Sunday, October 12, 2008

Hodge Podge X

I thought for about 3 seconds about doing away with my blog...then the feeling left me. What on earth would I do without the sound minds and support of my blog friends? You see the problem is that I hit this slump a couple of months ago, and I am having a hard time trying to pull myself out of it. Needless to say, I didn't want to bore you guys with the specifics. And the worst part is...I think I am the only one who can pull myself out of this one...with the help of...well... we'll get to that in a minute.

W brought home his report card...Straight A's (4.0) and he's in Advanced Program! That is the most wonderful thing a mother can ask for and I only hope that he can continue on this path. We are still working through issues with D...his interim showed fantastic grades (98% in 2 of his classes! and nothing less than an 80% on the entire report), but I'm afraid he "needs improvement" in social behavior and work habits.

Both the boys had parties to attend this weekend, and it was at this moment in particular I realized that I really have no life! I mean why does my 11 and (now) 9 year-old have more spice in their lives than I do mine? What the heck (I am trying very hard to refrain from using the f-word so much...we shall see how long this lasts)?

I have a goal this go one full day without engaging in political conversations. So for those of you who talk about these things in your blogs, do not feel bad if I don't comment on that day which is yet to be determined. Hmmm...I guess I haven't commented on blogs much lately anyways, and wait...why in the hell isn't NoR and MrT wondering where I am? I can't say that I appreciate this! You wait until I get to their spots! we go. I usually do not go into religion and spirituality on my blog, because, well it's sometimes as controversial as other topics that people often times avoid when they're really aiming at leisurely time. Those of you who have been faithful readers and/are also friends know by now that I am a Christian. I was raised in a Baptist church...and the church that I go to now (when I go) is Baptist, so for all intensive purposes, I guess you can mesh those 2 together.

Anyways...a couple of weeks ago, I had a very DEEP conversation with a close friend of mine, and I shared some things with her about my life's current condition which I don't think I would EVER share with anyone else, and through my hysterics and endless tears, she said something to me that didn't make so much sense until today. She told me I was "broken..." and she proceeded to tell me that meant that I had pretty much hit a "bottom," and before our call was abruptly disconnected, all that came to my mind was..."Seek ye first the kingdom of God..."

Since that day all the way up until this past Friday, I received several signs telling me what I needed to do. And no matter how sublime, it was a swift kick in my shin telling me that I knew what I needed to do, so why was I so hesitant? Why was I putting it off? As we all do, I got in my selfish ways and said, "Why me? Why now?" There are many folks out there who are living lives that are less than holy, and not that I'm judging, but why am I being nudged in the shoulder so much lately? The answer came to me on Friday.

I was grabbing lunch with a co-worker at a soul food know really ready to get down on some catfish, collard greens, macaroni and cheese and corn bread when a gentleman standing there handed me a piece of paper-a personal testimonial of a man. It does not even matter the words on the paper, but all I could do is look at my co-worker and utter the words... "God moves in mysterious ways."

It was at that moment that everything had come 340 degrees for me, and I knew the other 20 would happen in church this morning...and it did. When the speaker said, "Sometimes we must be completely broken before we seek Him and change the path in which we walk in life..." I wept. And I wept....and I WEPT.

Again, I'm not trying to be "preachy" today, this is merely an attempt to share what I've been experiencing. It's apparent and obvious that it is time for some changes in my life and that I must prepare myself for a transformation. And it is with His help that I will get out of this slump.

I have to do some on earth can I have room for any blessings which have been prepared and are ready for me if I don't first let go...and let GOD?

I may not get many comments on this, but you know, my heart is heavy. It is time for me to stop ignoring that which has been clear to me for a while now...I'm not sure where I go from here, but I know there are things that I need to do.

Rome wasn't built in a day, so all I ask as I go through what I'm going through is that you not judge me...stay tuned.

Those of you who cared enough to read to this point, comment away...please also include any exciting happenings from your weekend!


