It's My Party...She Can Strip If She Wants To!

Okay my friends...I sat on this for a couple of days, because I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it or not, but against my better judgement...along with the fact that I am too far away to open up a can-0-whoop ass, I MUST scream on my blog.

We all have that "one" in the family that's just not right...be it that drunk uncle, that conniving aunt, or that "special" cousin that swears his plaid pants matches his polka dot sweater and fluorescent tie. You just accept them because that's who they are, and don't mind putting up the liquor, hiding your purse, or pretending you're blind.

But there is a certain one in my family that I'm not quite sure we have in common. She is not a CLOSE cousin, but a me and her father would share a last name hadn't my great-grandmother married type of cousin. I love her to death and have often times over the years hung out with her. Now, don't get me wrong, she has a HUGE heart and would do anything for you, and is quite fun to be around...we just lead 2 separate lives. We are a few years apart, but she had 2 daughters before I graduated...you know, that kind of stuff. She is also a hustler...hated by many, but I say hey, get down how you live, because her children STAY fly...the crib is SO crispy, and the ride stay kitted. She's my homie...my ace.

I'm a little upset with her right now however I won't express it to her due to the fact that it would be totally futile...I am going to just get it off my chest on my blog...in my space...where I can say whatever the hell I want!

Her son, her 3rd oldest child, just recently turned 13...it's all good right? Right on the threshold of manhood and so close to going to high school...13 is the first "teen" year...the SHIT! Bring on the cake and ice cream right??? Wrong! Not only did she have his party in a bar, she hired a stripper!!!! Several things about this have me livid, but I will only mention a few...um why are parents allowing their 11, 12, and 13 year olds to go to a bar? Why does he have to have a party that lasts until midnight? Why didn't that bitch realize she could get 15-Life grinding on those youngins who half of which don't even have pubic hair yet??? Is there any particular reason she couldn't just buy a PSP and some fucking collection baseball cards and call it a day?

I am furious...I could go on and on, but you guys go ahead...HAVE AT IT!

Throwing in the Towel

I may have said this before, but guess what? Damn it, I don't care! This time I really mean it, and I'm PISSED---to the 10th degree of pisstivity!!! I am sick. And. Tired. Of. Men! How about I spell it out for you in chronological order...

We have Old Faithful-I've known him for nearly 3 years. He likes to take random trips to Italy and call me from strange, 15 digit numbers at odd hours of the night...I guess as a subtle way to "check up on me" while he's away. Now don't get me wrong, he can handle his business, and it doesn't matter if 2 days or 6 months go by, all I have to do is dial, and he is there within a matter of moments! So you ask, "Tera, you silly girl, what's the problem?" Well, I think...or should I say THOUGHT I wanted a little more, and he's just not...boyfriend material.

Next we have Office Fling Number 1 (not the IT Guy---and get your minds out of the gutter...he's from the LAST office I worked at!)-He has a girlfriend, but I said to hell with Karma and all that shit because I had just learned about my (ex) friend of more than a decade and ex-man at that time. That shit was off the hook, and we even spent a little time together! He was ever so easy on the eyes too! He to this day cannot understand why I cut him off completely, but the shit got a little old, and slowly, I began to regain feeling in those areas which were numb and had to focus! He still calls, and I simply ask...damn! She STILL ain't doing it right for you?!

Last year's fling with the big Ding...Dong that is-Things were going pretty smooth with this guy. In spite of my better judgement, and all things considered, you know, like he didn't have a job, he was an ex-offender, and his daughter's mother had detachment issues, I still let him come around. One thing that helped him TREMENDOUSLY was that he had a wonderfully sized schlong and knew how to FULLY satisfy me. He slipped up and met the kids...HUGE fucking mistake, because after a while, things tapered off and I didn't see much of him---except at church...and even though we "met at the wrong time," he now has a girlfriend! Fuck, fuck, FUCK him!!!

Then we have Office Fling Number 2 (this time it's the IT Guy...you know, the one from the dream?)-This guys LOVES to flirt and do stupid shit like cop a feel, lock me in the office and freak me, or trap me in the elevator and lick and touch and kiss and shit, or send me sexually explicit messages. I don't see much really happening with him though, because he's just a tad bit...imma...well...less mature for my taste, he's a little younger, and is still living in the world where he thinks he's the shit! In my mind (and other than the dream), I don't think he can handle a woman like me, and there's not really a part of me that wants to find out.

Lastly, we have the Guy from the Bar-I am always leery about meeting guys in bars/clubs to begin with. And I haven't mentioned him to you guys because I thought maybe...just MAYBE this time there might be sparks, and I didn't want to jinx it! After a little over a month, he has totally fucking DERAILED! My honest opinion is that he has a drinking problem! And drunken phone calls are only fun if I'm in the mood, and it's not past 4:00 a.m. on a fucking work night! He "blames" his drinking on the fact that he just got laid off, but who in the hell needs a reason to drink! You must know your limits...especially if you're a grown ass man! I mean we ALL get shit faced from time to time, but I've got shit to do today! Note: I don't want this seem like I put more weight of "physical activity" than anything else, so I won't mention at all that I've "meddled" around and touched little bit "down there" and don't think I can back that thang up on him either...can we say Millimeter Peter boys and girls?!

