I could hardly wait until I had a moment to sit down and blog about this one...we all know about it, we all see it, and there is a select few of us who have it...ROAD RAGE!!! I think I am guilty as charged! I pass people in haste. I can't stand these bastards that don't use turn signals. I am growing more and more impatient with the cell phone users who think that being on the phone is CLEARLY an excuse for going 25 miles less than the speed limit. I can't stand people who don't know how to drive in the elements...I mean for crying out loud, I can COUNT the snow flakes on the ground!!! I also have felonious thoughts about people who tail-gate me, cut me off, and for some strange reason, in my city, people think they can just walk in front of my car which is clearly going more than 55 mph. as if I had decided at that very moment to test my brakes!
I find myself yelling obscenities that I obviously made up in my mind, because they don't really connect or give an example of a coherent thought. And also as I shout out these things like FU**A$$, and DOUCHE BAG (of COURSE trying to control that when the children are in the car) and look in the rear view mirror, I feel an ounce of shame for a millisecond as the boys are chuckling and looking at me as if I had just come down with a bad case of Tourettes.
So all of you out there in Blog Land...I ask of thee...who is guilty??? I decided that the best way to do this is to list the TOP 3 incidents I have either witnessed, been a part of, or have heard about...perhaps one or two of you can relate!
Number 3
I am on the way to the store riding in the car with my son's grandmother who had clearly had a bad day. The woman behind us was tailgating. B was getting furious, so she decided she'd tick this woman off further and drive slower. I know that B can have a temper, so I observe and say nothing. Finally, the road splits to 2 lanes...The woman passes B and flips her the finger. And among the 100 curse words, I think I heard a fuck or 2 and a random "bitch!" B FOLLOWED HER!!! As the lady pulled into the parking lot and looked as if (what appeared to me) she might have shit her pants, she just sat in the car...not B! She got out and went over to the car like, "I got yo BITCH!!!" She wouldn't get out of the car...I wouldn't stop laughing.
Number 2
I was driving along my merry way at the grocery store, and ever since I learned how to drive, I think that crosswalks are appropriately marked with a sign that reads "Pedestrians Crossing" and there are white parallel lines on the ground indicating the area where they are to cross right? So am I wrong if I proceed to drive and listen to my music and not yield if I am NOT in that area? Well I did, and all of a sudden, a loud bump, bump, bump and the sound of my hood caving in caught my attention...my friend and I were almost afraid to look...I opened my eyes...there on my hood, pointing his finger and yelling obscenities at ME, there he was...a damn pedestrian. I politely asked him to get his stupid ass off my car (as if he didn't see that bright, gold Plymouth Breeze coming down the road) and once he did, I proceeded as normal.
Number 1 (and this takes the cake...it happens to have occurred TODAY!)
As I'm driving home today, I get a text from my friend Rey (who has given me permission to use her story in this blog) saying she almost got in a fight at a red light. I'm thinking hmmm...so I asked, "What happened?" Apparently, the car in front of her had to screech to a stop (dumb ass probably didn't notice the light was red-probably was on a damn cell phone too), so she had to come to a sudden stop...consequently, the Chevy Cobalt behind her (Standard SUV) had to come to a stop. Chevy wasn't too happy, so what did she do? She jumped out of her car and came up to Rey's car and said, "Get out of the car, I'm gonna kick your ass!" And Rey is so sweet and kind, and usually very non-confrontational.............SHE GOT OUT! And was basically like..."Bitch WHAT!" I can just picture it! The man in the car next to Rey had to break them up, because it was ON!!! The girl even threatened to ram Rey's car (as if any of us have ever witnessed a house fly getting into a fight with a Rottweiler and actually winning?)! I wonder at which point did the light change? I DIGRESS...
So please...Share your stories, no matter how bizarre. How many of us have it?!
15 comments:
#1 makes me think of an episode of Cops. I am a definate road rager.
Once my brother and I got chased down in a Walmart parking lot for taking someone's parking spot. Actually, the woman was going to pull through the spot we were parking in. I had a horrible eye infection and was sick. The woman got out of the car and before she opened her mouth I was in her face. "Bitch I'll go all sorts of crazy on your ass. You don't look like this and be SANE" In the background I hear my little brother go "Yea!". It was a bonding experience.
Susan~OMG, that is tooo funny! I bet the look on her face was priceless! And hey, who can complain about a good bonding experience? LOL!
P.S. LMAO @ "...all sorts of crazy on your ass." That is hilarious!
On Desperate Housewives this week, a man took Susan's parking space. As he got out of the car, she tripped him took his keys and was getting ready to move his car!!! He came up to the door (of his own car) and she trapped his head in the window!! OMG - too hilarious. I feel Susan's pain today!!
BTW-the lady tried to follow me home!
It's about 2:30am and Jay and I are in line at the Taco Bell drive through waitng to cure my post drinking munchies. A group of teenage boys pulls up and cut us off to get in front of our car (as they laugh uncontrollably). Jay, being the hot head he can be, jumps out of the car, pops the trunk and gets a wrench out and proceeds to the driver's side of the car full of young men. He's yelling obsenities about them cutting us off because we were CLEARLY there first and now he's going to beat the F**K out of them and someone better get their ass out of the car...NOW! The kids wouldn't even crack the window a half inch as they give their apologies, they were scared to death of the crazy black man with the long hair. I just sat back, watched, laughed and hoped that Sheffield's finest wouldn't turn up out of nowhere.
Nina~OMG...you have never told me that story! LOL! Tell Jay I will never look at him the same again!
I once pulled up to an intersection where myself and the car in front of me were on the through street and had no stop sign. The car in front of me decided to stop at the intersection which confused me and the people that were at the stop sign for the lesser street. I honked my horn at him and this set him off.
He pulled off to the side then followed me to the next interesection where I was stopped at a light. He jumped out of his car and ran up to my window yelling. Since I had just stopped my hand had gone towards the passenger seat to keep my things from falling off. Well the guy must have thought I had a gun, because he saw my hand headed for my pile of stuff and he backed off and practically ran for his car.
Dagromm~Hahahahaha! THAT IS CLASSIC! Way to go making the crazy person think you're armed and dangerous! I love it!
I have my own special 'crazy look' about me. When I'm sick, my hair tends to frizz out, I wear my glasses instead of contacts and there's always something wrong with my nose. Trust me, she looked at me like I'd just come down from the hills. I know the look well because it's normally how I look at 50% of the people I see 'round here at Walmart.
..who am I kidding..98.7%.
Tera, I don't have any road rage stories, but as an English teacher, I just want to compliment you on the stellar and wonderful phrase "felonious thoughts." I am blown away by the creativity of it. I completely enjoyed reading that twist of language and want to use it in my class as an example.
May I?
Nance~Why thank you! I am honored...OF COURSE you may use it in your class! :)
Anali~I am NOW a true believer!!! :)
roads were I live (puerto rico) are barely wide enough for one car driving one way but they are all 2 way roads, and traffic rules are well, not rules, just suggestions, I fear for my life every time I am on the road. I think I need a 12 step program for my road rage.
Eslocura~My my, what a brave person you are to even attempt driving on roads like that! I think it would put me OVER the top!!!
I am a quiet rager. Except for the time this woman sped through the merge lane as I was merging into it and almost hit me and my kids as she was going at least 20 over the limit. I yelled the F word in anger and disbelief and had to pay the kids each a dollar not to tell any of the grandparents.
Fringe~That is classic! They will forever remember that and will now watch every word you say VERY closely!
Hmm....is "quiet rager" and oxymoron?
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