On June 6th, Fringe had a post called "Choose Your Story." I put a nutshell "My Life" story on there because I chose to write about my "Fear." I present it to you in today's post, because there is an update on it, and given my emotional state right now, I decided to actively include you all as you always have a way of giving me good advice, providing many points view, and cheering me up:
My life wasn’t cookies and cream. My mother was a crack addict off and on (on more than off) for 16 years, and my grandmother raised me for the most part. And through the stealing my money, selling things given to me, and 2-week disappear acts, I had to struggle with the fact that she still claimed and professed to love me.
She got arrested and was given an ultimatum…prison or treatment…she chose the latter. After being released, she remained sober for 2 1/2 years (and was the best grandmother ever) and I finally knew what it was like to have a HEALTHY relationship with my mother…until she met my younger sister’s dad, who for the sake of saying his name, I will call him the Devil…she relapsed.
Both of my sisters (we were born at 11-year increments) were born with problems due to her addiction. By the time she was 9 months pregnant with Angel, she opted for sobriety again. I felt for sure she’d be okay because she CHOSE to go and wasn’t MANDATED to go…she is 7 years, 4 months, and 4 days sober (7 years, 5 months and 3 days now).
Of course during the course of those years, she has been in a relationship for 4 of them with a man she met in the “Program (whom we’ve grown to love and adore).” But admittedly, I always had a fear about her dating someone who was on the wagon too, because what if their strength wasn’t equal (or his greater) in magnitude? What if she does the same thing she did when she was with the Devil?
Last week, I get a call from my mom…her significant other has relapsed after 5 years of sobriety…Fear puts it lightly.
Now for the update...
Remember my kids are home with my mom for the summer...Well, my sister informed me while they were here for the 4th of July that my mom has been allowing him to spend the night at the house when he cries and for increments of 5-10 minutes wants to be sober again. My mother is being dishonest about it, which in AA shows signs that she's weakening...