at the ripe old age of...9! He's a character...loves to joke and laugh. He gets great grades, but is more into art and music and such...you know, stuff that allows him to use his energy!

Well I guess the last time we went to the Barber Shop, Damoe had too much idle time. So during commercials, he would read magazines, crack a few jokes, and ALAS! He noticed the rules on the Barber Shop Wall:

1. No Profanity

2. No Loitering

3. No Solicitation

4. Children must remain seated at all times.

5. No Smoking

A look of sheer amazement glazed over Damoe's face a he leaped from his chair. And the conversation began:

Damoe: Uhhh, why do ya'll have rules in the Barber Shop if all you are going to do is break them?

Barber #1: What do you mean? What rules do we break?

Damoe: Welll...it says, 'No Profanity...' Ya'll be cussin'!!!

Barber #1: Who cusses?

Damoe: Ahem, Barber #2 cusses, Barber #3, AND YOU!

Barber #1 (Laughing-while the owner was shaking his head in an "I told you so" manner): Man Damoe, cut that out!

Damoe: Uh, and 'No Loitering?' Man there is paper ALL OVER the ground outside! Cigarette butts and EVERYTHING!

****Long Silence before a loud thunderous roar of laughter as Barber #2 tried to explain to Damoe that he misread...of course he had yet another rebuttal for that****

Damoe (interrupting): And what is solicitation?

Barber #1: It's when people try to sell stuff.

Damoe: What?!?! Don't ya'll sell movies and CD's in here?!?!?!

I had to interject by this point...

Me: Damoe and it also says, 'Children must remain seated at all times,' now sit your behind down before you get us banned from the Barber Shop!

The customers were overwhelmed and coughing and choking because he cracked them the hell up!

As I went to buy my movies at the 4th booth, I apologized profusely.

I Was Tagged!!!

Thanks to my lovely new friend T. Michelle Theus (also referred to as "T" by me in comments), I have to post! Fuckety Fuck! Anyways (it took me 3 times to type that just now), at least this is an interesting one...and just guess who I am going to tag!

1. I am absotively, posilutely, undeniably, hopelessly, and inextricably afraid of............................FROGS! I will never forget the day I was in the back yard, and of course my son did not possess this little tidbit of knowledge and came running up to me announcing excitedly, "Mommy, look what I found!" My eyes bulged, my palms got all sweaty, my mouth felt like I had been chewing on chalk, and I immediately began to hyperventilate...It was a true brush with death! No, I don't want to frapping go on Maury for help to try to overcome my fear, and...ahem...my ass cheek is just waiting for "smootches" if you're one those who think the shit is funny.

2. I wasn't diagnosed with asthma until I turned 23.

3. I once thought I "heard" a worm "breathing" in my apple when I was a child.

4. I still live in denial but really can't successfully pronounce the word "handkerchief" if I say it normally, and struggle when I say it syllable by syllable! It sounds like haint-cha-ker or haint-ker-cher.

5. I missed 32 days of school my Senior year and STILL graduated 8th in my class (which started out with 339 students and ended up somewhere around 250).

6. Most of you who have known me for a while know this, but you new Blog Friends don't...I was born with 6 fingers on each hand. It's called Polydactily. My boys find it quite amusing when they look at their baby pictures! In fact, if I had 100 boys, they would all have it, because I believe it is a dominant trait carried on the X chromosome...go figure!

7. I'm not certain, but I'm about 91.73% sure that I could live without chocolate.

Pamela, MrT, Nina, Susan, Heather, Alan, and Churlita...guess what? YOU'RE IT!!!

Just Another Manic Monday

Pamela, learn to hold your horses, or as Nina would say, "Patience little grasshopper," I had a meeting this morning. I was going to post this Friday, but didn't quite get around to it.

Anywho...

I love this list and have found it quite amusing over the years, so if you have seen this before, hopefully, you normally practice at least 27% of this list on a regular basis. If you haven't seen it before, I implore you, do as many of these as you can (in no particular order) within the next 48 hours.

Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can on Your Desk and Label it 'In'.

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write 'For Smuggling Diamonds'.

7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water when you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

In comments...NoR, I know you've done number one before...and you probably forgot your bra that day too! How many of you want to bet money that MrT has done numbers 2, 5, 6, 9, and there is a very strong possibility of number 12 as well? I am very tempted at present to do number 4.

Say It Loud...

I remember the amazement that I could actually read by the time I turned 4.

I remember the astonishment when I was "booted" from Kindergarten and sent to the 1st grade because I was bored.

I remember the day I "realized" I was Black, but didn't think it mattered...as a matter of fact.

I remember a classmate asking why I was ashy. I remember the expressions on faces when my wet hair turned tangly.

I remember the slumber party when the makeup was too bright...I also couldn't successfully style my hair on that night.

I remember the day I "realized" I was Black, but didn't think it mattered...as a matter of fact.

I remember the friend's cousin who wouldn't share my sled. God forbid my color rub off and assume his skin instead.

I remember being taunted and teased for being smart. Of course our socio-economic status set us apart.

My violin was a no-no and "white music" did I dare? When I bobbed my head to Bon Jovi all my friends did was stare.

I remember the day I "realized" I was Black, but didn't think it mattered...as a matter of fact.

I remember the assimilation by association phase...my friends said I was White.

I remember being teased at a dance because I did the Running Man right.

I baffled the masses because I wore Hammer Pants...but my White friends thought I was cool...especially because I taught them to dance!

I remember the day I "realized" I was Black, but didn't think it mattered...as a matter of fact.

I remember the day I began to have hips, ass and thighs too...ooh and those full lips.

I remember the day they stopped teasing me...my Black friends in High School were as proud as could be.

I remember the day I graduated in gold...a 4.134 GPA...what a story to be told.

I remember the day I was the only Black person in the top of my class...I remember my REAL friends applauding me as I passed.

I remember how being Black earned me money for school...and how that combined with academics was a valuable tool.

I remember the day I "realized" I was Black, but didn't think it mattered...as a matter of fact.

I now laugh it off when Black people call me Bougie. When White people applaud me for being articulate, I let it be.

I have a perm in my hair and wear weave if I please...but, I appreciate the cocoa butter I have to put on my knees.

I love chicken and greens...how about some chitterlings too? But watermelon's not my favorite...imagine that...can you?

I remember the day I "realized" I was Black, but didn't think it mattered...as a matter of fact.

I love sharing history with my children and all my stories too. I tell them they're beautiful because you know what? It's true.

I watch movies like "Rosewood," "Glory Road," and "The Color Purple," and realize how far we have come.

Each thread of our history...be not undone.

I look at MY new president and feel a hodge podge of things...and cannot explain the joy that it brings.

Martin Luther King Jr., oh what would he say? Did you see Jesse Jackson's reaction? Would he react that way?

What would Rosa Parks say? How about good old Abraham? How about Kennedy, Ulysses and the rest of the fam?

We've come leaps and bounds but have quite a way to go. But we have our courage, love, faith, and our integrity in tow.

And to this day, you know what? I'm proud that I'm BLACK...and know that it matters...as a matter of fact.