Just A Few Little Known Facts

In the spirit of the fact that I'm sure you don't give a shit where I've been, I decided not to dump any crap on you in this post...Have fun reading!

Little Known Facts

About People
1. 40% of all people who come to a party in your home snoop in your medicine cabinet.
2. 72% of people in Mali earn less than $1 per day.
3. Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
4. 90% of women who walk into a department store immediately turn to the right.

About Laws/Government
1. By law, citizens of Vermont must take at least one bath a week.
2. It's illegal to put coins in your ears in Hawaii.
3. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
4. The U.S. Government spent about $2 million on potato research in 2003.
5. In Cleveland, Ohio, it is illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.
6. In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry ice cream in your back pocket.

About Animals & Insects
1. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
2. A snail can sleep for 3 years.
3. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
4. Turtles can breathe through their butts.
5. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
6. A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.
7. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
8. Reindeer like to eat bananas.
9. You are more likely to get attacked by a cow than a shark.
10. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

About Sex
1. Male and female rats may have sex twenty times a day.
2. The average shelf-life of a latex condom is about two years.
3. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than Valium.
4. Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of any mammal.
5. Human and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

About Stuff
1. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
2. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
3. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
4. Pearls melt in vinegar.
5. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atom bomb.
6. There is more lemon juice in Lemon Pledge furniture polish than in Country Time Lemonade.
7. The can opener was invented 48 years after the can.

In Comments: Are you a medicine cabinet culprit? Who's the idiot that set precedence on that law in Hawaii? Who was the first person to feed a banana to a reindeer? I'd like to know how anyone knows that about dolphins and humans...did they ask all other species and get an answer? Did they circulate a survey? Which geek knows what the hell that long word is and what it means...I'm sure one of you do?

Bonus question...What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?

Stupid People

I don't usually post things with a severe political hue, or engage in too many conversations about politics as of late, because it makes my ass hurt. I will however make this tiny little, small little, teeny-weeny little comment...okay maybe just 2 eentsy weentsy...or perhaps 3 itty bitty things observed after watching the debates tonight...

One...Katie Couric and some other dude not important enough for me to know or care about his name were interviewing a group of "undecided" folks right after the debate to see if anyone was "swayed" more toward one side or the other after hearing the arguments. Now, I listened to what everyone had to say, but it occurred to me that...we really have a lot of people out here that use...hmmm...how do I say this... "creative" criteria for deciding who they will vote for. I also have my reservations about the Black man who was on the front row, but for the sake of argument, I will keep that to myself...that is of course unless you want to e-mail me and engage in the conversation otherwise. Anyways...

(Two) It seems that over and over people kept saying..."Obama keeps talking about if we vote for McCain that we will endure 4 more years of the same policies that have plagued us for the last 8 years, but Democrats have been in Congress for the past 2 years, and no change has occurred." Now I have never claimed and professed to be an expert on politics, and have probably been more in tune this year than I ever have in my 12 years of voting. But something about that statement bothers me...Don't these IDIOTS know better than to make a statement like that? I mean seriously...do people in America think that it will take 2 years or less to fix the fucking MESS that Dubya (I got that from someone who comments on Nance's blog and I rather like it) made of this country?!?!? What frapping rock have they been living under? I don't care what party you're affiliated with, that is ignorance at its best and is totally absurd.

(Three) It pisses me off beyond pisstivity to see Republicans mis-speak time and time again, engage in malicious attacks, and not repudiate the blasphemist comments at their gatherings without consequence. But when Obama makes one "wrong" move, or gives the slightest notion that he will in any way attack Palin or any of the other jerks on that ticket, he is painted as if he is Lucifer in the flesh.

McCain kept asking for repudiation...why didn't he repudiate Palin's claim that Obama "pows (or is it 'pals--' I guess I can't decipher her thick foreign...oops, I mean Alaskan accent) around with terrorists?" Why does McCain think that it's okay to encourage Americans to condemn Obama for some bullshit that happened when he was 8 years old? Since when did affiliation with Ayers become a "qualification" to lose an election? And what's more sad is there are some stupid ass brainwashed Americans out there who buy that CRAP!

It is amazing and utterly astonishing...embarrassing even to see what this country has come to. Is there anyone out there who is proud to say that they're an American at this very moment? I think folks in other countries sit back and laugh hysterically about how disconnected this country is and how much of a joke this so called "democracy" is.

Now don't get me wrong, I am a fair person and can give credit where credit is due...yes, I would say that McCain did a lot better tonight that he has done...I do fear however that won't be enough for him in the final stretch of his race. But above all...if he can pull this off and pull it off marginally, how well will he sleep at night knowing that the crux of his fuckton of votes will NOT be cast because he had terrific economic policy, or a fantastic view on energy, or an unprecedented view on how the education system should work, but because there has, does, and always will be....STUPID FUCKING PEOPLE in existence.

Say what you may...

