Anna Mae Shoulda Ate That Damned Cake!

Well, I know you're tired of me apologizing for not blogging and/commenting on your blogs on a regular basis, but aside from the fact that my (home) computer is STILL not working, repercussions from Hurricane Ike still plague the city that I live in.

As of yesterday, 70% of our city was still without power (some are estimated to be down for up to 2 weeks) and children are out of school for the entire week! I was among the blessed few who only had to endure the day without cable on Sunday, so my power at home actually works---of course we have been lending a helping hand to those who were less fortunate in this situation. People in the community have had to throw out oodles and oodles of GOOD food because they can't refrigerate or freeze it, grocery stores and restaurants are closed (and out of ice and dry ice) in many places throughout the city, and 4 or 5 hospitals are operating on generators! I know our problems are just a drop in the bucket compared to folks in Texas and other parts of the south, but this is depressing!

So instead of spreading my crappy attitude all over Blogland, I decided to lay low.

That Ike is one BAD s.o.b. isn't he?

Hodge Podge IX

Today is one of those days I'm feeling kind of BLAH with a whole fuckton (of COURSE I had to use it and back off Crotch-dudes the ladies have that patented) of emotions inside. I guess I might as well start at the top.

I'm thinking I might blog about this more in depth at a later date when I can handle it better, but a "friend" that I knew in high school apparently rolled over on her 2 month old and smothered him. I think back to when my boys were babies, and BOTH of them slept with me the entire first year of their lives---I was a lazy breast-feeder, don't judge me. No matter how hard I slept, I don't imagine I could have rolled over on them...as a mother, it is just NOT conceivable! They're going to do an autopsy to see if they can rule out SIDS, but they are also trying to determine if they will bring up criminal charges against her. FYI---She tried to commit suicide days later.

Nance had a post up the other day about crying. That seems to be the sport of choice in my life lately, and I'm surprised I'm not dehydrated as much of it as I've been doing. I don't know why I feel so overwhelmed by feelings of failure lately, but I do.

My stupid ass computer crashed last night...it won't power on. It's still under warranty, but I have to lug the fucker in! So I need to apologize in advance to folks like Churlita whose blog I can only view at home...bear with me while I get the beast attended to (I know I ended a sentence with a preposition, but so what? Fuck off!).

Until the other day, I had not seen 1 single McCain bumper sticker. I have seen a crap-load of Obama stickers, but now the McCain tally is 2. I thought that to be amazing considering the fact that I live in the 'Burbs and thought for sure there would be more supporters for the McCain ticket...or should I say the Palin ticket? I'm going to leave that one alone...

I don't know how many of you (other than Alan and Torrance) noticed that someone named "Anonymous" commented their "2 cents" at the end of my IRS post. If you have the chance to go and take a look at it, please do...that Bitch-made, Coward induced a terrible ass ache that day and I wasn't on it!

I learned the other day that I could potentially work here another 5+ years without a single raise other than cost of living (the last COL raise was 2%). Guess who won't still be working here in 2013?

I'm getting antsy. I know I mentioned the possibility of a relocation in passing here recently, but the more I think about it, the more appealing the idea becomes. I'm also thinking that this time, I won't leave a forwarding address---is that wrong?

I'm starting to see a steady increase in the number of people picking their noses while driving.

Someone forgot to tell a couple of close acquaintances back home that crack kills.

I'm thinking I might go out Saturday night and get shit-faced...beer does a body good! ESPECIALLY Bud Light Lime...I just love that shit!

Oh yeah, I am back to my vow of celibacy...I have 1 solid month under my belt thus far.

Anyways...comment away!

To Spank or Not To Spank...That Is The Question

Okay, I am faced with a terrible dilemma. I mentioned to you a couple of posts ago that D has already gotten in trouble several times in school so far this year. What agitates me the most about this is that although he had a sprinkle or two of behavioral problems last year, he kept his grades up...this year, he's decided he would fuck up in both areas (pardon my French).

