W and D At It Again!

NoR's last comment in my post was "Bah Humbug..." my sentiments exactly. Christmas is Tuesday, and on top of having to buy a new car, I am going to have a big fat doctor bill to pay! Let me elaborate...

I am getting out of the shower last Friday, and I hear a God awful scream coming from W's room. I scurry in (half naked of course), to see blood erupting profusely from W's head! You see the boys decided to fight over a Pokemon card album. W punched D, so D decided to hurl a Nerf Blaster (which is almost as big as he is by the way) at W's noggin. After sending W to the restroom (hey, I have cream colored carpet!) and wailing D's ass (if you are an employee of Child Protective Services, please ignore the last comment), I made haste to see how bad it was. Blood always flows from the head in abundance it couldn't be that bad right? WRONG!

When we got to Immediate Care and got him cleaned up, there was a HUGE hole in his head! They used a 2 1/2 inch needle to numb him for stitches...he was screaming, I was hysterical, and crying (I excused myself for a moment...especially since I'd just asked him to be brave), and D was in utter fear of what might happen to him as there would surely be a consequence.

I made him watch every moment of the shots, the 5 stitches...the whole 9 yards. I'm sure he's traumatized, but hey...he has to realize that there are consequences for such bad choices in life.

So there you have it! I was going to get into the story about D asking me what a "virgin" is this weekend, but this is getting too damned long...That'll be in my next post.

In comments...who's gonna start the pool betting on what my next tragedy will be?

Woo-Woo's Meme By Way of NoR!

NoR stays on me like white on rice when it comes to posting. She goes above and beyond the call of duty to make sure that I am still alive, breathing, and kicking. I guess too much time has lapsed between posts, so she has decided to tag me. My trip down memory lane was very nice and brought a smile to my face today, so I accept my tag with pride and hope that you all enjoy as well!

Link 1 is a little bit of FAMILY: More Afraid Now Than Ever
Link 2 is a little bit of FRIEND: A Blog Post on Blogs
Link 3 is a little bit of YOURSELF: Calming Nerves and Relieving Tension
Link 4 should be YOUR LOVE: Alas!!! The Boys at P&P!
Link 5 can be ANYTHING YOU LIKE: 10 Little Known Facts

*** INSTRUCTIONS: ***

1. Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. The posts have to relate to the 5 key words given below.

2. Tag 5 other friends to do this meme. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances (if not, your current blog buddies will do) so that you get to know them each a little bit better.

I Tag...Shit! Half my frapping blog-roll has gone off to Neverland! Hopefully you 5 take the challege...no pressure!

Nina (Just shut up and do it!)
Belle (It may prove to be quite therapeutic)
Susan (How could I exclude my sister from another mother?)
Cyber D (You are winning my heart over slowly with Gyuss in a close second-where in the hell is Dagromm???)
Kofi (I hope you partake-you always have such interesting posts)

3. Don’t forget to read the archived posts and leave comments.

Murphy's Law

I know that I have made this comment several times before, but seriously...my life has been in a downward spiral for the past....well, eleventy (thanks Nance!) days and I am truly exhausted, and probably on the threshold of being completely and utterly nauseated.

The boys...I swore all my life as a TRUE procrastinator, that I would of course instill the exact opposite trait in my children. Well somehow, it seems that procrastination is innate. So here I sit after nearly 4 hours of helping a 3rd and a 5th grader with Literature projects that they were not only given a month to work on, but are due...tomorrow!

D also seems to think that his bullshit chitter chatter is by far more important that anything trivial that his teacher may have to discuss, you know, such as Math, Science, or Social Studies, and W seems to think that since he completes his work and puts it in his desk that it will somehow magically fly onto the teachers desk avoiding the 10% late "fee." *Sigh*

So in dealing with all that and trying to decide on creative, yet effective punishments, I think I totaled my fucking car yesterday...yes, it was my fault, and I feel like a complete and total idiot, because I wasn't preoccupied with my normal distractions such as text messaging or talking on the phone---AND I had my glasses on! I totally didn't see the oncoming car as I bolted away from the stop sign to cross an intersection (in all honesty, I'm not sure if she had her lights on). Her little SUV has a dent on the driver door...her and her son drove away merrily after giving the report. And my car...well, it's TOAST! Pieces of bumper scattered about...headlights completely dislodged...driver door won't open...you know totally fucked (pardon my shitty language)! Please do not mistake my anger and selective Touretts, because by no stretch of the imagination am I an ingrate. The boys and I made it out of there safely, and other than being sore all over and slowly killing my liver with these new Tylenol (which are the epitome of ass kickery), I cannot complain...fuck that, I will...$500 deductible...right before Christmas...the car would have been completely paid off June 2008...now I face having to buy a new one--thus another car payment...ugh!

And to top all this shit off...when I got to work today, I fell down the fucking stairs in the parking garage...yes you guessed it...no carpet...all concrete.

In comments...who else's day is the frapping worst ever?!

Hodge Podge V

As I am sitting here indulging in my delightfully tasty "Everything" bagel and laughing at NoR's comment on my last post, I decided to go ahead and continue to sprinkle you...

Why must stupid people be allowed to roam freely among civilized human beings? I mean seriously...what is that all about? If I had $1 for every stupid person I have encountered in the past week, I would be well on my way to Hawaii...or to see Es in lovely Puerto Rico by now!

I have realized that I will be 30 next year, and I am going through such a random range of emotions that I can't even come up with a term for my....state of being. Is this a 1/3 life crisis (Shut it! I can be optimistic!)??? Why do I cry in the middle of my pedicure? Laugh at the helpless individual who tripped over something? And put a stop to the most wonderful sexual relationship I've had in my LIFE??? Something is wrong...something is terribly wrong.

