Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Take A Whiff!

Well friends...it seems that just when you think that all is lost, and you have absolutely NOTHING to blog about, it hits you (pun intended). I would like to share with you today my story about this little phenomenon called..........BODY ODOR.

Occasionally, I sit at my desk and work my ass off (yes NoR, I do other things-my ass off than laughing :) until 5:00 creeps up on me. Then there are other days where my level of productivity plummets to zero by 10:00 a.m., and I do "other" things, you know, like check my pages out there in Internet land, talk on the phone with my friends back home, chat on-line, and oh yes, blog. Well this day in particular, I began to doze off for reasons unknown---I'm sure that it totally had nothing to do with the fact that the Pinot Grigio was extra spectacular the night before and I couldn't stop drinking it until it was gone! But I digress. I felt like it would be awful for my boss to walk by during a deep slumber, so I decided to take a walk...you know, catch some air...

As I am walking around to the elevator, the "Temp" is approaching me...she's all smiles, and so am I until it is turned upside down and I begin dry heaving hysterically! She smelled like a cross between...or should I say among (for those of you nerds out there who will notice that this list consists of more than 2 things) dirty hair; moldy clothes; ass crack; and old hot dog water. It was utterly disgusting! Especially for a middle aged woman who had done nothing but sat behind her desk all morning!

Now I gave her the benefit of the doubt...it was only her second day...perhaps she perspires profusely or doesn't hold cleanliness on high as many of us do. Lo and behold, the next day, she walked down the hall near my office and not only did she emit a whiff-o-funk, but it lingered...and lingered.

Now I ask you...what would YOU do/say? Such a terrible thing this is...I mean I haven't smelled her lately, then again, I'm not sure that I've been within 10 feet (radius) of her in the past few days either. But isn't it our civic duty to do something when people...offend?

26 comments:

M. Robert Turnage said...

All that is coming to mind is horrible, HORRIBLE things to say.

"You know, when The Boss says he wants to mark you as part of his territory, you have the right to say no."

or

"Man, curry gives me such gas, but I don't have to tell you about that, do I?"

or

"You mean they don't douse the Temp with Lysol at other places? I thought it was common practice."

Tera said...

MrT~I KNEW I could count on you! LMAO!

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

nooooooooooooo dont ever work the ass of we men need them, and what did u mean on my blog re comment

NoRegrets said...

It's up to her supervisor... I wouldn't get in the middle of it...
But you could carry a bottle of spray air freshener around and spray it when she's near. Maybe she'd notice?

Ugh...old hot dog water...in a crack...

Tha BossMack TopSoil said...

LMBATFO!!!! Real talk, I think B.O> tells you about a persons MIND STATE.

Susan said...

Ass crack. That made me laugh loudly at my desk.

We had a problem at another job I had with a person like that...we did a "secret pal" program where you drew a name and bought them something. We'd always buy this said person really nice hygene sort of stuff...that way they feel obligated to use it. Sure, it was more like the smell of ass blanketed by vanilla but I guess it's better.

Tera said...

Torrance~Trust me, I have MORE than enough to laugh AND work off!!! I will make haste to your place to see which comment you're referring to.

NoR~You DO have a way with words!

Bossmiggity~Welcome!!! LMBATFO...fucking. Love. It.

Susan~That cracks me the hell up!!! Nothing is worse than bad odor but MASKED bad odor!!!!

Churlita said...

I would say something to the supervisor and let them handle it. that way you don't have to be the bad person and hopefully the smell still goes away.

Tera said...

Churlita~Yeah that's good advice, but my question would be...doesn't HE smell it??? I mean shit, he's right back there with her!!! So I wonder if he would say anything at all?!

Kofi said...

A coworker ratted out an offender once by standing in the middle of our floor and asking, in a loud voice, "WHAT SMELLS LIKE DOG SHIT?"

Of course, your company policy my differ from ours.

Tera said...