So Friday, as I'm rushing home from work, my phone is ringing...this is becoming a ritual. I guess W and D are so popular, their friends must compete for their weekend company. I didn't mind this day in particular, because I wanted to go and have all you can eat crab legs with my friend. So hastily I packed their bags to get them on their way.

Saturday, a friend of mine invited me and my boys to come to a company picnic...lots of food to be eaten and lots of fun to be had. So we went and had a great time! People also came to the house afterwards, so the kids enjoyed video games and also were outside until the absolute last possible moment of the evening.

Sunday, D had a Boy Scouts outing at an indoor attraction venue in the neighborhood...we're talking Euro Bungee, obstacle course, inflatables, bumper cars, Wii Lounge, bowling, and arcade...I mean this place is the SHIT! He and W had a frickin' BLAST!

So, Sunday evening, as we're winding down, I tell the boys to prepare for the school week, you know, minor details, like homework, showers, getting their clothes ready, and letting me sign their daily planners...what in the HELL did I do that for?

I opened D's planner, and to my surprise, there is a LONG ass note in there from his teacher basically letting me know that he was missing an assignment and had acted a FUCKING DONKEY in class on Friday! Oh, Hell. No.

So I asked him WTF...? Do you guys want to know what he said to me? He said, "Well, I thought she called you Friday?" Ahem...let me run that by you again...he said, "Well, I thought she called you Friday?" As reflex has it, I slapped what they call the SHIT out of him, but realized as I felt steam shooting from my ears and veins bursting in my eyes that if I whipped him at that moment, I might have hurt him, so I made him remove himself from my presence and I sat back to cool down...and to ponder...

Now I open the floor to you...what do you suggest I do? If that had been ME when I was younger, I don't give a damn if it was a Hot wheel track, a self-picked switch off the tree, a piece of furniture, a shoe, or any other random object in her reach, my Momma was gone FUCK ME UP! She would (as they say) tear my ass out of the socket! But of course now days, it's taboo to do such and governments think they have a say-so in YOUR household where YOU pay the bills and where YOU have endured teens of hours of labor and gave birth to YOUR children...I digress.

I am going to contemplate this a bit longer, but in the meantime all he's allowed to do is pretty much eat, sleep, shit and breathe...I suggest you guys help him out!

In the Name of Shit

Since I happen to be among many who love the word "fuck," I realized I shouldn't be selfish and have decided to pay homage to the word "shit" today. You may have seen this before but...well you can pretty much fill in the blank after you've read this post!

***Disclaimer...words and ellipses may have been added/omitted, bolded, capitalized and otherwise punctualized to add to/lessen the effect of various parts of this message...you know, just in case you give a shit.***

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD...Well, it's shit...that's right, SHIT!

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit,
...forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is...bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or...duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in...well...shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and...there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language!

And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!

You could comment, if you give a shit or if you don't give a shit!

Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head...........Well, Shit Happens!!!

The Life and Times of W & D Part II (I Think)

Well it's been a rough patch in this epoch of my life, and I just can't seem to pull it together. I have however decided to muster just enough strength to post something else and perhaps read up on a few of your blogs...don't get mad if I don't get to them all, I beg your forgiveness in advance.

As you all know, the boys are back to school...they are in 6th grade (middle school) and 4th grade this year. My 4th grader is having a hard time grasping the concept of the fact that summer break is over and it's time to get down to business! He has already gotten in trouble 3 times and hasn't even completed a full 3 weeks. He also has this teacher who I was about to ROLL DOWN on when W had her 2 years ago and she's already starting SHIT! I just hope I don't have to go up there and go 360 degrees of ig-nit on their asses!

W's interest in girls is increasing at a very rapid pace. He's doing okay with his school work which I watch with a very close eye and pick through with a fine-tooth comb...but his hormones are amok! I found a little letter to "Joy" a short while back that went a little something like this:

"Joy, I love you. I realize there may be another boy, but you are fine and I want you to be my Boo. Will you go out with me? Circle one Yes No"

Like, what...the...FUCK?!

In other news...I was exiting the expressway on my way home a short while back, and there was a homeless man standing there with the infamous "Will work for food sign" but he also had it translated in Spanish??? I was quite amused.