You've just got to love those kids...W and D were successful at pulling off all A's and B's (of course D's would be O and S equivalents) however they SUCKED in the areas of Social Behavior and Work Habits!!! How in the hell do you pull off a punishment-reward??? I mean they have the best of intentions...even if nobody told D that the Goat Milk in my mom's refrigerator wasn't Egg Nog before he took a big gulp or that some Veterinarians actually do eat meat! Or even if no one has broken the news to Will that those batteries which are NOT stronger than Energizer are not "Every-day" batteries and he should learn to read more closely or that mom catching a whiff-of-funk and his having to wear deodorant now is not a "cool" thing. I've really got my work cut out for me!

I've lost 7 lbs. in less than a month which can totally be attributed to stress! The good thing is that my blood pressure is now under control....the bad thing is that I'm sure I gained every ounce of it back yesterday at the KFC All You Can Eat Buffet!

So what is a totally confused, sad-at-(most) times, over-worked, under-paid, (now) sexually frustrated, 29 year-old woman to do at a time like this?

To be continued...

Hodge Podge IV

I would like to first of all apologize to all two of my friends who may have been worried during my hiatus. I didn't mean to make you think I had been abducted by wolves or committed suicide (no matter how close I may have come) or anything, I was just (and still kind of am) going through some things. But nonetheless, I'm back and about to sprinkle you all with a little dab of this, and a little dab of that.

Voting yesterday...aaaahhhhhh! All of the political hubbub really makes my ass hurt in all honesty, but I vote because it's my civic responsibility to do so. The tax issues are what pissed me off this year...they want to expand the library system here. And the way I see it, they always "conveniently" tell you the nominal amount of like $.00035 that will be taken out of each check, but do you notice that as the years go by, they never STOP taking it? I'm sorry, but all that crap adds up, and taxes here are high enough, and I believe that regardless of that two-to-one "NO" vote...the library shit will still happen.

Flu shots...people are absolutely crazy and coming in droves for this shit! Don't we have enough dormant diseases-in-the-form-of vaccinations sitting in our bodies since birth??? I haven't had the flu since 1997 (knock on wood)...WITHOUT the damned shot...No thank you!

Some idiot decided that since I make a couple of quarters more on my new job that they would do the courtesy of doubling my before/after school child care bill. Mmm hmm, that's right! I make to much to qualify for the scholarship I had.............but damn it, now I don't make enough to cover the fucking increase!

Another good friend of mine and the family (from back home---in his late 30's) passed Monday night...Cancer. And another previously mentioned but until granted permission to do otherwise, never disclosed VERY good friend of mine from back home was just diagnosed with it.

Anyways, SHIT! This post is getting too long, so I'll stop here, but expect a Hodge Podge V soon...and very soon!

In comments.......oh whatever the hell ya feel!

The Power of Words

Those of you who really know me know that I am a fan of semantics. Be it words in our every day language, or some of those random words that I like to make up on my own...I love words.

Well the other day, they had an interesting topic on the radio...words that evoke disgusting imagery in an of themselves! I was immediately sucked into this conversation and had a lot of fun thinking about blogging about it for the past few days. Now the following list of words are those that give me the willies! Some make my skin crawl...some make me nauseous...hell, some of them are pure hurlage!!!

1. Puke
2. Slither
3. Pus (this one makes me shiver!)
4. Spit
5. Ooze
6. Phlegm
7. Poop
8. Fart
9. Rotten
10. Corroded

...and of course the list could go on-I'm sure that I omitted a few!

In comments, how do these words make you feel? How many of you think I am insane.....as. If. I. Care. What words might you add to the list?

Speaking of Random Moments....

Susan, my sister from another mother has sent some interview questions that made me feel such a random range of emotions trying to answer them, I am almost speechless!

1. You wake up this morning and realize "this is the day I'm going to finally..." What is it that you've been putting off that you've finally found the strength to do? What's kept you from doing it this long? I'm (finally) going to do 2 things...brainstorm ideas for a Business Plan to open my night club, and do my research on first time home owners grants. I was just sick to my stomach today about a catastrophe at work, and then came home to sign yet another lease on my apartment (going into year 3). Given that these 2 events literally made me ill, instead of complaining, I would do something about the both of them.

2. Though you had the strong resolve to do what you've stated above, change can be hard. Who do you call when you're about to give up? Why? What do they do for you that motivates you to keep going? I call my friend T...she always has such sound advice and speaks to my spiritual being on a level like none other. I have always believed that she was placed in my life for significant reasons, and her objectivity and keep-it-realness has gotten me through a many a storm. She is a bit older and much wiser than I am and ALWAYS has the ability to see things in my situation which may not be apparent to me.

*Note, for the record, before calling T, I usually call upon God (prayer)...but you all know how I feel about discussing religion in detail...among other topics.

3. It's one of those gray days outside. Though you've tried really hard, you feel yourself getting a little down. Instead of trying to cheer back up you decide just to get good and depressed. What a) song do you listen to? b) movie do you watch? c) book do you read? a) "Open Up My Heart" by Yolanda Adams. b) "City of Angels" (Meg Ryan & Nicholas Cage). c) Those who know me know that I don't really read, but I did thoroughly enjoy "A Day Late and a Dollar Short" by Terry McMillan, and shed quite a few tears.

4. Alright, enough of that depressing shit. It's time to cheer up. What song makes you start tappin' your foot and feelin' better no matter what the mood? "Got to Give It Up" by Marvin Gaye!!!!

5. Did you just hear the knock at your door? Mr. Right has finally arrived! Describe him including: a) looks b) personality c) "hidden" talents d) what took him so damned long to show up? Susan, for the record, I. Heart. This question!!! a) He's between 6' and 6'4", beautiful smile, clean cut and shaved (unless there's a nice goatee), and smells like Heaven. b) He's smart, he has a great sense of humor, (I know it's a stretch but...) he's HONEST, compassionate, romantic, and open-minded. c) He has a nice "package," and knows how to take his time and do things right...and generally has the ability to put me in a state of paralysis when it comes to, well you know :) Aside from that though, he also knows how to make me smile and lift my spirits on the worst days :) d) First he was making sure that I passed the prerequisite...loving myself first. He also was waiting until he was sure I could handle actually having what I have longed for and prayed for and would totally be okay with the fact that I had to look no further!

