The Music Made Me Do It

As we have all heard the tragic news of the massacre at Virginia Tech, I am sure there are many blogs to be written about the subject. I would like to first of all say that my heart goes out to all of the friends and families of the victims, and that they will be in my prayers.

I decided not to blog about the incident per se, because we have seen hours of coverage on the news and heard about it in great detail on the radio. I think my blog will speak to one very important question...Why?

Of course one of the first callers on the radio couldn't wait to chime in with what they thought the reason was..."Because we allow our children to listen to rap music and watch violence on TV..." Whenever I hear that, I always have to count to 10 and calm myself down before thinking of a response, and since it has been almost 2 hours since hearing it, I am ready...

I can't understand why the media wants to place the "blame" for children's actions on EVERYTHING under the sun...except the PARENTS! They swear that since a teenager heard the latest 50 Cent album or watched the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" on TV, that it MUST be the "reason" why they do things of that nature. I am sorry (and you all can argue this)...I DISAGREE! It all starts at home, and it amazes me that back in the day, my grandfather had a gun at home...I KNEW not to touch it (locked away or not). Similarly, if I got in a fight, I was taught the notion...you win some and you lose some, but you live to see another day. Well not in this day and age...children shoot and stab each other. ALSO, if I got an "F" on a test or lost a game...I sucked it up and figured I'd try harder next time. I didn't expect my mother to call the school, or SUE anybody because I may have failed.

We live in a society where parents condone the fact that their children cannot "accept" failure. They're ready to go and fight the parents of the child that beat them up...or to go curse out the teacher that issued a failing grade. They are also quick to yell, "Not my son..." or "My daughter is a good child and would NEVER do that..." Always quick to jump to their children's defense, thus, the children lose the lesson.

It was rumored that the gunman at Virginia Tech (Engineer Major) may have been upset about his grades...then some say a girlfriend breaking up with him (which doesn't jive with the story about him being a loner). I don't know which it may have been, if either reason at all, but the fact of the matter is...families and friends of 32 individuals are left to mourn the (senseless) loss of their loved ones. Students commented that he said nothing as he was shooting...nothing.

Society is so quick to point fingers and try to figure out the reason why, and I think often times, they come up with the wrong reason. It is time for parents to step up to the plate and start accepting responsibility for how they raise their children. I know I can't speak for anyone else, but I am ACTIVE in what goes on at school, similarly I am to see homework EVERY night. 90% of the time, we have discussion as we ALL sit at the dinner table for dinner (none of this sitting in front of the TV or my children eating separate from me). I talk to my children about understanding what goes on in "real life (politics, religion, sex, crime, drugs-especially upon their solicitation of understanding these things)," so that when they come across something less than favorable or "wrong," they know the difference. And regardless of what goes on at home and how hard parents try to "shelter" or protect their children, there is a big bad world out there, and I know it is my sworn duty to give 500% to make sure that my children not only realize their full potential as they grow and develop, but that I have instilled some good, sound CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS in their brains enough to know not to shoot up the damn school, and the severity of repercussions for doing so..."worldly" or not.

Before I get in more of a tizzy...your thoughts, please....

Sink or Swim

Who never saw the inside of an actual zoo until they turned 18? Who never left their home state until AFTER they turned 21? Who never had their own bedroom for more than 2 years? Who never got to enjoy those luxuries that other kids of the 80's did such as the latest fashions, leg warmers, jelly bracelets (other than what her friends decided to share with her), a cool lunch box (or a lunch box at all!), a Trapper Keeper, and Get In Shape Girl accessories (ALL of them)? Whose parent would never take them to Taco Bell (or really any OTHER fast food restaurant for that matter) so that they could get those delightful cinnamon crips (they have resorted to the cinnamon twists now which are not NEARLY as fun)? Who didn't get to go to the park unless it was some crappy family barbeque? Who RARELY got to go to the Lake (even though Lake Erie is awfully dirty)? Who doesn't even know how to swim?..............Who do you ask? Tera.

As I began to reflect upon the many childhood resentments I had/have, as usual, I had a mini epiphany. People laugh and joke all the time about the fact that "Black people don't swim." I could also complain all day long about those opportunities I wasn't afforded as a child...OR...I could do something about it! So what is my latest venture? SWIMMING!

On day one, and I got into the water, other than the mixed feelings of embarrassment and wondering if I was being ridiculous, I was trying to figure out...what the hell am I doing in this pool?! The instructors looked at me with my life belt and 3 red floaties (which was 4 more aiding devices then the rest of the class had) probably wondering why I would even bother! I was disgusted that everyone else in the class was moving about in the water...what the heck were they even doing there? I am determined though...I HAVE to do this...for me.