In comments: What have I been missing while these fucking fuckers at work are getting on my last damned nerve, I'm depressed, and debating another relocation?!

Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut...

I scurried about placing each candle in the perfect place. The scent of cinnamon and warm vanilla cake filled the air. I dusted the bed with brown sugar & fig linen spray...just enough...and lit a candle in the bedroom of a synonymous scent. I had just bathed in a sudsy milk and honey bath, and lathered my body with Oil of O'lay and lavender baby oil gel. I purposely wore my black lace boy shorts/thong and my black bra that makes the girls stand at attention and plump just perfectly at my bust line--the perfect fuller figured physique under my denim crop pants and slightly revealing long baby tee. I put on my favorite gloss...Creme Brulee, and tied my hair up in loose curls...I was ready.

The doorbell rang.

As I opened it and he stood there in all of his 6'1" glory, blood began to rush and revive parts of my body that had now been asleep for about 6 months. He smelled of an exotic unnamed African oil and a mild bath soap. His sun-kissed complexion enticed me enough to let out a silent moan and his eyes looked like dancing stars...he stepped in, embraced me and gave me a gentle kiss on the neck.

We eased toward the bedroom as we engaged in small chatter and flirtatious grins. I rubbed up against him enough to feel his girth and lay my head on his chest as we danced to the tune that seemed to be the same in both our minds. He stroked my arms, my back, and then my breasts as he donned my body with kiss after kiss. My knees began to get weak, so I sat down on the bed slowly and lied back so that he could have his way with me.

He softly licked some spots and gently kissed others as I eased his shirt off and began massaging his warm skin in a circular motion. He moaned a little and closed his eyes as I unzipped his pants and began to stroke his manhood. He licked the circumference of my belly button and pecked a half dozed kisses until he reached my womanhood. It was magical...a sprinkle of kisses here, a lick or two there, and a soft nibble everywhere.

I was at the peak of what was about to be euphoria when I softly but aggressively pushed him to his back and let my plump sweet lips work their magic. First his full, pink lips to taste the sweetness of his minty breath, then around his perfectly shaven goatee...on his neck...his chest...his stomach...and of course a teasing little sample to his shaft...his body trembled.

Time to mount.

I moved my hips in from side to side...back and forth...up and down. He tilted his head back and then softly gripped my breasts. I twirked it and popped it as if the art was taught in a class and I graduated Suma Cum Laude. He couldn't control himself, nor could I...but it was not time...not yet...so I slowed my rhythm and lay on his chest...we rolled in sync.

Long stroke, deep stroke...hitting spots that I didn't know that I possessed in my temple. Almost too much for me to handle, but by now my body was conforming to all that he had to offer. I felt pain...good pain...pleasurable pain...I moaned...he exhaled. I dug my nails in his back...he lay on my chest and kissed my neck. I wrapped my long, thick, brown sugar legs around his body...we were in motion.

My adrenaline rushed...his stride increased. That icy-hot feeling began to rush through my veins. My heart ran a marathon. My eyes rolled to the back of my head. I pursed my bottom lip and gripped the corner with my teeth. My thighs trembled. My toes curled. My back arched. The sweet melody that I belted filled the air. The nectar of my fruit was sufficient to quench the thirst of a thousand villages. As my walls vibrated...it cut loose and irrigated every trench and every valley. He felt...he came...he saw...Pure delight.

My fellow Bloggers, I would like to introduce you to...Wal-Mart Guy.

Almost But Not Quite...

Hello to all of my fellow Bloggers. I have crawled from under my rock long enough to let you know that I am still living and breathing (although lately, not by choice). Among the chaos in my life, the kids getting ready to go to school next week, a plethora of family issues, and emotional turmoil, I decided that I have to muster up the energy to AT LEAST say hello to you all. Hopefully soon, I will also have the energy enough to read and comment on your latest posts (only 1, maybe 2 for those of you are OCD about posting eleventy billion times per day...I love you NoR!:-) and even post something worth reading at P&P.

Back off to my rock...for now...