In the Name of Shit

Since I happen to be among many who love the word "fuck," I realized I shouldn't be selfish and have decided to pay homage to the word "shit" today. You may have seen this before but...well you can pretty much fill in the blank after you've read this post!

***Disclaimer...words and ellipses may have been added/omitted, bolded, capitalized and otherwise punctualized to add to/lessen the effect of various parts of this message...you know, just in case you give a shit.***

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD...Well, it's shit...that's right, SHIT!

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit,
...forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is...bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or...duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in...well...shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and...there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language!

And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!

You could comment, if you give a shit or if you don't give a shit!

Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head...........Well, Shit Happens!!!

The Life and Times of W & D Part II (I Think)

Well it's been a rough patch in this epoch of my life, and I just can't seem to pull it together. I have however decided to muster just enough strength to post something else and perhaps read up on a few of your blogs...don't get mad if I don't get to them all, I beg your forgiveness in advance.

As you all know, the boys are back to school...they are in 6th grade (middle school) and 4th grade this year. My 4th grader is having a hard time grasping the concept of the fact that summer break is over and it's time to get down to business! He has already gotten in trouble 3 times and hasn't even completed a full 3 weeks. He also has this teacher who I was about to ROLL DOWN on when W had her 2 years ago and she's already starting SHIT! I just hope I don't have to go up there and go 360 degrees of ig-nit on their asses!

W's interest in girls is increasing at a very rapid pace. He's doing okay with his school work which I watch with a very close eye and pick through with a fine-tooth comb...but his hormones are amok! I found a little letter to "Joy" a short while back that went a little something like this:

"Joy, I love you. I realize there may be another boy, but you are fine and I want you to be my Boo. Will you go out with me? Circle one Yes No"

Like, what...the...FUCK?!

In other news...I was exiting the expressway on my way home a short while back, and there was a homeless man standing there with the infamous "Will work for food sign" but he also had it translated in Spanish??? I was quite amused.

In comments: What have I been missing while these fucking fuckers at work are getting on my last damned nerve, I'm depressed, and debating another relocation?!

Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut...

I scurried about placing each candle in the perfect place. The scent of cinnamon and warm vanilla cake filled the air. I dusted the bed with brown sugar & fig linen spray...just enough...and lit a candle in the bedroom of a synonymous scent. I had just bathed in a sudsy milk and honey bath, and lathered my body with Oil of O'lay and lavender baby oil gel. I purposely wore my black lace boy shorts/thong and my black bra that makes the girls stand at attention and plump just perfectly at my bust line--the perfect fuller figured physique under my denim crop pants and slightly revealing long baby tee. I put on my favorite gloss...Creme Brulee, and tied my hair up in loose curls...I was ready.

The doorbell rang.

As I opened it and he stood there in all of his 6'1" glory, blood began to rush and revive parts of my body that had now been asleep for about 6 months. He smelled of an exotic unnamed African oil and a mild bath soap. His sun-kissed complexion enticed me enough to let out a silent moan and his eyes looked like dancing stars...he stepped in, embraced me and gave me a gentle kiss on the neck.

We eased toward the bedroom as we engaged in small chatter and flirtatious grins. I rubbed up against him enough to feel his girth and lay my head on his chest as we danced to the tune that seemed to be the same in both our minds. He stroked my arms, my back, and then my breasts as he donned my body with kiss after kiss. My knees began to get weak, so I sat down on the bed slowly and lied back so that he could have his way with me.

He softly licked some spots and gently kissed others as I eased his shirt off and began massaging his warm skin in a circular motion. He moaned a little and closed his eyes as I unzipped his pants and began to stroke his manhood. He licked the circumference of my belly button and pecked a half dozed kisses until he reached my womanhood. It was magical...a sprinkle of kisses here, a lick or two there, and a soft nibble everywhere.

I was at the peak of what was about to be euphoria when I softly but aggressively pushed him to his back and let my plump sweet lips work their magic. First his full, pink lips to taste the sweetness of his minty breath, then around his perfectly shaven goatee...on his neck...his chest...his stomach...and of course a teasing little sample to his shaft...his body trembled.

Time to mount.

I moved my hips in from side to side...back and forth...up and down. He tilted his head back and then softly gripped my breasts. I twirked it and popped it as if the art was taught in a class and I graduated Suma Cum Laude. He couldn't control himself, nor could I...but it was not time...not yet...so I slowed my rhythm and lay on his chest...we rolled in sync.

Long stroke, deep stroke...hitting spots that I didn't know that I possessed in my temple. Almost too much for me to handle, but by now my body was conforming to all that he had to offer. I felt pain...good pain...pleasurable pain...I moaned...he exhaled. I dug my nails in his back...he lay on my chest and kissed my neck. I wrapped my long, thick, brown sugar legs around his body...we were in motion.

My adrenaline rushed...his stride increased. That icy-hot feeling began to rush through my veins. My heart ran a marathon. My eyes rolled to the back of my head. I pursed my bottom lip and gripped the corner with my teeth. My thighs trembled. My toes curled. My back arched. The sweet melody that I belted filled the air. The nectar of my fruit was sufficient to quench the thirst of a thousand villages. As my walls vibrated...it cut loose and irrigated every trench and every valley. He felt...he came...he saw...Pure delight.

My fellow Bloggers, I would like to introduce you to...Wal-Mart Guy.

Almost But Not Quite...

Hello to all of my fellow Bloggers. I have crawled from under my rock long enough to let you know that I am still living and breathing (although lately, not by choice). Among the chaos in my life, the kids getting ready to go to school next week, a plethora of family issues, and emotional turmoil, I decided that I have to muster up the energy to AT LEAST say hello to you all. Hopefully soon, I will also have the energy enough to read and comment on your latest posts (only 1, maybe 2 for those of you are OCD about posting eleventy billion times per day...I love you NoR!:-) and even post something worth reading at P&P.

