...But Deliver Us From Evil

God is GOOD my fellow Bloggers! Today, I join my Mommy in celebrating 11 YEARS of sobriety. Life has been full of trials and tribulations for this family as we were on this roller coaster ride with her. Of course the childhood memories are difficult to erase when you have a parent that is an addict. You even choke on forgiveness as it too is a tough one to swallow. But as I learn more about the program, and what I need to do as her daughter to be supportive and work on mending my relationship with her, I am amazed by her tenacity--I become increasingly proud and admire her more as the years go by. I know that for her, this is truly a tough journey...she does not walk alone.

I have heard her describe her circumstances as living from second to second...then minute to minute...then day by day...and look what she has accomplished now. I commend her for her determination, and I thank God for her DELIVERANCE. Sobriety is an uphill battle, so I continue to pray for her will power and strength.

Congratulations Mommy...I Love You!

The Life and Times of Will & Damoe Part III

Hello all! A few of you have asked either via comments or through e-mails how my boys are doing. They are doing just fine. You know, your average 13 and 11 year old middle-school aged boys I suppose! I haven't posted about them in a while, so thought this would be the perfect opportunity to go ahead and give you all a little taste of the latest goings-on and happenings. Just for recollection purposes, feel free to refer to one of my favorite posts about them here.

Setting: I am cooking dinner while the boys engage in snickering and random chatter at the table. After a moment or two, they begin arguing in a whisper...

Damoe: (whispering even lower) You ask her!

Will: (whispering back) NO, You ask her!

Me: Ask me what?

The Boys: (simultaneously) Nothing!

Me: Why is it so hush hush? If you want to ask me something, out with it!

Damoe: (hesitantly) Well....we were wondering...(he couldn't control his little smirks and giggles enough to get the rest of his sentence out).

Will: We were kind of wondering...(see above parenthetic statement for Damoe).

Me: WHAT?!

Will: Well, did you..."do it (of course it was some made up word that my kids have patented in their own personal language that I can hardly remember and wouldn't dare attempt to spell)?"

Damoe bursts out with laughter and is rolling all over the kitchen floor. I think he may have spewed a bit of Hawaiian Punch from his nose in the process. I swing around with a hot spoon gasping for air--on the verge of hyperventilating...

Me: What the....? Why on Earth would you ask me a question like that???

Will: Well, we saw some...condoms in your room.

Me: What were you doing in my room, and furthermore, it's none of your business what I do! I pay the bills around...

Will: (in his "Mom seriously?" voice) But you don't even have a Boyfriend!

Me: I am GROWN! What I do is my business, and how do I know you two weren't in there on a fishing expedition playing with said condoms?

Damoe: (with that one look where you draw your lips to the side and smack them with that "c'mon now" look on your face) Mom, now you KNOW we don't wear a large!

What. In. The. FUCK?!

Sigh

What's In A Name II

I of course had to name this post "What's In A Name II" because I have in the past named another post "What's In A Name..." not that you really care, but still...

Anyways...

When you sit back and ponder it for a moment what is the origin of your name? Do you know from whence it came? You see, I chuckle every time I think I have a "plain" name and don't like it very much until my Mom reminds me that I was almost "Mamie Jean (like my dear Grandma)." I am also on the verge of tears when I hear chatter about soap operas and am further reminded that my 2 cousins and I were named after characters on "All My Children" and "The Young & The Restless." I guess our parents didn't have the desire to do much during the day...but I digress.

I get semi-excited when I think about other people and places that have my name (even if it's spelled as if it's pronounced TAR-uh) like, in Gone With the Wind, but am bubbling over with joy (okay, maybe that's an overstatement, but you get the point) to know that it means--in many translations--Mother Earth.

Even though they are named after their fathers, I believe I have given my boys nice, strong names. Dameus (pronounced DAY-me-us) doesn't really have an origin or meaning of sorts, but I still think it sounds like it possesses authority and demands one's undivided attention. William, which means, "protector of the kingdom" always reminds me of royalty.

So what about you? Were you named after someone? Do you believe that your name defines you? Does your name determine how far you will go job/career-wise? How does it look on a resume? Well when I was talking to my cousin today, she reminded me about a visit that I had at my "doctor's office" a couple of years ago. I (over) heard a conversation that went a little like this:

Setting: There was a mother sitting the waiting room with her 3...or maybe 4...children waiting to be seen. The children were kind of all over the place, meddling with this and that while she dilly-dallied around in her purse. Just then one of the doctors entered...

Doctor: (as she s-l-o-w-l-y and with a VERY HIGH level of uncertainty reads the clipboard, which apparently had a name spelled "Zava") Zava? Yes, Zava please follow---

Rude and Super-Country: (Smacking teeth) Um ex-ca-yoose me, his name IS Zava (pronounced Zah-Vee-AY)...

Doctor: Oh I'm sorry Ma'am, the way it's spelled, it looks like--

Rude and Super-Country: (Cutting off the Doctor mid-sentence again) No, it's Zah-Vee-AY....spelled Z-a-(you ready for this?) LONG V-a.

Sigh.

While I am still trying to figure out how I picked up my jaw without her noticing and got over my sheer disappointment, pure disbelief, and utter amazement, your thoughts?