Woman With No Regrets Interviews A Woman With Some...

NoR has taken time out of her busy schedule fighting bears and taming the wild to interview me. I am ever so excited to answer her questions and hope that all of you will enjoy this post!

1. You've just won an all-expenses paid vacation to anywhere in the world with either one adult or two children. Who would you take, and where would you go? I would most definitely take my young men, and we would tour Europe! They are the loves of my life, and since I was NEVER exposed to much excitement as a child, I vowed that as long as there is breath in my body, I would expose them to all of those things I missed out on. I know that Europe is culturally rich...France, Italy, Spain, Greece....the list goes on and on! There are places to go, people to see, and fabulous cuisine to eat!!!

2. You've just been chosen as a contestant on Survivor. What non-essential item would you take with you and why? Let me preface this expressing my disdain for reality shows (shut up Nina!)!!!! I don't like them...in fact, this is the first year I think I tuned in to American Idol! I just think that life is real enough, and true, it gives us a chance to see that other people are just as crazy as we are (if not crazier), they're just not my cup of tea!

I think I would take my lip gloss. My lips happen to be one of my strongest assets, and I happen to be borderline OCD when it comes to keeping them moist ;-)

3.What's the most important thing you've learned from your children? I have learned that love is the most phenomenal thing in this world! I never thought that I would ever have anyone in my life that could elevate my blood pressure to fatal levels and get me to the highest point of pisstivity...and I could still love them with all of my heart. I love them unconditionally, and know that they love me...and no matter how low I perceive my esteem to be, they lift me up in a way unimaginable to all mankind. They are truly a blessing in my life.

4. If you had to choose one of the following to happen to you, which would it be?
- lose sight
- lose hearing
- lose use of legs
Wow NoR!!!! This is truly a tough one, but if I had to pick, it would be to lose hearing. I couldn't imagine what it would be like not to actually see if the world would change, how my boys would grow, or the 4 seasons as they come and go. I also am a person who needs to be in perpetual motion, so to lose the use of my legs would definitely impede that process! So, in a nutshell, I would prefer close-captioning and sign language to a seeing-eye dog and/a wheelchair any day!

5. Do you have any regrets? If so, name one and explain why/what you'd have done differently. If not, tell me your favorite color. :-) Yes, and I know that the saying goes, "everything happens for a reason," but there are many regrets that I have. I regret being such a harsh person at times. I had to build this wall around me and put armor on my heart because of what I had been through having a crack addict as a mother and trying to survive, along with allowing the 2 men that I had my children by to be a part of my life. Now I don't regret them because I have my children, but they are a part of the reason my heart has been broken beyond repair.

All I can say about my action plan is that therapy and a relocation have truly helped...tremendously. I look at things differently now, I try not to sweat the small stuff, and I try to yield on occasion, because healthy relationships with family and friends are wonderful! I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I know that I am a work in progress, but many in my immediate circle will tend to agree that I am in a much better place.

PS~My favorite color is Peach and shut the hell up...yes it IS a color ;-)

Damn You Dagromm!

Apparently, our friend Dagromm likes to be clever and go against the grain. He has asked 50-11 questions in this interview, and I need him to understand that there may be hell to pay!

1. You're a good parent who loves your kids, but you're like all of us and once in a while think "What if". So if you didn't have kids what do you think that you would have done or accomplished that you haven't done to this point? You know honestly it is VERY difficult to imagine what life would be without them! I don't think I would have my MBA, but I would have completed the Computer Science degree that I began before learning that I was pregnant with W. I attribute my level of motivation to them, so although I would be successful (I'm sure), I would probably be a lonely workaholic with a smaller ass and hips!

2. It's been well documented that the Crotch Wizards have had to discipline rogue members of the group before. Which member of the Crotch Wizards would you like to discipline? I think hands down, that would be Cyber D. For the most part, he behaves, but when he gets in certain moods and has his occasional bout with passive-aggressiveness, I would like to crack my whip!

3. Dagromm Day has been sweeping the globe, how do you celebrate and show your love for all that is Dagromm? Hmmm...let's see, there would be a festival with competitive games and a costume contest. Dagromm/Dags/Dagomon shirts, hats, pins, and Frisbees for everyone (for a small fee of course)! There would also be a ceremony featuring a tribute to the new wave--the age of the Soccer Dad and a "Things I Like About Dagromm" round. Then everyone would gather around with glasses of Tequila in hand for the dedication round where you present the sponsorship check to me for Tera Day!

4. The world had finally figured it out and decided that you should be treated like a queen and waited on hand and foot by a concubine of men including Vin Diesel, Dwayne "The Rock Johnson, Paul Walker, Tom Welling, and Tyson Beckford. This being the new status quo, I ask "How could you do this to me?????" I would simply say, "Not to worry My Sweet, because the only one on that list I would consider allowing doing anything to me other than my hair, manicure, pedicure, or massage is Paul Walker, and after Q's latest post, even that is questionable!"

5. Due to tragic unforeseen circumstances you die by a massive overdose of cocaine and Red Bull. When you arrive in heaven Saint Peter asks whom you'd like to live next door to in the community apartments in the sky for the rest of Eternity. I haven't died yet so you can't choose me. Q has died, but apparently some of his sexual oddities kept him from being admitted through the pearly gates. (You crack me up!) I would ask to live next door to my grandmother on the right, and my Aunt Button on the left.

6. Blogger asks about your favorite movie and book. I want to know what your favorite music video is? Currently and of all time? Currently it's "Wall to Wall" (Chris Brown) or wait, maybe it's "Get Me Bodied" (Beyonce)??? Anyways...of all time, I'm torn between "Pleasure Principle" (Janet Jackson) and "Thriller" (Michael Jackson).