Day one was a rough one! I couldn't get the floating thing together, I held my breath even when my face was nowhere near the water, my body was ever so tense, and for some strange reason, my right foot wouldn't leave the bottom of the 3 ft. pool because of some strange fear that I might drown (even though I am almost six feet tall)! So I thought to myself as I was ever so nauseated, and my body hurt like hell for several days because of all the muscle tension...I quit!!!!

Am I a quitter? The morining of the next class, I lay in my bed thinking..."I'm not going, I can't do it, and I will never get it." But something told me to get up and get my butt to the Y!

I entered the pool bearing in mind I didn't want all those same ailments from last time, so all I grabbed was 1 floatie (no life belt!) and the little bar thingy they were using to teach us free style...and guess what? I immediately began my kick motion, floated with ease, made it across the pool (well at least up to the 5 ft marker that I dare not go past), and even did a couple of free style strokes! I have no idea where that courage came from, but I am sure glad I went!!!

So my question to you all is this...do you think I can make it? Do you have any suggestions for me? I HAVE to do this...for me.

Shopping Crisis!

Okay fellow bloggers...HUGE crisis!!! I really can't believe that I am about to share this with the rest of the world (of course, those close to me already know this)....I HATE TO SHOP!!!! I hate EVERYTHING about it! I don't know if it's because my Aunt R used to take me on those long 6-8 hour trips with her (in which she used to try EVERY frapping piece of clothing on) or if it's because I have grown to realize that it could be a better utilization of my time on something more important such as laying on the couch, or reading...okay, maybe not reading, but you get my point!

So, alas spring has sprung...not only do I need a few additional summer clothes, I might go "out" while out of town this weekend and have chosen not to (continue to) wear the same old things I always wear because I don't feel like shopping. And do you want to know the worst part? Vendors in America still haven't realized that ALL fuller-figured women don't like elastic pants, and that we might appreciate a shirt that doesn't have flowery or very unfortunate looking embroidered patterns. Perhaps someone should also break that news that just because people get bigger...doesn't mean that their arms shrink!!!!!!!!! Need I also remind Retail America that I would like to go to more than Payless to get my shoes because of their stinking size availability?!?!?! Do you guys see why this sucks?

So if there is a thread of kindness in all of you, please massage me with your motivating lines of encouragement before I begin yet another futile journey (I usually don't buy anything the first go-round). I am hoping and praying that for once, this can be a pleasurable venture!

Citizens Arrest!

Well, well, well fellow bloggers...I finally have calmed down enough to let you all know what ticked me off this morning!

As I am riding down the expressway on my merry way to work I am approaching my exit and gearing up for that tricky merge thing that happens when I get off...and lo and behold...I am cut off...BY A COP!!! Who then proceeds to turn and commence speeding down an adjacent street!!!

You know what really pi**es me off about this? Those bast**ds can't wait until they catch someone doing more that 25 in a residential...they can't wait until they catch you speeding on the expressway where the speed limit is a ridiculous 55 mph and everyone knows it should AT LEAST be 65 mph...they can't wait to be a thorn in the club-goers sides upon exiting the club...they can't wait to appear in traffic court to tell the judge how you didn't yield, or stop, or whatever...they can't wait to bother the homeless man who is quite intoxicated but minding his own business...oh no, they just can't wait!!! BUT...

They have no problems blocking streets with their cars facing opposite directions so they can have their conversations over coffee, doughnuts, and a cigarette...or turning on their lights and sirens as a false alarm and "permission" to run a red light...or how about those have a little "personal gain" from the latest drug bust...or driving their cruisers to conduct "personal business" like going to play their lottery numbers or paying their utility bills!!! Are we supposed ignore those that break the same laws that they are supposed to ensure that we abide by??? Should we condone this type of behavior?

Your thoughts....

Hodge Podge

Hello fellow bloggers! There is a nice array of things floating around in my head this morning, so I decided I touch on a few!!!

The Dentist

I received some very disturbing news yesterday...I have to have some very extensive work done on my teeth. I used to be a SOLDIER when it came to the dentist...bring it on, the drill, needles etc., but ever since a TERRIBLE experience about 4 years ago, I loathe going to the Dentist! The mere sight of the little pick they use to get between the teeth almost made me faint yesterday!!!

So I am trying desperately to muster up the motivation to go and have this work done...and I only have a few weeks to do so!!!