Hodge Podge X

I thought for about 3 seconds about doing away with my blog...then the feeling left me. What on earth would I do without the sound minds and support of my blog friends? You see the problem is that I hit this slump a couple of months ago, and I am having a hard time trying to pull myself out of it. Needless to say, I didn't want to bore you guys with the specifics. And the worst part is...I think I am the only one who can pull myself out of this one...with the help of...well... we'll get to that in a minute.

W brought home his report card...Straight A's (4.0) and he's in Advanced Program! That is the most wonderful thing a mother can ask for and I only hope that he can continue on this path. We are still working through issues with D...his interim showed fantastic grades (98% in 2 of his classes! and nothing less than an 80% on the entire report), but I'm afraid he "needs improvement" in social behavior and work habits.

Both the boys had parties to attend this weekend, and it was at this moment in particular I realized that I really have no life! I mean why does my 11 and (now) 9 year-old have more spice in their lives than I do mine? What the heck (I am trying very hard to refrain from using the f-word so much...we shall see how long this lasts)?

I have a goal this week...to go one full day without engaging in political conversations. So for those of you who talk about these things in your blogs, do not feel bad if I don't comment on that day which is yet to be determined. Hmmm...I guess I haven't commented on blogs much lately anyways, and wait...why in the hell isn't NoR and MrT wondering where I am? I can't say that I appreciate this! You wait until I get to their spots!

OK...here we go. I usually do not go into religion and spirituality on my blog, because, well it's sometimes as controversial as other topics that people often times avoid when they're really aiming at leisurely time. Those of you who have been faithful readers and/are also friends know by now that I am a Christian. I was raised in a Baptist church...and the church that I go to now (when I go) is Baptist, so for all intensive purposes, I guess you can mesh those 2 together.

Anyways...a couple of weeks ago, I had a very DEEP conversation with a close friend of mine, and I shared some things with her about my life's current condition which I don't think I would EVER share with anyone else, and through my hysterics and endless tears, she said something to me that didn't make so much sense until today. She told me I was "broken..." and she proceeded to tell me that meant that I had pretty much hit a "bottom," and before our call was abruptly disconnected, all that came to my mind was..."Seek ye first the kingdom of God..."

Since that day all the way up until this past Friday, I received several signs telling me what I needed to do. And no matter how sublime, it was a swift kick in my shin telling me that I knew what I needed to do, so why was I so hesitant? Why was I putting it off? As we all do, I got in my selfish ways and said, "Why me? Why now?" There are many folks out there who are living lives that are less than holy, and not that I'm judging, but why am I being nudged in the shoulder so much lately? The answer came to me on Friday.

I was grabbing lunch with a co-worker at a soul food spot...you know really ready to get down on some catfish, collard greens, macaroni and cheese and corn bread when a gentleman standing there handed me a piece of paper-a personal testimonial of a man. It does not even matter the words on the paper, but all I could do is look at my co-worker and utter the words... "God moves in mysterious ways."

It was at that moment that everything had come 340 degrees for me, and I knew the other 20 would happen in church this morning...and it did. When the speaker said, "Sometimes we must be completely broken before we seek Him and change the path in which we walk in life..." I wept. And I wept....and I WEPT.

Again, I'm not trying to be "preachy" today, this is merely an attempt to share what I've been experiencing. It's apparent and obvious that it is time for some changes in my life and that I must prepare myself for a transformation. And it is with His help that I will get out of this slump.

I have to do some housekeeping...how on earth can I have room for any blessings which have been prepared and are ready for me if I don't first let go...and let GOD?

I may not get many comments on this, but you know, my heart is heavy. It is time for me to stop ignoring that which has been clear to me for a while now...I'm not sure where I go from here, but I know there are things that I need to do.

Rome wasn't built in a day, so all I ask as I go through what I'm going through is that you not judge me...stay tuned.

Those of you who cared enough to read to this point, comment away...please also include any exciting happenings from your weekend!

To Tell The Truth...

Well Friends...I am not feeling any better these days, but decided that I can get those things off my chest which I am willing to share...here's one of them.

Shortly after I moved to Kentucky, I decided to drive back home for a visit. One of my friends decided to come along for the ride since I didn't have much tenure under my belt when it came to the 5-6 hour drives. We were not even a mere 20 miles outside my city when I saw the lights and heard sirens...the Fucker emerged from the shrubbery on the left side of the road. BASTARDS!

So of course, he asked for license, registration, and proof of insurance. I was pissed! He was about to cite me for speeding right...wrong! That wasn't all he cited me for.

You see...I still had my Ohio plates, license, and insurance card. And when he leaned his punk as over and stuck his head in the window to ask me, "Do you live in Kentucky or Ohio?" a lump formed in my throat...I began to sweat, and my palms were drenched. You see my friends, I have a problem with lying and all things inherent in it. I have a severe disdain for people who lie to me, and I find it difficult to tell a lie myself. I mean I'm not talking about the little "gray area" type things we tell our kids or anything like that, I'm talking about down-right, straight-up, blatant LIES.

So I looked at him and said, "Kentucky." Do you know that he told me that I had 30 days to get my shit switched over and on top of that still gave me the damned ticket and ordered me to go to traffic court...the NERVE!

