Wednesday, April 4, 2007


Change is a word that means many different things to people. People know that change can come quickly, slowly, it can be a process of several small changes before a big one, or a big one that implies several smaller ones. One of the hardest things for many to grasp though, is that change comes from within.

Let me ask your thoughts on that hopeless romantic who is desperately trying to "change" her philandering, drug-dealing boyfriend...or how about the man or woman who is desperately waiting and hoping for "change" in their alcoholic or drug addicted mate, oh, but rest assured, since it's purely recreational, and they "only" have a couple drinks every now and again, or they "only" smoke pot, it's not an addiction, so they will "change." Let me also ask you about the helpless young woman who thinks it's okay for her boyfriend to strike her because he doesn't do it "all the time," he's under a lot of pressure, and he will surely "change." Or better yet, what are your thoughts on that mother, sister, and/friend that often times solicits your advice but shuns any idea that is not synonymous with what they wanted to hear...ultimately affecting your relationship with them? Will they ever "change?"

Hmmm change...such an interesting concept which sometimes has a very deep connotative meaning. Who says that the people around you need to change? Perhaps it's you who needs to change? I also once heard if you can't change the people around you, then CHANGE the people around you...but even if you do that, will you try to change those new people?

Change comes from within...

To those in the world that will forever hope for change in someone who is a permanent (or sometimes not) fixture in their lives, take heed...You can't change people...period. There are a couple of things that you can do, which each are a mouthful, but seriously give them some thought.

1. ACCEPTANCE-If you really care about someone, you will strive for acceptance. We ALL know that sometimes that's a hard thing to do, but what made you the expert on how people "should" be? People typically have quirks and flaws, and honestly, you don't have to "deal" with anything you don't want to deal with. So, it is your decision to can gripe and complain about that person until you're miserable and it ultimately affects their relationship, OR you can exert all of that negative energy into something more positive and assertive...ACCEPTANCE.

2. LET IT GO-This would be typical in a situation when that other person is doing something that may be potentially harmful or hazardous to you. You definitely would not want have to give them their space and continue to pray that they'll change so as not to cause harm to themselves or others. No one says you can't love/care about them, you just have to do so...from afar.


3. CHANGE YOURSELF! YOU are the only one that YOU have the power to change...CHANGE COMES FROM WITHIN. A lot of us have difficulty recognizing the need for change. Many of us live in denial and refuse to accept the fact that we have certain character defects that can be mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining for not only ourselves, but others. Take proactive steps toward coming to terms with that, and sometimes our pride won't let us, but I IMPLORE you...swallow your pride, choke on it if you have to, it only gets better and better once you do. And do you want to know the most wonderful thing about it??? Once you begin the process of change, you might not think so, but those close to you will see it, and guess what their reactions to such will not only serve as your positive reinforcement for your courageous will motivate you adopt continuous CHANGE.

Your thoughts?


Nina said...

You can only control yourself and everything else will fall in line. Sometimes those things are good and sometimes those things are bad. Unless, of course, we're talking about our children. We can change them with a nice swift kick in the ass!

Tera said...

Amen to that Nina! I had a bout this morning with young man in particular who thinks he can stand in my face and lie to me!!! Shame on him because he will be getting that swift "kick..." and I have all day to formulate my plan of action!