So that's it! I'm tired of this crap...in 3 years, NOTHING! And yes, I am a little more selective now when considering someone I can potentially settle down with, because I don't want to make the same mistakes I have in the past with certain, unnamed LOSERS! What do I do?! Because if something doesn't change my mind quickly, that's it! I'm finished!

Damn, Tera, that was a long ass post...oh well, I have confidence that you guys who have my best interest at heart will fully read it and give me (un)/sound advice :)

Take A Whiff!

Well friends...it seems that just when you think that all is lost, and you have absolutely NOTHING to blog about, it hits you (pun intended). I would like to share with you today my story about this little phenomenon called..........BODY ODOR.

Occasionally, I sit at my desk and work my ass off (yes NoR, I do other things-my ass off than laughing :) until 5:00 creeps up on me. Then there are other days where my level of productivity plummets to zero by 10:00 a.m., and I do "other" things, you know, like check my pages out there in Internet land, talk on the phone with my friends back home, chat on-line, and oh yes, blog. Well this day in particular, I began to doze off for reasons unknown---I'm sure that it totally had nothing to do with the fact that the Pinot Grigio was extra spectacular the night before and I couldn't stop drinking it until it was gone! But I digress. I felt like it would be awful for my boss to walk by during a deep slumber, so I decided to take a walk...you know, catch some air...

As I am walking around to the elevator, the "Temp" is approaching me...she's all smiles, and so am I until it is turned upside down and I begin dry heaving hysterically! She smelled like a cross between...or should I say among (for those of you nerds out there who will notice that this list consists of more than 2 things) dirty hair; moldy clothes; ass crack; and old hot dog water. It was utterly disgusting! Especially for a middle aged woman who had done nothing but sat behind her desk all morning!

Now I gave her the benefit of the doubt...it was only her second day...perhaps she perspires profusely or doesn't hold cleanliness on high as many of us do. Lo and behold, the next day, she walked down the hall near my office and not only did she emit a whiff-o-funk, but it lingered...and lingered.

Now I ask you...what would YOU do/say? Such a terrible thing this is...I mean I haven't smelled her lately, then again, I'm not sure that I've been within 10 feet (radius) of her in the past few days either. But isn't it our civic duty to do something when people...offend?

BitterSweet

I have mixed emotions about this, because although I don't really feel up to a meme (my sincere gratitude goes out to Torrance), I have haven't posted in almost a week, and NoR has the tendency to open the famous can-o-Whoop Ass when that much time has lapsed. So, with that being said...

Here are the rules:1. link the person who tagged you.2. mention the rules in your blog…3. tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours4. tag 6 following bloggers by linking them. leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

1. I played the violin for 5 years and quit because the "B" I was earning was screwing with my 4.0 GPA.

2. I was born with an umbilical hernia and 6 fingers on each hand; my oldest son with 6 fingers on each hand and 2 additional "nipular objects (It just doesn't seem right saying a boy has nipples---what is the medical term anyone of you nerds out there???)," and my younger son with 6 fingers on each hand...and that damned umbilical hernia!

3. I wear a size 11 shoe.

4. I visited the zoo for the first time at the age of 18.

5. I have owned a total of 7 cars in my 13 1/2 years of driving.

6. When I was around 8 years old, I coerced my cousins into smoking cigarettes and making a pretend "joint" by rolling the ashes and tobacco up in paper. We ignited the carpet in my Grandmother's friend's condo, doused the fire with Kool-Aid (red), and dragged her deaf, sleeping son over and placed the lighter in his hand.

NoR, Heather, Susan, Gyuss, MrT, and Qinges...you're it!

Dream Lover

Okay Blogland...It is near the end of the fiscal year for us at work, so I have been busy busy BUSY, I apologize NoR, but after you read this post, it may serve as my chance at redemption :)

I have times before alluded to my clairvoyance, but never really go in depth. I am confused at times about what it all means and am often amazed at how my dreams tend to "come true." A few of my friends contend that I have "the gift," but I am still trying to sort it all out.

Well (and Gyuss, this may disappoint you) lately, I have been a bit upset with the IT Guy---for personal reasons, so I haven't been speaking to him for about a week now. You all know that I also made a vow of celibacy (which I recently...slightly...relapsed)...but I digress. I had a dream last night...

Pardon my candor Nance, but this was the most, passionate, erotic, intense, heated, wild, FERVENT exchange of emotion I have felt in YEARS! I tossed and turned...I moaned and shuddered. Finally the intensity built up to a point where to describe it as a volcano eruption would truly be an understatement...I woke up.