I did as instructed, and it has been about a year and a half since...but today, I'm pissed again! As the economy goes down the proverbial drain, and my pockets are getting lighter and lighter, it pains me to see all these other fuckers driving around with plates from Ohio, Missouri, Virginia, Indiana etc. especially when I KNOW they live and work here! I just want to pick up the phone and call to snitch all of their asses out!!!

Am I wrong? Fuck, I had to pay $250 for my tags this year (which would normally cost $50 in Ohio) you know which includes an astronomical public school tax and a "convenient" property tax. We won't even discuss my car insurance which has been marked up by roughly 300%!!!!!!! I am mad as hell...because of my honesty, I may soon be living out of that car...those other fuckers should have to pay too! Including my friend who rode along with me back then...hell, not only did she just buy a house in KY, she's lived here longer than me and is still sporting her Ohio shit!

Ugh!!!

Two Posts In One Day!!!

Can you believe it?! And you guys had better read them both...that's an order! :)

I heard this on the radio the other day...I want to know your thoughts...

I'm a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight.....

* If you grow up in Hawaii , raised by your grandparents, you're "exotic, different."

* Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, a quintessential American story.

* If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.

* Name your kids Willow , Trig and Track, you're a maverick.

* Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.

* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.

* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.

* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.

* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.

* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.

* If you teach responsible, age-appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

* If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible.

* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America 's.

* If you're husband is nicknamed "First Dude," has at least one DUI conviction and no college education, didn't register to vote until age 25, and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

COMMENT AWAY!

Anna Mae Shoulda Ate That Damned Cake!

Well, I know you're tired of me apologizing for not blogging and/commenting on your blogs on a regular basis, but aside from the fact that my (home) computer is STILL not working, repercussions from Hurricane Ike still plague the city that I live in.

As of yesterday, 70% of our city was still without power (some are estimated to be down for up to 2 weeks) and children are out of school for the entire week! I was among the blessed few who only had to endure the day without cable on Sunday, so my power at home actually works---of course we have been lending a helping hand to those who were less fortunate in this situation. People in the community have had to throw out oodles and oodles of GOOD food because they can't refrigerate or freeze it, grocery stores and restaurants are closed (and out of ice and dry ice) in many places throughout the city, and 4 or 5 hospitals are operating on generators! I know our problems are just a drop in the bucket compared to folks in Texas and other parts of the south, but this is depressing!

So instead of spreading my crappy attitude all over Blogland, I decided to lay low.

That Ike is one BAD s.o.b. isn't he?

Hodge Podge IX

Today is one of those days I'm feeling kind of BLAH with a whole fuckton (of COURSE I had to use it and back off Crotch-dudes the ladies have that patented) of emotions inside. I guess I might as well start at the top.

I'm thinking I might blog about this more in depth at a later date when I can handle it better, but a "friend" that I knew in high school apparently rolled over on her 2 month old and smothered him. I think back to when my boys were babies, and BOTH of them slept with me the entire first year of their lives---I was a lazy breast-feeder, don't judge me. No matter how hard I slept, I don't imagine I could have rolled over on them...as a mother, it is just NOT conceivable! They're going to do an autopsy to see if they can rule out SIDS, but they are also trying to determine if they will bring up criminal charges against her. FYI---She tried to commit suicide days later.

Nance had a post up the other day about crying. That seems to be the sport of choice in my life lately, and I'm surprised I'm not dehydrated as much of it as I've been doing. I don't know why I feel so overwhelmed by feelings of failure lately, but I do.

My stupid ass computer crashed last night...it won't power on. It's still under warranty, but I have to lug the fucker in! So I need to apologize in advance to folks like Churlita whose blog I can only view at home...bear with me while I get the beast attended to (I know I ended a sentence with a preposition, but so what? Fuck off!).

Until the other day, I had not seen 1 single McCain bumper sticker. I have seen a crap-load of Obama stickers, but now the McCain tally is 2. I thought that to be amazing considering the fact that I live in the 'Burbs and thought for sure there would be more supporters for the McCain ticket...or should I say the Palin ticket? I'm going to leave that one alone...

I don't know how many of you (other than Alan and Torrance) noticed that someone named "Anonymous" commented their "2 cents" at the end of my IRS post. If you have the chance to go and take a look at it, please do...that Bitch-made, Coward induced a terrible ass ache that day and I wasn't on it!

I learned the other day that I could potentially work here another 5+ years without a single raise other than cost of living (the last COL raise was 2%). Guess who won't still be working here in 2013?

I'm getting antsy. I know I mentioned the possibility of a relocation in passing here recently, but the more I think about it, the more appealing the idea becomes. I'm also thinking that this time, I won't leave a forwarding address---is that wrong?

I'm starting to see a steady increase in the number of people picking their noses while driving.

Someone forgot to tell a couple of close acquaintances back home that crack kills.

I'm thinking I might go out Saturday night and get shit-faced...beer does a body good! ESPECIALLY Bud Light Lime...I just love that shit!

Oh yeah, I am back to my vow of celibacy...I have 1 solid month under my belt thus far.

Anyways...comment away!