I thought for about 3 seconds about doing away with my blog...then the feeling left me. What on earth would I do without the sound minds and support of my blog friends? You see the problem is that I hit this slump a couple of months ago, and I am having a hard time trying to pull myself out of it. Needless to say, I didn't want to bore you guys with the specifics. And the worst part is...I think I am the only one who can pull myself out of this one...with the help of...well... we'll get to that in a minute.
W brought home his report card...Straight A's (4.0) and he's in Advanced Program! That is the most wonderful thing a mother can ask for and I only hope that he can continue on this path. We are still working through issues with D...his interim showed fantastic grades (98% in 2 of his classes! and nothing less than an 80% on the entire report), but I'm afraid he "needs improvement" in social behavior and work habits.
Both the boys had parties to attend this weekend, and it was at this moment in particular I realized that I really have no life! I mean why does my 11 and (now) 9 year-old have more spice in their lives than I do mine? What the heck (I am trying very hard to refrain from using the f-word so much...we shall see how long this lasts)?
I have a goal this week...to go one full day without engaging in political conversations. So for those of you who talk about these things in your blogs, do not feel bad if I don't comment on that day which is yet to be determined. Hmmm...I guess I haven't commented on blogs much lately anyways, and wait...why in the hell isn't NoR and MrT wondering where I am? I can't say that I appreciate this! You wait until I get to their spots!
OK...here we go. I usually do not go into religion and spirituality on my blog, because, well it's sometimes as controversial as other topics that people often times avoid when they're really aiming at leisurely time. Those of you who have been faithful readers and/are also friends know by now that I am a Christian. I was raised in a Baptist church...and the church that I go to now (when I go) is Baptist, so for all intensive purposes, I guess you can mesh those 2 together.
Anyways...a couple of weeks ago, I had a very DEEP conversation with a close friend of mine, and I shared some things with her about my life's current condition which I don't think I would EVER share with anyone else, and through my hysterics and endless tears, she said something to me that didn't make so much sense until today. She told me I was "broken..." and she proceeded to tell me that meant that I had pretty much hit a "bottom," and before our call was abruptly disconnected, all that came to my mind was..."Seek ye first the kingdom of God..."
Since that day all the way up until this past Friday, I received several signs telling me what I needed to do. And no matter how sublime, it was a swift kick in my shin telling me that I knew what I needed to do, so why was I so hesitant? Why was I putting it off? As we all do, I got in my selfish ways and said, "Why me? Why now?" There are many folks out there who are living lives that are less than holy, and not that I'm judging, but why am I being nudged in the shoulder so much lately? The answer came to me on Friday.
I was grabbing lunch with a co-worker at a soul food spot...you know really ready to get down on some catfish, collard greens, macaroni and cheese and corn bread when a gentleman standing there handed me a piece of paper-a personal testimonial of a man. It does not even matter the words on the paper, but all I could do is look at my co-worker and utter the words... "God moves in mysterious ways."
It was at that moment that everything had come 340 degrees for me, and I knew the other 20 would happen in church this morning...and it did. When the speaker said, "Sometimes we must be completely broken before we seek Him and change the path in which we walk in life..." I wept. And I wept....and I WEPT.
Again, I'm not trying to be "preachy" today, this is merely an attempt to share what I've been experiencing. It's apparent and obvious that it is time for some changes in my life and that I must prepare myself for a transformation. And it is with His help that I will get out of this slump.
I have to do some housekeeping...how on earth can I have room for any blessings which have been prepared and are ready for me if I don't first let go...and let GOD?
I may not get many comments on this, but you know, my heart is heavy. It is time for me to stop ignoring that which has been clear to me for a while now...I'm not sure where I go from here, but I know there are things that I need to do.
Rome wasn't built in a day, so all I ask as I go through what I'm going through is that you not judge me...stay tuned.
Those of you who cared enough to read to this point, comment away...please also include any exciting happenings from your weekend!