Baby, 'Cuz He's A Thug!

Hello out there in Blogland! Over on Facebook in recent days, there have been a hodgepodge of posts about women who date thugs and/or get with these "dead-beat" men only to turn around and make them into their "Baby Daddies." A lot of the men on there have tuned in on the topic expressing their views, commenting that women aren't interested in the good "men," and have asked, "Why?" Many responses from women poured in...among them were explanations ranging from these guys "puttin' it down" in the sack to looking for love in all the wrong places. Of course much of what we said was well received, but I felt that it was my civic duty to toss one back at 'em.

I wanted to know why do some of these men ignore the good women out here? I mean why do they pass US up to date the next hood-rat, duck-head, tramp ass, gold-digger, sleaze bucket, or scag they encounter in the streets? I wondered why they are not pleased with the fact that WE are highly educated and that we're handling our business; paying our bills; taking care of kids, house, and home; and can cook a bomb ass meal for them and--of course--I would be negligent if I left out--"represent" between the sheets. Oh noooooo...they are looking for the next jump-off--that trick that they can call at 3:00 a.m. so they can get down and dirty. Listen here, ain't nothin' open at that time but Convenient Stores, jail doors, and the legs of whores!!! Can we please get it together?

So I would like to ask you all to chime in...if you dare...

Temptation

So they say that "those who flee temptation usually leave a forwarding address." Is that true? I mean I am going to keep it real...I'm not perfect...hell, nobody is! And quite frankly, there are a couple...okay maybe a few...oh shit, okay maybe several...things that I've done in the past 6 months that I am not necessarily proud of. The only problem is that they didn't seem so bad at the time, and the more I realize that I shouldn't engage in such acts again, the more I want to. I am actually quite disappointed in myself, because I usally have much more will power and constraint in tow! Sigh.

Anyways, in order to combat these urges, I have tried to create diversions for myself. The only problem is they are only temporary fixes...band-aid solutions, if you will. I need something more permanent. I truly fear that the burning desire will remain until I am a bit more creative and inventive enough to douse the flame for good. Damn...is there a 12-Step program out there for me? Help a sistah out here!

How is your week going so far? Smile! It's Hump-Day!

Have You Ever...?

Have you ever wanted something so much that you can feel it deep down in your bones? You dream about it both day and night...you execute the plan in your mind play by play in many different ways...you hope and you wish that your minute, aspiring bud that began as a mere thought would blossom into the most beautiful and exotic of orchids. You trust and believe that the stars in one million galaxies would cooperatively align. You feverishly pray that your little private fantasy would manifest itself in reality...

Have you ever needed something so badly...I mean long for it over and over...yearned for it...been a fiend for it...ached for it until your body, mind, and soul are in a state of paralysis? It's the air that is critical for breathing, the food that is purposed for nourishment, and the water that is intended to quench the thirst of an army. Do you understand...I'm talking about NEEDING something as it is the fundamental piece--the epitome of essential for your vitality?

Have you ever had something so good that you wished it would never end? I mean so much to the point where you thoroughly savored the "flavor" of every little morsel...you let the taste, the aroma, the and the texture, permeate every ounce of your being. It appeals to all senses and overwhelms you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually...It rushes through your veins with the fire of the earth's core followed by the most frigid of waters that registers 273.15 on the Kelvin scale. This is the ultimate high that liberates you beyond belief. Like, you passed Cloud 9 an Eon ago. I'm talking about euphoria here...I'm talking about somewhere over the rainbow type shit here.........total bliss.

Now can you take that ALL in? Can you? If so can you all please tell me what I'm going through right now...right this VERY moment...

It's In The Air

Hello out there in Blogland...how have you been? Well, lately, I have been feeling such a range of emotions, so I decided I needed to sit down and write about it. Amongst the chaos associated with feelings of joy, depression, care-free (ness?), stress/anxiety, happiness, sadness, gratitude, selfishness, kindness, hateful (ness?), compassion, coldness, togetherness, loneliness, and downright BLAH...ness, I would like to release today on the one that seems to emerge at just about every hill and valley of the roller coaster--LOVE.

I just don't know what it is. Other than a few dates here and there, I have been single for over 5 years. I am not really in like with anybody at present, so love would surely be a far stretch. So why this sudden urge for...longing for...yearning for a companion? I mean I see other couples and their ups and downs--the drama, the infidelity, the lack of trust...and the list goes on--so I always think to myself, "Whew! I am so glad I don't have that problem." But some kind of somber mood sets in at the end of the night when I settle down to sleep--as I look at the empty bed and cool pillow beside me.

Could it be the fact that summer is gradually fading away? Could it be that I have been steady in my career for 4 years and will be purchasing a home next week? Could it be a subconscious fear because the boys are at most 6 years from graduation? I don't know...you fill in the blank.

The bottom line is I would like to explore the possibility of having someone in my life. Someone who is HONEST and understanding. Compassionate and committed. Open-minded and spontaneous. Goal Oriented and Successful. Loving and Caring. Someone who will not only love my children, but also love me for who I am. Someone who will be there for me mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Someone who will compliment my strengths and supplement my weaknesses. Someone who will uplift me. Someone who will complete me.

Now is that too much to ask for? Why this feeling all of a sudden? Comment away!