7. Your about to make some steamy lovin'. What music do you have playing when it's time to get to it? The new Jagged Edge CD...although short, it's. The. Shit.

8. Your kid asks you one of those questions that makes you say, "Oh shit!?!". What's the question? Ooh, this is easy, because it has happened on several occasions! "Mommy, I know this is my winkie (flicking it in a way that makes me uncomfortable).........but what's theeeeese (with thumb and middle finger in a c-shape gently pressing "them" together)?"

9. What does the term "...for her pleasure" mean to you? When you've seen it used has it been accurate? All I have to say about that is condoms only means safer...they are NEVER "for her pleasure."

10. We all have boundaries. Even on the Internet. What topics do you have no interest in discussing? Please discuss them now. Well I guess your request defeats the purpose??? I generally don't like discussing politics...I'm a Democrat (there, consider it discussed). I also don't like discussing religion...too many blasphemists out there nowadays!

11. Please elaborate on your answer to #10. You're funny...no!

12. Somebody offers you fifty bucks to cut all ties with your blog friends and never read their stuff or communicate with them again. Do you take it? If not what's your price? (Mine's twenty) LOL! No, I would tell them to keep their $50, because my blog friends are indispensable! Uhhhhh, but say $51.50, it might warrant further discussion ;-)

13. A good friend has just discovered blogging and wants to know about the group you run in. How do you describe them? As a good combination of smart, funny, crazy, emotional, witty, and aesthetic!

14. You gain the ability and opportunity to kick ass like Grace Jones in Conan the Destroyer, except with better hair. Whose ass gets beat first? Am I allowed to say the President here? I guess this would be a continuation of number 11 :)

15. What do people at work think you're doing all day? LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! I can't care!

Compliments of Eslocura

Eslocura has taken time out of her busy schedule to interview me! Admittedly, these were very thought provoking and not the easiest to answer, but nonetheless, here we go!

1) If you can only use 5 words to best describe who you are, what would they be?

A strong, independent, educated, dedicated mother.

2) You just found that "magical genie lamp", the genie wants to grant you 3 wishes, what are they?

I have given this question thought from time to time, but always hoped that I was never required to do the difficult task of answering it! I guess initially, I would do just the same as about 95% of people would do...wish for everlasting wealth. To be debt free would alleviate most of my stress and worries. I know that I have a strong work ethic, so I'm sure that I would continue to do so (of course after taking a couple of months off so that the boys and I could travel)...I would just like to pay my bills and live comfortably for the rest of my life.

I would wish for the healing and birth of a new nation. Meaning a holistic approach to that including a change in leadership (for the good!); economic growth and stability; health care for all; reduction in crime; elimination of hate, racism, and prejudice; and national peace. Yes, I realize this may be quite a loaded wish, but who says I can't make the attempt?

Lastly, I would wish that me, my family, and friends would lead happy, healthy, long and successful lives. Yes, that one is loaded as well, but whatever, they're my damned wishes!

3) Parenting has got to be the hardest job around, What life lessons do you hope to instill in your kids?

This one nearly brought me to tears. I feel as a parent, there is so much to do, and so little time to do it. You want to capture every little thing that might affect the essence of their being at the right ages and at the right time...so timing is very critical. Anyways, I guess it is really a three pronged approach that I have been sort of using and has seemed to work thus far.

*It is important to learn about love, respect, compassion, HONESTY, loyalty, and integrity. I teach them that each and everything they do in their lifetime is a reflection of what type of person they are. I also teach the importance of treating others as they want to be treated; that 2 wrongs do not make a "right;" and that they must first respect themselves before others will.

*Education is important---street knowledge as well as book knowledge. I tell them all the time that education will get them everywhere they will go in life. Common sense is a critical element, and knowing right from wrong is the key. Education also speaks to creativity and being an individual. D loves art...W does not, but that doesn't mean that they aren't equally terrific and stunningly brilliant young men alike.

*Lastly, with anything that I teach them, I told them that values should be intrinsically driven, and they should be individuals who are driven to do the right things because it comes from within. I tell them to love and appreciate the beings that they are and never let anyone tell them that they are anything less than the wonderful, smart, beautiful young men that I have raised them to be. I teach them that a relationship with God is very important, and that there is power in prayer. And I also teach them to always love with all that they have; learn as much as they can; live each day as if it is their last; and dream each day as if they will live forever.

4) My home is my sanctuary away from the evils of the planet, describe your sanctuary?

Well, there is not much to my home, but I agree, it is my refuge from the madness of the world...a place where I feel safe, comfortable, and free. In the physical world, I have a 1,550 sq. ft. apartment with 3 bedrooms, 2 full bathrooms (it is a BITCH cleaning them...especially when one is just for the boys!), dine-in kitchen, and other essentials. But in the emotional, mental, and spiritual world, it is a kingdom...filled with the various elements of conversation, education, good food, and good times ALONG WITH LOVE, safety, companionship, spirituality, and a sense of belonging.

5) I know you write lovely poetry, and of course you also blog, what inspires you to write?

To put it simply, LIFE inspires me to write. That's pretty self explanatory, and I think you ALL can relate :)

Interview rules: 1) If you would like to be interviewed leave me a comment saying "interview me".2) I will respond by emailing you 5 questions, I get to pick the questions.3) Update your blog with a post containing the answers.4) Include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.5) When others comment asking to be interviewed, you ask them 5 questions.

I Cried Last Night

The world has just come crashing in
Does anyone else feel this way?
I barely have one dime to spend
Who’d have thought I’d see this day?
We’re at war; the economy is shot; and our country bleeds
Guns are legal; murder is leisure, what an atrocity.

State taxes are the highest they’ve been
Gas prices are such a shame.
Foreclosures galore, we can’t feed the poor
Hmm, what was our President’s name?
The school system is questionable; some teachers don’t care; and some parents don’t do their part
Young children are on drugs; our sons are in jail…this just breaks my heart.