Back off to my rock...for now...

IRS: Ignorant & Retarded Sons-of-Bitches!

Okay, that title may be a bit harsh, but I am pissed, pissed, PISSED off, and this is my blog so I can say whatever the fuckety-fuck I please!

W's father owes me over $30,000 in back child support. I was willing to waive all arrearages when he got out of jail, but he wanted to be a dick head and abandon his son because he was upset with me, so I said to hell with it, that bastard can pay! I am not an unreasonable person by any stretch of the imagination, and I TOLD him that I wasn't going to sweat him about the support...I just wanted him to be there for his son. He had already missed 6 out of 7 years of his life (at his time of release), so I just wanted him to get to know him, spend some time with him, and get their father-son relationship back on track.

What does he do? The moment he found out that I made more in 1 paycheck than he made all month, he was pissed---uh reality check, while you were incarcerated for 6 years, I was in college! He was upset about dumb shit like my big screen TV, my newer car, and STILL holding a grudge about me having a child by another man---I don't do pity parties, and I had to let him know that real quick. I told him, "When you get put in jail behind stupid shit, the world doesn't fucking stand still and wait for your ass to get out...that's your problem!" So I guess in an attempt to throw a tantrum his punk ass stopped dealing with my son. He's been out for about 4 years now and I can count on one hand the amount of times he's actually seen him or held a conversation with him---mind you, W has his own cell phone.

So, why am I telling you all this? I have faithfully gotten support from him for the last 3 years, because I prosecuted him to the fullest extent...I can be a bitch when I need to, and will continue to be, because my son's heart is broken. Each year, I also get his entire income tax check to cover some of the arrearages. Well this year, Assholio decides he won't file taxes, because that would mean that I would get the tax check plus his stimulus check. So I called the IRS and the conversation went something like this:

Me: Hello, who do I speak to if I want to report someone for not filing taxes this year? I know he's avoiding child support.

Dumb Ass: (Of course she couldn't fathom dealing with any questions not related to the stimulus checks) Uh, what do you mean?

Me: Well, he's trying to keep me from getting his taxes this year because he owes back support, so I know he didn't file.

Dumb Ass: Oh (long pause).........................Well, there's nothing we can do about that.

Me: Excuse me?

Dumb Ass: We don't bother people about that (I bet Wesley Snipes would tell a different story, don't you?). If they get in trouble for something else, we might find out at that time, but other than that, we don't like...go after people.

Me: (Laughing) Yeah, okay---I'll keep that in mind next year when it's time to pay my high ass State taxes (slamming the phone down in her ear)!!!

Now, I ask you out there in Blogland...what's wrong with this picture? Do you mean to tell me that there is NOTHING they can do to him? You see I'll tell you what's wrong...I'm not on Public Assistance. I don't owe the State or the Feds anything, because if I did, they'd be all over that shit, so that they could get their cut of that check! I am growing more and more disgusted with this nation by the day!!!

Whew! Sorry for the rant, but I had to get that shit off my chest! Your thoughts?

Hodge Podge VIII

Well I am finally back from all my travels and all nestled and snug at my desk. For some reason, I just cannot get in mode to get any work done! Somewhere between the ever so awesome trip to New Orleans, and my visit back home to Ohio, my brain got lost...I hope it finds me again...soon!

New Orleans was the shiznit! I had never been there before this trip, and I honestly didn't think I would have much fun since it was all about work. I couldn't have been more wrong! We're talking about jambalaya and gumbo galore, Bourbon Street, the French Quarter, Jazz, Blues, lots of drinking, and nudity. I tell you what, there was NEVER a dull moment! And get this...my room was not ready, so I was conveniently upgraded to the jacuzzi room with a kitchen and super tall king sized bed...ahhh, it was fantabulous!

Ohio was...well...okay. I had not seen my family in months, so it was nice to see them. And remember the eleventy baby showers I had to attend back in February (among them was Nina's)? I got to see all the little bambinos who are all about 3 months old now and ever so freaking adorable. I also learned that W and D think they have girlfriends who are much older than them, but that's an entirely different post.

On the radio today, they were having a conversation about Immigration, and all of a sudden a brain cell was revived! How do I feel about the issue? And actually, I think I'm okay with folks coming to what others believe is the land of opportunity, the only problem I have is with illegal Aliens. It really does bother me that many take jobs getting paid cash, thus they do not pay the high ass taxes I pay. Many of them are also on "the system" and receive free medical benefits which is funded by those high ass taxes I pay. My feelings are hey, join us if you'd like, but please follow the proper procedures for citizenship.

Still not feeling the post about Wal-Mart guy, but have received a very interesting phone call from the Engineer of All Things That Must Be Mopped and Swept (mentioned in an earlier post), so stay tuned...

W and D are away at camp this week, so I will be basking in the glory of rest and relaxation! What did I miss while I was gone?

I Was Tagged Way Back When By NoR...

So this is the task:

1. Pick up the nearest book.

2. Open to page 123

3. Find the 5th sentence

4. Post the next three sentences

5. Tag five people, and acknowledge who tagged you.

"It's paint remover," Jake said. "That's paint, it's getting removed, what you expect?" I asked, "Can you still make it out?"

I haven't read it yet, but this is Jerome Dickey's "Cheaters" which I plan on reading along with Alice Walker's "The Color Purple" during my travels over the next few days. Hey, I can dream, shut up MrT!!!

Tagging: Anybody who feels like doing this since I procrastinated before posting it.

Welp...off to New Orleans tomorrow!!! Behave while I'm gone please?!