Monotony

This week, with the kids being gone for spring break, is the first time I realized the level of monotony that exists in my life!!! I mean for one day can I just get up and do NOTHING? Or can I eat breakfast for dinner? Or can I get a TAX FREE paycheck and actually have a few dollars left? Or can I not run into traffic on the way to work? Or can I have a day at work without a meeting? What is the likelihood of ANY of the aforementioned?

Hitting the Lottery

You know how you have those "What if..." moments in life? Well I had one this morning...What if I hit the lottery? It was kind of exciting to lay there thinking of which of my friends and family I would share my earnings with and how much they would get. I would also be a relief to avoid the inevitability of having to pay student loans in the after life!!!

People Poll-Racism

The People Poll this morning was about a radio comedian (I believe his name was Imos???) who made a less then favorable remark about a female team in the WNBA. He called the women "nappy-headed hoes (as a part of a "joke")," and it has infuriated many Black women that he would say something like that...he is also supposed to be fired as a result. Many callers said why would they fire him when Howard Stern and many other radio personalities make racial slurs all the time. The also said that doesn't necessarily mean that they're a RACIST. Then many said why is it okay for Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock to make racial slurs without consequence. THEN...many said, if we treat EACH OTHER like that every day and say those things to EACH OTHER, why would that gentleman not think it's okay for HIM to say it? And most importantly should he be losing his job for it? Why have we turned to this vicious cycle of "letting" those who do it just apologize and give them a "slap on the wrist?"

Please...share

The Plot Thickens...

Guess what I found out today as Part II to the "Office Romance" blog I posted a couple of days ago???

THE SECRETARY IS MARRIED!!!

Your thoughts...now????

Change

Change is a word that means many different things to people. People know that change can come quickly, slowly, it can be a process of several small changes before a big one, or a big one that implies several smaller ones. One of the hardest things for many to grasp though, is that change comes from within.

Let me ask your thoughts on that hopeless romantic who is desperately trying to "change" her philandering, drug-dealing boyfriend...or how about the man or woman who is desperately waiting and hoping for "change" in their alcoholic or drug addicted mate, oh, but rest assured, since it's purely recreational, and they "only" have a couple drinks every now and again, or they "only" smoke pot, it's not an addiction, so they will "change." Let me also ask you about the helpless young woman who thinks it's okay for her boyfriend to strike her because he doesn't do it "all the time," he's under a lot of pressure, and he will surely "change." Or better yet, what are your thoughts on that mother, sister, and/friend that often times solicits your advice but shuns any idea that is not synonymous with what they wanted to hear...ultimately affecting your relationship with them? Will they ever "change?"

Hmmm change...such an interesting concept which sometimes has a very deep connotative meaning. Who says that the people around you need to change? Perhaps it's you who needs to change? I also once heard if you can't change the people around you, then CHANGE the people around you...but even if you do that, will you try to change those new people?

Change comes from within...

To those in the world that will forever hope for change in someone who is a permanent (or sometimes not) fixture in their lives, take heed...You can't change people...period. There are a couple of things that you can do, which each are a mouthful, but seriously give them some thought.

1. ACCEPTANCE-If you really care about someone, you will strive for acceptance. We ALL know that sometimes that's a hard thing to do, but what made you the expert on how people "should" be? People typically have quirks and flaws, and honestly, you don't have to "deal" with anything you don't want to deal with. So, it is your decision to make...you can gripe and complain about that person until you're miserable and it ultimately affects their relationship, OR you can exert all of that negative energy into something more positive and assertive...ACCEPTANCE.

2. LET IT GO-This would be typical in a situation when that other person is doing something that may be potentially harmful or hazardous to you. You definitely would not want that...you have to give them their space and continue to pray that they'll change so as not to cause harm to themselves or others. No one says you can't love/care about them, you just have to do so...from afar.

And FINALLY...

3. CHANGE YOURSELF! YOU are the only one that YOU have the power to change...CHANGE COMES FROM WITHIN. A lot of us have difficulty recognizing the need for change. Many of us live in denial and refuse to accept the fact that we have certain character defects that can be mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining for not only ourselves, but others. Take proactive steps toward coming to terms with that, and sometimes our pride won't let us, but I IMPLORE you...swallow your pride, choke on it if you have to, it only gets better and better once you do. And do you want to know the most wonderful thing about it??? Once you begin the process of change, you might not think so, but those close to you will see it, and guess what their reactions to such will not only serve as your positive reinforcement for your courageous effort...it will motivate you adopt continuous CHANGE.

Your thoughts?