With a plethora of things going on, guess what’s on my mind?
It’s not clarity or a solution…it’s my HEART I’m trying to find.
I’m not happy at work; 3 jobs make it harder; and I would like much more time with my kids
To have a companion and actually be happy…oh my, Heaven forbid.

I’m stressed out like crazy; I can’t eat or sleep (at night)…what is wrong with me?
I sleep all day long and don’t want to be bothered…please just leave me be!
I’m not getting younger, I’ve lost all hope…wait who is that at the door?
Love? Ha! Love, who needs love? Love doesn’t live here anymore.

I cried last night because I feel so alone in this cold and dark little place
I cried last night because our problems are bigger than what put the tears on my face.
So why can’t I focus and get out of self long enough to see?
Why can’t I understand today that the problem’s much bigger than me?
I cried last night for personal reasons, and selfish…yeah I may be.
I cried last night because I’m dying inside and want badly to be free.

111

111...it is just a number right? Well what is it trying to tell me? Let me first of all preface this post by saying that this is something that precedes me watching "The Number 23," and has no positive correlation to anything that may have been conveyed or concocted....for that matter, in that movie whatsoever. Let me also say that it has been driving me nuts, so as always, I turn to you...my fellow bloggers for your insight.

Whenever I look at the clock, 1:11 p.m. (and/a.m. for that matter); whenever I look at the time on my cell phone, 1:11; when I get change, $1.11; the other day, I counted the money in my wallet, $111. License plates, time left on the microwave, in literature, the number of playing cards in the junk drawer, the heat index for about a week in the summer; similarly, my sister's birthday is January 11th, and my mother says it RARELY comes out in the Pick 3, so she doesn't think playing it in the lottery is the "sign."

I'll tell you what (even just seen "I'll" typed is driving me bananas!)...I will not allow it to consume my life, because in my estimation, it's too trivial a matter. I would like to know however since I have begun to dream it on occasion, if it may be tied to something deeper.

In your comments, your thoughts? Any recurring numbers in your lives? And NO for the record, I am not crazy yet, because I also have had recent visions of the number 69 ;-)

Innocence Lost

The most innocent and adorable face you ever could see is that of a child. They are the littlest people...with the most gentle touch, genuine ideas, and the most inquisitive minds. They are at our mercy when it comes to those physiological needs such as food, safety, shelter.......and love. In order to reciprocate our provisions for them, they pour out unconditional love in abundance and remind us that they are the little lives that we've created and are 100% responsible for...they are our children.

Well my friends out there in Blogland...in the past couple of days, my cousin's Godson has fallen victim to one of the most hateful, most inconceivable, most ridiculously absurd, and most heinous crimes of them all at a tender tender young age of 2...he was MURDERED.

When I got the call Tuesday, I asked what happened. The (new) boyfriend who was babysitting the young man said that he allowed him to get out of the bathtub alone, and he accidentally fell. His mother came home LATER that afternoon to find him gasping for air and rushed him to the doctor. That left me to wonder...how accidental could that have been if he let the young man sit there ALL DAY in agony without calling 9-1-1 or taking him to the ER? I knew at that moment that he must have done something to him...sure enough, yesterday, it was on the news...it was ruled a HOMICIDE.

There was an arrest made today. The coroner reported that the young man had suffered from several blows to the head and chest. There was blood nestled behind his retinas, and he had suffered severe brain damage before death. All the motherfucker had to say about it was..."Sorry."

There is nothing that can undo what he has done; there is nothing he can say to redeem himself; and similarly, there is nothing that can bring the young man back. A tragedy indeed...a true tragedy indeed.

In comments, what compels one to harm the most innocent creatures on earth?

Alas!!! The Boys at P&P!

Other than a few odds and ends, I don't think I've ever posted a blog about my handsome young men!!! As I sit here looking at the photo on my desk...which by the way seems to be my only remnant of why I remain sane now days...I began to chuckle. They are the light of my life, and the center of my universe, so I thought I'd shared a few anecdotes from the Life and Times of W and D!!!

W is the older of the 2. He's a pretty laid back young man who has gotten an A+ in grasping the concept of "every man for himself." Generally, he looks out for his younger brother, but on some occasions he has been caught red handed doing things such as finishing his slushie about 3/4 of the way and trading with D (whose slushie is still almost full) because he's assured him that "red" is better than "blue." One time, he used his age, thus, more advanced gross motor skills to his advantage and left D in the dust when they were about to go outside and he could tie his shoes quicker. There was also this one time when he knew he was the only one who had graduated from "toaster use only" to using the microwave and didn't make enough french toast sticks for D...you know...that kind of stuff.

And then there's D...he's who many refer to as "that little one." Let's just say that he's cut from a different cloth. Although both of the boys are astoundingly brilliant, and are very astute, D is well...a little "different." He wears these cute little glasses that make him seem so adorable and innocent, when in fact, I've had to (a time or two) leave a slight hand imprint on those ever-running soup coolers of his! He has the mouth. He always reminds me when I am a word or two off from telling stories accurately; he likes to kindly tell people if they you know, have a "booger (which he refers to as mocos)," if they stink, or if they're mean, or racist etc.; he also likes to politely let everyone in the parking lot know when I accidentally drop a piece of unwanted paper...or napkin...or apple core or something.

I'll tell you, the boys are characters...different as night and day, but both possess many qualities that I had as a child/have, and it cracks me up!

W likes to express (very loudly-which I call "dry snitching") to D, "You know Mommy said we can't ride our skateboards down the slide!" and his center of focus is hanging out with his friends...with whom he shares a secret handshake...

While D likes to draw, and write poems, stories and books; and tries emotional appeal tactics to persuade me to buy Axe cologne for them because the commercial says, "It makes the ladies go crazy!"