As I lay in my bed with a grin on one side...biting my lip on the other side---my body was weak, and I was in a total state of euphoria as I stumbled into the bathroom for my shower. My legs trembled and the feel of the tiny pricklies through my body coupled with the adrenaline rush totally consumed me...the IT Guy had rocked. My. World.

I had a presentation today...of course I was in high spirits and any negative vibe was totally deflected...I was on Cloud 9. As I exited the elevator, lo and behold, I nearly overhear the IT Guy telling a co-worker that he........................had a dream about me.

As I walked to my car...arm hairs standing erect and goosebumps scattered about, I wondered.

Upon my return to work, I was curious...damn, I had to break the silent treatment (which he probably didn't give a shit about) of the week...I IM'd him. His reply was, "I'm about to call you."

As he shared the details (which I begged not to hear descriptively) a certain Twilight Zone type of fear had taken over my body by storm...it was almost totally synonymous to MY dream...even the shower we took together. How could we possibly have pretty much the SAME dream, on the SAME night?

Now I ask you Blogland...what in the HELL is this all about?!?!?!

Spring Has Sprung

The firewall at work in all of its wonderful randomness recently blocked me from my blog...it took a little "sweet talking" and perhaps a smidgen of lip gloss to get said IT Guy to unblock me, but nevertheless...

That time of year has come...fresh "weather-" scented breeze, birds chirping, joggers jogging, kids at play, dogs walking their owners, oh and let me not forget...love...sweet love in the air. I don't know what it is, but something always ignites a little flame in me (either that or this damned vow of celibacy I've taken) and my hormones run wild.

Well I can no longer contain this burning desire...in all its intensity. I have a crush on someone. It comes and goes, but I have had it for about 2 1/2 years now (ever since I moved to Kentucky). I have never acted upon it. 10 years ago, my confidence was off the charts, and my ease and comfort with approaching men was at its all time high...not anymore. I'm not sure where it has gone, but I fear if I don't find it in me to do something, and something FAST, he may just slip through my fingers....

He works at my kids' school...he is the...ahem...Engineer of all things that must be mopped and swept. There is a certain charm about him. I guess the attraction grows more and more with my new found love for bald men. :) I have struck up a couple of conversations here and there because he adores my children and often times joins the Before and After School program staff in games of basketball or football with the children---they adore him too. Must I also mention he has a son who attends the program (who is a year younger than my Lil D). I found out from the kids that his son's mother died in a car crash years ago.

So...what's the problem do you say? I bitch up EVERY time I am presented the opportunity to utter the words, "Excuse me, are you single?" My guess is that he is with all the flirting he does with the women on the B&A School program staff which are only there ironically because of my repeated concerns (complaints) about the absence diversity among the staff! Is he interested in/attracted to me? I'm not sure, but he does smile at me an awful lot, and looks at certain "more defined" body parts that I possess.

I finally mustered up the strength to send him an e-mail yesterday...but due to the absence of a computer in his "office," I doubt he checks his work account...I also have not received a read receipt.

I need your help! What do I do next....?

It Takes Two

On the radio the other day, they were talking about Child Support. After the information was presented, callers were approaching the matter from two angles...one being no matter how much the single mother earned, the father should be held responsible for contributing his portion (and yes, they held that position for single fathers). The other stance was if the mother was making an amount of income substantially higher than that of the father, he shouldn't have to pay (and vice versa).

I never intend to come off as having a pessimistic view on relationships as a whole, but I must admit that in my decision to have my children, I did it with the expectation that some day I WOULD be doing it alone. And granted, both sides presented very valid arguments, so I was very tuned in and was for the most part able to agree with some of the points made in an objective manner...until one gentleman called, and in summary, this is what he had to say...

"I think that women should not have children if they are not able to support them on their own. I think they should have a financial plan/budget in place, and if adding a child makes their situation difficult, they should opt not to. And why does child support always have to be financial? I mean the father could be spending time with his child, taking him/her to the park and just being there...why does it always have to be about money? The bottom line women should allow the father to support the child on their own terms and not hone in on financial support."

So I turn to you all for feedback...what about those women who were married and/in a relationship that went sour, got separated/divorced and still has bills to pay? What if the father not only neglects to provide financial support, he also neglects to provide any other support?

-OR-

In the instance of say a woman (or man) who makes or inherits millions and clearly has more assets than the father (or mother), should she (or he) be entitled to support? What about the fathers who are placed in jail and/lose their licenses for non support...should they have to pay just to get back on track?

In most states, they add up both incomes and scale the contribution accordingly, for instance if one party makes 80% of the total of the 2, then they have to pay 80% of the costs for the child. Is that fair? Should it be 50/50?

I can tell you first hand that what they send for child support anyways doesn't light a match to what it takes to financially support a child. When you think about food, utilities, clothes, tuition, child care, activities, hair cuts, toys etc...those bill add up, and the measly $40-50 (on average) per week just doesn't cut it! Think about when it's time for a car and/license...college? Let's be real!!!

Your thoughts?