Kofi~At least he/she didn't as "Who" smelled like dog shit...love it!

Alan said...

Oh HELL no.

What should you say? Say the same thing that war is good for.

Absolutely nothing. (Say it again, now...)

Just stay as far away from her as you have been. Someone else will take the task in hand. Either someone who gets paid for it, or someone with much less tact and grace than you have, m'dear.

And the fact that she'd been sitting down all day should tell you WHY there was asscrackery. Mami don't wipe right. That booty was marinating in her chair, no doubt a nice cushioned affair just right for warming the petrie dish and helping the e coli multiply for hours.

Speaking of soiled undies, you owe me a cleaning bill for how hard I've been laughing through this post.

NoRegrets said...

Oh crap! Alan - you are funny.

and vanilla scented ass crack...

did you know I climb cracks? Oh wait... I have a post about that... gotta go find it. it might have been in a previous blog (I existed before but not for long)

The Love Collective said...

Body odor ... (deep inhalation) GOTTA LOVE IT!

Tera said...

Alan~LOL! You crack me up! I'm glad I made you chuckle :) And thank you for your compliments my friend.

Asscrackery...talk about laughing my ass off!!!! Alan you may have just made my day!

NoR~Isn't he a riot though!

You had better be glad that I know you're out there climbing those damned rocks sometimes and didn't read your comments without being aware..."climing cracks" is not a good visual...and vanilla scented ass crack is not a good smellual.

Love~WELCOME to P&P!!! I don't know about the deep inhalation part in this instance, but uh...yeah, at least it gave me something to talk about :)

Tera said...

Alan~Damn you! Now all I can think of is how Jackie Chan murdered that song before his lesson from Chris Tucker in Rush Hour!

Nance said...

I get this once in a while from kids in my classroom. Lucky for me, I can pawn it off on the school nurse; it's her job to chat the poor misguided individual up re: hygiene. I'm with the other commenter who said that if you can steer clear and say nothing, do so until someone directly involved with this person has to step in. No wonder she's a TEMP. You'd think she'd have figured it out by now. Yikes.

Belle - A Beauty livin with her Beast said...

is this HR's job? I mean if i had to work with someone like that I would be finding a way to get the issue fixed....I have to say that we work with some pretty clean people....(and just the thought of the smell of old hot dog water made me gag)

Tera said...

Nance~Wow, I bet as a teacher, you get it a lot more than I do...I didn't even think about that and totally shouldn't be complaining!

Belle~You are among the lucky ones...sorry for making you gag, but that means I definitely got my point across!

Dagromm said...

It's your duty to tell her something. I would recommend typing a very direct and honest e-mail that outlines that this is a very real problem that it would be in her best interest to deal with. People don't like to hear this sort of thing, but I know that if we are all honest with ourselves we would prefer to find out rather than suffer the barbs of others behind our backs. The most important part of this course of action is to, of course, use someone else's e-mail. Probably when they've stepped away from their desk without locking their computer. It would also probably be a good idea to use someone's that you don't like. Maybe your boss' computer. If things work out you could get a promotion and a fresh smelling temp out of the deal.

Belle - A Beauty livin with her Beast said...

must check out my blog....i left you something ;)

NoRegrets said...

Can you do something about the urine smell in the entranceway to our building?

Tera said...

Dagromm~Welcome to P&P!! Wait...I know you don't I...oh, okay, that was a great idea...in fact the way it flowed reminded me that I DO remember you! ;-)

Belle~You are the most awesomest! Thank you :)

NoR~Might I suggest you ask Dagromm? His ideas are a lot better than mine.

Thanks by the way, I just came from lunch and really didn't like that smellual!

Dagromm said...

Nore - You can tell Gyuss to stop coming by and marking his territory. There is a reason he's called Gus Bladder you know.

NoRegrets said...

Noted, thank you!

This post is so old it's decomposing....

Cyber D said...

dangerous ground that is... be wary.