Yep...those two are a riot. And I am announcing from this point forward that I will share little D and W-isms periodically so that I may give you all a glimpse of what REALLY keeps me going in this chaotic thing I call a life!

In comments, what do you think of the boys so far; share your own little stories about your little Bambino/as; and if I really go crazy, who wants to come with?

Numerology

Okay, I finally watched "The Number 23." I must admit, I really like Jim Carrey anyways, so this was much easier to watch than say..."1408." I was totally intrigued by the mind games, the trickery, the happenstance, the mystery, and depth. I was moved by the suspense thriller mood with a "Sixth Sense" hue, and a third person twice removed kinda twist!

In comments: Your feedback. Who will try to respond in 23 letters or less? And a bonus for admitting if whether or not you actually tried your name and/were sucked into the Numerology exercises in the extras!

When It Rains It Pours

As school has begun, they are putting fall clothes on the racks, and summer is coming to an inevitable end, I have felt compelled to sit back and reflect upon the chain of events in my life for the past couple of months. Let's see...

These vacuums-for-pockets idiots at the KY BMV finally found out that I hadn't switched my car insurance from my Ohio policy, and now, I have incurred and additional (at my "convenience") $87 cost on my monthly premium.

The jerk I tried to build a long distance relationship with (back home) wasn't holding up his end of the bargain. And lets just say he's not the sharpest crayon in the box since he lives a few houses down from my mother...OF COURSE she wouldn't tell me!

I tried to reconvene adult activity with my Part-Time Peter...but to my surprise......he's a fucking loser too!

I found out I have to actually pay for the follow up visits to the dentist which should have been included in the umpteen thousands of dollars I paid them to do the work!

They stopped selling my favorite chicken wings at Wal-Mart....Bastards!

I haven't met anyone that moves me enough to even consider a first date with them, let alone a second.

Gas is STILL more per gallon than a frapping gallon of milk (which I'm still trying to figure out which is worse)!

My job as we all know it, still SUCKS! They've added extra duties for which they have no intentions of compensating me for...BITCHES!

It's been so damned hot outside, that I can barely make home from the grocery store without the veggies looking pureed, and the ice cream looking like milk.

I woke up this morning with a stupid ass flat tire, thus, my kids were late to school already on day 5. And the fact that I had to pay nearly $20 to get the fucker plugged makes my ass hurt!!!

In comments...you already know what to do!

Sniffle Sniffle...*Blowing Nose*

All right people. High tail your asses over to Nina's blog...she wrote an incredible post today!

I Couldn't Let It Go!

My Sweet, please don't consider me an ingrate, because I sooooo love the Avatar you picked for me, which of course, won the vote. Thank you again. I just could not let the Mermaid on Rock in Thought go, hence, I posted it on my sidebar! So Eslocura, please accept this token of my appreciation...I guess since I didn't get any mangos, I will have to settle for the picture you sent!

Forgive Me Father, For I Have Sinned...

Who would have thought that this day would ever come? I most certainly didn't! All of my life, I have had standards by which I live, principles that I adopt, and morals and values by which I stand...firmly. One of those is using the phrase G__damn it (no matter how hard I've every tried, I can't do it), and another is...sleeping with a married man.

This is something that I would not budge on...for several reasons. One, I think that I do a fantabulous job of sinning on my own, two being I don't have time to aid and abet some one's infidelities, and three...If I'm going to go to hell, shit, I'm not going to hell for a man that can't control his winkie!

But there has been a strange series of events in my life lately...almost in a Leminy Snickets (if that's how you spell the shit) sort of way. I used to work very closely with a man on my last job...and when they were looking to fill that position, I hoped and prayed that it would be someone my age, a peer...someone I could relate to. I just didn't think that if they would send someone as suavamente as M that he'd have to be married!!! Now we all know that I have had my share of office romance and wasn't in the mood for another, but brother man was looking rather scrumdili-icious!

I did a very good job of containing myself during our tenure there. We even hung out on occasion (which his wife was totally fine with), and more often than not, I think he picked up on certain esteem issues I had and began complimenting me profusely...on my personality, my education...and yes, even my appearance! We still never "went there," and I hated when I had the most impure thoughts when I smelled his cologne etc.

One night we went out, and had a great time! Everyone else that joined us had left, but he and I still had to "politic" about a thing or two. So we did, and as we departed, he got in the passenger side of my car since we still had "a little giggle left." After a second or two, he said, "I had a great time tonight...give me a hug so we can take our drunk asses home." So I did................and to my surprise, I got a soft, sweet, sensual, peck on the neck! 105 degrees of heat immediately rushed through the blood in my veins, each and every one of my 206 bones reduced to rubber, I began to throb in parts that I'd much rather not mention (can't afford anything higher than an "R" rating on this blog), and any oxygen supply that may have availed itself to me in that moment ceased to exist! We sat there...speechless...and we went our separate ways.

It didn't make anything awkward, but I did feel a bit guilty, because to me, a sin in the mind is just as bad as one in real life! We never mentioned it again, but that's when it all began...

I have been having recurring dreams about M! These dreams are the most passionate, lustful, and down right out-of-this world in nature! It is getting to the place where I just can't handle it! And since we still hang out, I am not sure how much more I can take!!!

Help me please! What do I do? Someone smack some sense into me!

P.S. I know what 97.5% of you are going to say, but I am so curious as to what the other 2.5% are pondering!

Gone But Not Forgotten

Susan has really been on me lately about my sporadic behavior when it comes to posting on my blog. So, I said to myself that I would post about whatever was on my mind this morning, or that which has been on my mind the most lately. Since this is somewhat of a somber topic, I will post another mini-post when this one is complete.

I got a text the other day from my very good friend Ro who lives in Ohio...it read, "Please pray for K (her daughter), because she lost her father...he was murdered last night." My heart dropped! We are from a very small town back in Ohio where everybody knows everybody and has for years, so, within minutes I received a few other texts about it. I didn't really know him very well, but it saddened me, because (since I've been in such a nostalgic mood lately) I began to think of all of the CLOSE friends...and a couple of lovers too that I have lost over the years.

