Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Road Rage At Its Finest
I could hardly wait until I had a moment to sit down and blog about this one...we all know about it, we all see it, and there is a select few of us who have it...ROAD RAGE!!! I think I am guilty as charged! I pass people in haste. I can't stand these bastards that don't use turn signals. I am growing more and more impatient with the cell phone users who think that being on the phone is CLEARLY an excuse for going 25 miles less than the speed limit. I can't stand people who don't know how to drive in the elements...I mean for crying out loud, I can COUNT the snow flakes on the ground!!! I also have felonious thoughts about people who tail-gate me, cut me off, and for some strange reason, in my city, people think they can just walk in front of my car which is clearly going more than 55 mph. as if I had decided at that very moment to test my brakes!
I find myself yelling obscenities that I obviously made up in my mind, because they don't really connect or give an example of a coherent thought. And also as I shout out these things like FU**A$$, and DOUCHE BAG (of COURSE trying to control that when the children are in the car) and look in the rear view mirror, I feel an ounce of shame for a millisecond as the boys are chuckling and looking at me as if I had just come down with a bad case of Tourettes.
So all of you out there in Blog Land...I ask of thee...who is guilty??? I decided that the best way to do this is to list the TOP 3 incidents I have either witnessed, been a part of, or have heard about...perhaps one or two of you can relate!
I am on the way to the store riding in the car with my son's grandmother who had clearly had a bad day. The woman behind us was tailgating. B was getting furious, so she decided she'd tick this woman off further and drive slower. I know that B can have a temper, so I observe and say nothing. Finally, the road splits to 2 lanes...The woman passes B and flips her the finger. And among the 100 curse words, I think I heard a fuck or 2 and a random "bitch!" B FOLLOWED HER!!! As the lady pulled into the parking lot and looked as if (what appeared to me) she might have shit her pants, she just sat in the car...not B! She got out and went over to the car like, "I got yo BITCH!!!" She wouldn't get out of the car...I wouldn't stop laughing.
I was driving along my merry way at the grocery store, and ever since I learned how to drive, I think that crosswalks are appropriately marked with a sign that reads "Pedestrians Crossing" and there are white parallel lines on the ground indicating the area where they are to cross right? So am I wrong if I proceed to drive and listen to my music and not yield if I am NOT in that area? Well I did, and all of a sudden, a loud bump, bump, bump and the sound of my hood caving in caught my attention...my friend and I were almost afraid to look...I opened my eyes...there on my hood, pointing his finger and yelling obscenities at ME, there he was...a damn pedestrian. I politely asked him to get his stupid ass off my car (as if he didn't see that bright, gold Plymouth Breeze coming down the road) and once he did, I proceeded as normal.
Number 1 (and this takes the cake...it happens to have occurred TODAY!)
As I'm driving home today, I get a text from my friend Rey (who has given me permission to use her story in this blog) saying she almost got in a fight at a red light. I'm thinking hmmm...so I asked, "What happened?" Apparently, the car in front of her had to screech to a stop (dumb ass probably didn't notice the light was red-probably was on a damn cell phone too), so she had to come to a sudden stop...consequently, the Chevy Cobalt behind her (Standard SUV) had to come to a stop. Chevy wasn't too happy, so what did she do? She jumped out of her car and came up to Rey's car and said, "Get out of the car, I'm gonna kick your ass!" And Rey is so sweet and kind, and usually very non-confrontational.............SHE GOT OUT! And was basically like..."Bitch WHAT!" I can just picture it! The man in the car next to Rey had to break them up, because it was ON!!! The girl even threatened to ram Rey's car (as if any of us have ever witnessed a house fly getting into a fight with a Rottweiler and actually winning?)! I wonder at which point did the light change? I DIGRESS...
So please...Share your stories, no matter how bizarre. How many of us have it?!