Beautifully.Conjured.Up said...

1) Congrats on your son's 4.0!!!

2) I understand what you're talking about. In my short time, I've learned how at times God breaks us and brings us to a level where we don't have any place to go or seek but Him. You may not know where to go, but He will lead you in the right path.

3) Nothing exciting for me this weekend...went shopping for a new cell phone (boring).

M. Robert Turnage said...

I always wonder where you are and what you are up to. I just don't write it down and let everyone think I am a stalker.

I am glad you are doing well and I am happy to read your story the blog. I don't know if I shared this with you, but both my father and grandfather were ministers and I was raised in the church. I have come and gone from the church over the years, and know all too well about being broken.

As my grandfather would say, "Hangeth in there. Life ain'th easy."

Tera said...

BCU~Thanks! And girl you are absolutely right...I mean I am really at my wit's end, and what else is there to do? I tell you what I have never felt the range of emotions I have been feeling lately, and if it's all that MUST be God.

Cell phone shopping blagh!! LOL! It's always nice one we've chosen one though to have something new :)

MrT~LMAO! I should totally ALWAYS call upon you for words of have this little way of always making my heart feel lighter, and I appreciate that :)

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

all i am gonna say is make him wanna be a scientist pls

Tera said...

Torrance~I will do my best :)

T. Michelle Theus said...

I hear you, Tera.

I was at that breaking point this year, actually. One day a flyer was on my door about a church in my area. I've seen a million flyers for different churches but there was something about that flyer that made me put it on my fridge and plan to visit one day. Two years later, that flyer was still on my fridge and I still hadn't visited. LOL Everytime I opened my fridge I thought about it, though. Well this year I hit the bottom, girl. I knew I had to do something. I went to the church and girl it was like my SOUL opened up. That was 3 months ago I'm still excited because I've never felt anything like this at church. So I promise you, you are going to be so happy you listened to the signs pointing you in the right direction.

I hope your journey continues to make you stronger. Good luck and God bless :)

Churlita said...

I'm glad you found something that works for you. My mom was very religious and she found great comfort in it. I hope you keep healing and feeling better about everything. You're amazing and you deserve to be happy and mended.

Tera said...

T. Michelle~From sistah to sistah, your story alone is VERY uplifting...thanks girl!

Churlita~Awww, thanks...that is very much appreciated :)

Skoolboi Krush said...

Don't you just love it when you go to church and the message is just for you. Seems like you are on the right path to joy. Keep your head up.

Glad to hear that your boy is doing well in school. I went to a fall festival at my girlfriend's kids' school this weekend.

Tera said...

Skoolboi~Oh yes, yes I do!!! Isn't it just wonderful-these little people of ours? :)

heather said...

hey, here's to shit happening and losing touch for a bit while things move along at breakneck speed in otherland. cheers.

no worries on getting preachy. we all have our moments and some of my favorite childhood memeories center on the baptist church revivals in florida when my parents split up for the first time. mom went from complete agnostic to full-bore cult fanatic recruiter in a matter of weeks. what a roller coaster of a year we had there. we managed to go through 2 hurricaines durring that time as well.
so yeah, thanks to nor i'm singing this now. (
somehow it seems to fit. :)
smile, god's a freaky dude sometimes. just roll with it.

Alan said...

Well you KNOW I'm in favor of some God! Get drenched in that holy flow. And I don't want to hog your God time, but while you're getting reacquainted with Him whisper my name in his ear every now and again.

The awesome thing is that you sense a two-way desire from the Divine. Cherish that. It doesn't happen for everyone...

Tera said...

Heather~I'll drink to that!

Alan~I shall my friend :)

Nina said...

Tera we all need a wake up call once in a while and they happen in the most unexpected ways sometimes. I'm just glad that you wanted it enough to be able to receive it because often that is the hardest part, being open to the message...

NoRegrets said...

Sorry, I had a few things going on...

Tera said...

NoR~Don't let it happen again! LMAO!