May they rest in peace...they are gone, but truly not forgotten...

1983-My friend Jocelyn (5)...hit by a car (we were only in Kindergarten)
1993-A friend, Desmond (16), accidentally shot in the head by his step-brother
1998(ish)-A close family friend, Giovanni (mid 30's)...murdered (stabbed to death) by her husband
1999-A lover Rashad (19) in SC...fell asleep behind the wheel after a football game; crashed and broke his neck
2000(ish)-A friend Dre (early 20's)...hit by a semi and killed in a car crash
2000(ish)-A childhood friend, Tonya (early 20's)...committed suicide
2001(ish)-A very close friend's daughter, Kyia (a couple weeks old)...passed away after complications (she was a premie)
2002-My BEST friend Kysha (24)...died of cancer
2003(ish)-My son's father's best friend Dre (early 30's)...shot and killed
2003(ish)-A good friend, Robert (mid 20's)...drowned
2004-A lover Cleon (mid 20's)...died of a drug overdose
2005-A life long friend, Maurice (26)...stabbed and killed
2006-A close friend, Kevin (early 30's)...shot and killed while at a wake
2006-A co-worker and friend, Shashu (early 40's)...died of cancer
2007-A good friend, Butterball (late 20's)...shot and killed

I'm sure I may have missed a couple, because at times, it seemed like every time I turned around, there was a funeral to attend! Bear in mind that this is only friends and doesn't include those family members that I have mentioned to you in several blogs and comments past. I guess this has been on my mind because it is important to tell your friends how much you really care about them and how much they mean to you, because in a split second, they can be gone.

In comments...any friends and/lovers lost and how to deal with the grief years later, and years to come.

Nostalgia

Nostalgia---oh what a wonderful thing. Sometimes, it is our gentle reminder that things weren't always amok in our lives. Sometimes it is the spontaneous recollection of those little tidbits of history that brings us so much joy. Sometimes it is that last little thread that ties to those memories that we would like to hold onto for an eternity.

This morning, when I opened my bag of popcorn and the flavorful aroma emerged from the bag, I instantly thought of when my mother (during one of her very few sober times when I was a kid) used to make Jiffy Pop on the stove in the little aluminum pan with the handle...whether it was for eating during a movie or to string for the Christmas tree, it always made me feel a sense of coziness and brought a smile to my face. So then I began to think of other things that happen in my every day life that are nostalgic...

Cardboard boxes: Who didn't make an attempt to build a club house? We attempted to build one every day, and even on occasion tried to augment our strategy by outlining it with random bricks and huge rocks that we found in the neighborhood! We had the bare necessities that we managed to scrounge up such as newspaper (for sitting), lunch meat (for dinner), toys, and a roll of toilet paper. I always have a little giggle when I think of how many countless times we attempted this task and NEVER could quite get it!

"Penny" candy: Now & Laters, Chick-o-Sticks, Boston Baked Beans, Lemonheads...the list goes on and on! Remember you could actually get them for 5 cents or cheaper??? Well the aforementioned list reminds me of the local dairy which happened to be right across the street form where I grew up. I thought I was the epitome of "the shit" when I was allowed to cross the street at 5 years-old to get my grandmother's newspaper, Wonder bread, and yes....penny candy!

"The Green Thing:" I never really quite knew what to call that...I think it controlled some kind of power source in the neighborhood, but to us, it was also known as "base." We played hide-and-go-seek for HOURS when they put that thing next door! *Shouting* "Ice in a glaaaassss....Kool-Aid!"

Ham Hocks cooking on Sunday morning: Every time I make a hearty Sunday dinner of greens, baked barbecue chicken, macaroni & cheese (from scratch), candied yams, and cornbread, I think of Sunday morning at Grandma's. The boiling pot emits a misty steam that plasters to the window...oh the days I used to write my name in the fog, and wait *im*patiently for my taste tester of those wonderfully sweet candied yams!

Warm, sunny Saturday mornings: Waking up early at Grandma's for Cream of Wheat and toast while I wait for the Saturday morning line up, Smurfs, the Snorkles, and Alvin & The Chipmunks (and if I was lucky, the Chipettes were on that episode)!

Boy, those were the days....

In comments, does anyone else miss their Grandma so much they could cry, why was it called penny candy if it never cost a penny, and what the hell happened to good cartoons???

Hodge Podge III

Well finally, the avatar madness is over! And who woulda thunk it'd be "Girl (With Boobage) On Cell Phone?" It was a close race with "Mermaid in Thought..." as the latter seemingly fit my blog title more since she appears to be pondering. Or does the prevailing avatar qualify for the perusing vote...meaning guys get past the boobage and recognize the poinsettia in the background...and she has on a sleeveless shirt...must be a warm climate.


Anyways, in the Life and Times of Tera, I have been recently faced with a dilemma. How old is too old for a "significant other?" I recently met a really nice guy, and I am totally convinced that hadn't he told me his age, things would be different (other than the pisstivity involved had he been dishonest)!!! He has asked me on several dates since meeting me, which I have gone on two, but I just can't help but wondering if it looks like I'm having dinner with my dad??? I mean technically, a guy CAN be a daddy at 13 right? I mean he is just a few years younger than my mother! I mean...okay, to hell with it...I will let you guys have at it.

As the middle class in this society ceases to exist, I wonder how fair it is that gas prices are rising, child care costs as much as the average mortgage payment, and cereal is soaring near and or at around $5/box!!! Where is the motivation to get ahead in this life if the more you make, the more prone you are to be in Wednesday's soup line?

It's almost time for school to start back, and I LOATHE school shopping!!! I mean why in the hell do they need 2 each (ROYGBIV---don't get it twisted) of pocket folders, a ton of glue sticks, 3 boxes of tissues, and get this...a disposable camera! Glade plug-ins are on the "wish list..." I'll tell you what, unless I can file the rest of the class on my taxes, they know where they can shove this said wish list!

In other news, STRESS is kicking my ass! I lost 5 lbs in the past week (I'm not proud since stress isn't a healthy way to lose weight)!!! My job is driving me crazy, and the work load is piling up! How in the hell am I supposed to find time to blog?!?!?

Why can't I hit the lottery? I suppose one of the prerequisites is actually PLAYING the lottery, but who in the hell needs the middle step(s)?

I also see that Colonix is taking the nation over by storm...sorry, but I won't be posting pictures of my BM's on a website for the entire world to see! Um ewwww...that's hurlage (I made that word up)!

In comments...what's going on in your worlds, what's on your mind, and when did Ex-Lax lose it's popularity?

Off To The Polls!

Hello All! I would like to start by expressing my deepest gratitude for those of you who submitted avatar photos! Since there are so many wonderful possibilities, I figured I'd post them and open the floor for a vote. Now I must admit...I am torn between a couple, so please put some thought into your votes...hopefully, I don't have to overthrow the democracy ;)

The Rules:

1) Please choose 3 and rank them in order, number 1 being the favoritest.
2) Votes must be submitted by 5 p.m. (EST) on Thursday, July 19th
3) Have Fun!!!

Here they are in no particular order of submission...assume the numbering to be 1-20 respectively:

In comments, cast your votes, and try to be even more clever by justifying your decision and does anyone else need an avatar?

This is so exciting, as I am just days away from having an avatar!!!

Tuesday Thumper?

After much consideration, and internal debate, I decided against the little "right shoulder voice" and decided to proceed with this post. We haven't posted "bunnies" in a while, so....

*Nance please accept my apologies as I know that you do not like posts that have a sexual connotation to them, but along with feeling a little "frisky" today, I felt that it was my civic duty, and inherent responsibility to maintain my "R" rating on this blog.*

In comments...why hasn't anyone posted a bunny in so long, anyone else feeling "frisky (I like that word)," and how to reduce my Post-Post Dissonance.

P.S. Only a few days left for Avatar submissions before I present what I have to the group for a vote. Thanks again, to those of you who have obliged my request thus far!

STILL No Takers?!?!?!

All right people...I am losing my patience with you! I have graciously solicited your thoughts and/ideas for an Avatar, and no one...not even one of you have been kind enough to offer a suggestion. *Wiping tear* I have even hinted around to it by some of my recent posts as I feel confident that when you think, "Tera" some image MUST come to mind!!!

*Sigh* I am disappointed...and feeling about as left out as I feel about not being in Heather's side bar and I'm supposed to be a part of the female Quad!!!!! *Wink*

In your comments...Am I being silly? "Tera, find your own damned Avatar?" or "Tera, you look just fine as the blank space that you are..."

P.S. Even I had to chuckle at this post...the first time I must have smiled in days!!!

More Afraid Now Than Ever

On June 6th, Fringe had a post called "Choose Your Story." I put a nutshell "My Life" story on there because I chose to write about my "Fear." I present it to you in today's post, because there is an update on it, and given my emotional state right now, I decided to actively include you all as you always have a way of giving me good advice, providing many points view, and cheering me up:

My life wasn’t cookies and cream. My mother was a crack addict off and on (on more than off) for 16 years, and my grandmother raised me for the most part. And through the stealing my money, selling things given to me, and 2-week disappear acts, I had to struggle with the fact that she still claimed and professed to love me.

She got arrested and was given an ultimatum…prison or treatment…she chose the latter. After being released, she remained sober for 2 1/2 years (and was the best grandmother ever) and I finally knew what it was like to have a HEALTHY relationship with my mother…until she met my younger sister’s dad, who for the sake of saying his name, I will call him the Devil…she relapsed.

Both of my sisters (we were born at 11-year increments) were born with problems due to her addiction. By the time she was 9 months pregnant with Angel, she opted for sobriety again. I felt for sure she’d be okay because she CHOSE to go and wasn’t MANDATED to go…she is 7 years, 4 months, and 4 days sober (7 years, 5 months and 3 days now).

Of course during the course of those years, she has been in a relationship for 4 of them with a man she met in the “Program (whom we’ve grown to love and adore).” But admittedly, I always had a fear about her dating someone who was on the wagon too, because what if their strength wasn’t equal (or his greater) in magnitude? What if she does the same thing she did when she was with the Devil?

Last week, I get a call from my mom…her significant other has relapsed after 5 years of sobriety…Fear puts it lightly.

Now for the update...

Remember my kids are home with my mom for the summer...Well, my sister informed me while they were here for the 4th of July that my mom has been allowing him to spend the night at the house when he cries and for increments of 5-10 minutes wants to be sober again. My mother is being dishonest about it, which in AA shows signs that she's weakening...

Your thoughts?

My Blog Rating...I Need More Proof!

Mingle² - Online Dating

That sucks! It was rated this way because I used hell 6X, shit 3X and ass once!!!! I demand a recount!

Very Interesting...

I'm A Sucker for Peer Pressure...Got 2 For Ya!

So....THAT'S What You Look Like!

How many of us in our immediate blogger social circle have wondered what one or the other of our fellow bloggers look like? Many of us have alluded to this in recent posts several times, and I had been intending to blog about it, but it wasn't until I had a dream 2 nights ago about Gyuss and Dagromm (which I'm sure they look nothing like the bald white men I saw in my dream) coupled with Cyber D's post today that reminded me that I wanted to do so.

So I ask...what DO you think the bloggers look like? Many of you guys have avatars/icons that I associate you with, and the rest of you (including me) leave the rest to sheer mystery!

In comments...what do your fellow bloggers look like, what would you like them to envision when they see you?! And I promise guys...the dream about Dagromm and Gyuss was totally rated G!